Think I need new friends!
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Join Date: Dec 2018
Posts: 22
Think I need new friends!
unless you have been an alcoholic who’s trying to better your situation I don’t think people will ever understand! Yes, I’m currently only on day 8 but I’m trying nevertheless! Was just chatting to a friend about rubbish really when she asked how I’m getting on, I explained how I think I’m doing pretty well when she replied ‘oh good, my mates just dropped me off 4 beers and a bag of coke! (I have been known to partake when I’ve had a drink) so I’ll chat to you later! 😱 well I don’t think I need to explain how I could taste the beer in my mouth! I can’t drink due to the Antabuse, but that’s the first time I’ve actually felt myself go weak at the knees at the thought of the devils poison! I know this will be an uphill climb and there’s a lot more coming to test me, just wanted a little rant really!
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Join Date: Dec 2018
Posts: 22
Hi Anna, I’m not even sure it was an offer, more of an ‘I’m now busy getting wrecked so chat another time’ even if it was an offer I would have said no! I don’t expect the world to stop for me but just didn’t think I’d have so called close friends run it in my face when I’m still vulnerable lol 😀
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Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 462
You might need to get some new friends lol, I'm pretty sure that one major reason that I am 7.5 months sober is because I now live in a mostly sober household and I am hardly ever around alcohol. I don't know whether my sobriety would have been so successful if I had still been around my previous drinking circle.
In my early days I would not have liked your friends comment either, it would have triggered me too. But you are correct in saying that they don't understand your situation but it was nice that she asked how you were doing.
Stay strong.
In my early days I would not have liked your friends comment either, it would have triggered me too. But you are correct in saying that they don't understand your situation but it was nice that she asked how you were doing.
Stay strong.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
I found a lot of my drinking party buds drifted away when it became clear I was serious about sobriety ...but I reconnected with a lot of old friend and made new ones.
Change is not always an end - it can be a beginning too - hang in there
D
Change is not always an end - it can be a beginning too - hang in there
D
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Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: sydney nsw
Posts: 785
I am only 37 days sober. A true friend would not say that knowing you are trying to get sober. I have had to remove a bunch of people who made my life toxic due to the only thing we had in common was drugs and alcohol and talking ****.
Where are all the FB and Insta photos of the day after the party photos I wonder?? Exactly, wont find them anywhere. If you join a recovery group you may find true friends who dont need a substance to enjoy life. Remember you only have the one life, living it sober is far more fulfilling than getting a few hours high and feeling so bad that it becomes a rinse and repeat cycle. Break the cycle and give yourself a chance. You can do it you know.
Where are all the FB and Insta photos of the day after the party photos I wonder?? Exactly, wont find them anywhere. If you join a recovery group you may find true friends who dont need a substance to enjoy life. Remember you only have the one life, living it sober is far more fulfilling than getting a few hours high and feeling so bad that it becomes a rinse and repeat cycle. Break the cycle and give yourself a chance. You can do it you know.
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London, England
Posts: 7,058
Well done on 8 days!
Yes those few little words your friend uttered to you must of played havoc with you. I'm sure she had absolutely no idea and said it in a flippant way of this is what I'm doing today.
Stay strong, we have so many tests along the road to recovery.
Yes those few little words your friend uttered to you must of played havoc with you. I'm sure she had absolutely no idea and said it in a flippant way of this is what I'm doing today.
Stay strong, we have so many tests along the road to recovery.
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Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,169
I've only had this happen once in a minor way, and it was by a person who was drunk. Most of the people I knew were respectful of my effort to quit. Although for some reason, I didn't let most people know for 3 or 4 months into my sobriety that I was no longer drinking. Frankly, I didn't expect such courtesy. There were a couple of friends that I got frequently rip roaring drunk with, but at the time that I was starting my sobriety, they had drifted off to other parts of the country. My other seriously drunk friends were mostly like bar friends, we would run into each other drinking, but few were close enough to consider as huge losses when I quit.
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Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: You know nothing Jon Snow - UK
Posts: 2,604
It’s not very helpful to hear a mate say that on the phone I agree! Although with more sober time under my belt now I have a different viewpoint on it all than I did in the very early months. When I came here I had no idea getting sober was about more than just not having a drink. I never considered all the mental issues and bad brain programming I had when dealing with life’s problems. That’s probably the reason back then I struggled to stay sober for any period of time. Normal drinkers think the same way, they think it’s just a case of saying no to a drink and all is fine. So when it comes to flippant statements like your friend made they really don’t understand the full impact of what they are saying to someone who is trying hard to stop, and how could they? I didn’t even get it myself at first and I was the one with the problem lol.
8 days is fantastic and you are doing great!! Waking up sober never gets old! Keep up the good fight xx
8 days is fantastic and you are doing great!! Waking up sober never gets old! Keep up the good fight xx
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Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,169
Originally Posted by SoberHappy 
I’m currently only on day 8 but I’m trying nevertheless!
After the cravings, the mind games start. It's no longer a matter of exploding if you don't drink. Now you're telling yourself it wouldn't hurt to have a drink. I didn't seriously consider giving into the mind games, but I think it's difficult for many. There's a feeling of well being that whispers, "You're OK."
I have wondered why so many return to alcohol after getting past the detox or the cravings. I assume at that point, there's nothing left to draw people back except the mind games and possibly a deep resentment in having to give up alcohol. I never experienced that kind of resentment, I was glad to be off the sauce, but the mind games scared me.
It seems that after the cravings, the other excuses to go back might be powerful, but I don't think they are real. Cravings seem real. Mind games don't seem real. Resentments seem real, but I never had a resentment over being sober and free, so resentments toward sobriety weren't ever there.
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Join Date: Dec 2018
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Thank you all for the supportive comments! What I find strange is that my husband is also an alcoholic, and he has been drinking in front of me the whole tine (with my permission) and it’s not once bothered me. Yet a friend says something and it triggers me! I had a vision of going to hers and getting wrecked...... but I didn’t let it happen, I have too much to lose by giving in and I won’t. The mind games are definetly starting but I’m not letting them win! I will be the owner of my mind and body, and I won’t be ruled by a bottle anymore! We are worth so much more and I see that. Have a happy and sober day everybody..... this is a fight we can win 😀
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Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 1,312
SH,
Good job on 8 days! I’m at 6 months noticed a big shift in my friend group around the 4-5 month mark. The people I hung out with regularly (aka drank with) and I have drifted apart. The people who I rarely hung out with (due to my drinking) but had deeper relationships with, are the people who I spend time with now.
My drinking friends have been the ones to make the most hurtful comments, tell me how fun drinking is, question my choice to stop, tell me I’m wrong, etc. I’m not sad to see these relationships drift apart - who needs that kind of friend?
Keep your our head up and your resolve to quit intact. The friend stuff will sort itself out soon enough.
Good job on 8 days! I’m at 6 months noticed a big shift in my friend group around the 4-5 month mark. The people I hung out with regularly (aka drank with) and I have drifted apart. The people who I rarely hung out with (due to my drinking) but had deeper relationships with, are the people who I spend time with now.
My drinking friends have been the ones to make the most hurtful comments, tell me how fun drinking is, question my choice to stop, tell me I’m wrong, etc. I’m not sad to see these relationships drift apart - who needs that kind of friend?
Keep your our head up and your resolve to quit intact. The friend stuff will sort itself out soon enough.
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Join Date: Dec 2018
Posts: 22
Hey Atlast, big well done in 6 months. This getting sober thing really affects every part of your life doesn’t it! I’m not too worried about losing my drinking friends after thinking about it, they aren’t real friends anyway more like ‘fun time friends’ lol and you’re right when you say who needs those kind of friends! I’m going to focus on getting back to work after Christmas, I allowed alcohol to let me ruin some good jobs along the way! So wanna get stuck into something, get my driving license back and start making wonderful SOBER memories with my husband and daughter, maybe a holiday abroad.... the possibilities are endless when you have a sober mind and I bloody love it 😀
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Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: New England
Posts: 1,224
"Where are all the FB and Insta photos of the day after the party photos"
^^^ love this. So true.
SH, I too am beginning to drift from my friend group. We are all in late 40's and everything still revolves around drinking. The destructive signs are starting to show on a few of them and the last thing they want to hear is how good I feel sober.
My wife was still drinking when I stopped. I let her know that was her decision but that I would be distant while she was drunk. As it turns out, she wanted me more than the buzz. She hasn't had a drink in weeks and we found we actually enjoy each other's company.
Everything in my life is better without alcohol. 80 days sober. $1600 U.S. saved (wife included). 12lbs dropped and 2" from my waist. Bloated face and dark circles under eyes gone! Booked a mid winter getaway with money saved from sobriety.
Number of days wasted with a hangover=0
^^^ love this. So true.
SH, I too am beginning to drift from my friend group. We are all in late 40's and everything still revolves around drinking. The destructive signs are starting to show on a few of them and the last thing they want to hear is how good I feel sober.
My wife was still drinking when I stopped. I let her know that was her decision but that I would be distant while she was drunk. As it turns out, she wanted me more than the buzz. She hasn't had a drink in weeks and we found we actually enjoy each other's company.
Everything in my life is better without alcohol. 80 days sober. $1600 U.S. saved (wife included). 12lbs dropped and 2" from my waist. Bloated face and dark circles under eyes gone! Booked a mid winter getaway with money saved from sobriety.
Number of days wasted with a hangover=0
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Join Date: Dec 2018
Posts: 22
FR that’s fantastic!!!!! Congratulations to you both! And yes, I agree with Atlast about the pictures lol. I’m so glad you and your wife are on the same page. It’s definetly something I thought about when making the decision to get sober wether the hubby would or not, but I’ve said to him similar as you did you your wife. In fact, I’ve kind of told him if it ends our marriage then im prepares for that. He says he wants to give up in the new year, we shall see. I’m just concentrating on me at the moment and working on myself 😀 I bet the pair of you are so much happier now, and won’t it be fun to spend what you’ve saved on something you will remember lol
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 356
I think I lost an old friend
I have an old friend, we drank a ton together and also did drugs. I told him I was trying to quit but he still showed up and wanted to drink with me. I never encouraged this, and when I did not go along with him he got mad and left. I have not spoken to him since. It is sad, since I would have loved to talk about old times and things but in a sober environment. I don't think I will see him anymore, and it makes me sad. But sometimes you have to realize that some friends were only fellow alcohol and drug abusers. I think that was my issue for a long time. Hang in there everybody! There are sober friends out there to meet.
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Join Date: Dec 2018
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Oh Jim, isn’t it a shame 😔 I guess we just have to move on and leave people behind who are on a different page to us. Maybe in the future we will meet them again and they will be sober and friendships can be rekindled, maybe not.... one thing I am learning is sobriety is a lonely thing, but definetly worthwhile 😀
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Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
I saw a Magic Johnson quote somewhere this morning that read; "When I was at that level I could deal with you. I'm not at that level anymore." Reminded me of my 'friends/people' that are still doing the exact same thing,day in/day out, as they were 2+yrs ago. And that's 100% fine, if that's what they choose. I just choose to live a different lifestyle now.
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