Hi
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 18
Hi
Hello everyone, I'm new here, thanks for reading. I've been an alcoholic for as long as I can remember, probably for about 12 years or so. It's starting to get to the point where I can feel it doing damage to me physically, the other day I got a bruise on my arm and I never bruise which is not a good sign. Also in February the wife and I got blood work done for life insurance and my liver function came back high so our premium went up. Yay. So from that point I tapered off a lot from what I used to drink every night which was around 20 shots of whiskey or so and God knows what else, I was down to about seven or eight beers before bedtime. Then about a month ago I decided to quit cold turkey, made it a week, wasn't to bad but the insomnia was bad. Anyways the wife ended up telling me that I was different and weird, a totally different person and I should have maybe one or two drinks to even things out. Well now I'm drinking more then before, also day drinking when I can and hiding it, I feel shame and remorse, I'm ready to taper off again hopefully and quit this, it's not good. Anyone offer me any advice? Thank you.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 275
It clearly wasn't very helpful that your wife called you a "totally different person" when you were sober, because now you're back to drinking more than before.
I wonder if you were just different because you were adjusting to sober life, and had you stayed the course, she would have maybe had less of an issue as time goes on? If that's the case, then maybe her doctor (or someone else) can explain what it's like to stop drinking and how people adjust after living with alcohol for so long.
On the other hand, there could be more going on as well. Perhaps she drinks, and didn't enjoy drinking alone? Or perhaps she resented your sobriety because it called to mind changes that she needs to make in her own life?
If she loved that you were the "life of the party" while you were drinking and juts misses that part of your intoxicated personality, well, I find that a little hard to believe because 20 shots and God knows what else would probably put you outside the range of "life of the party" and in the range of "causing destruction to my health, family, work, and relationships." And she couldn't have really enjoyed that.
But of course you know better than I what's going on there.
Maybe the simplest advice is just to know that recovery and change are possible, and that maybe your wife can be more supportive if she gets some education from a doctor or counselor about what recovery from addiction is like.
Best of luck to you.
I wonder if you were just different because you were adjusting to sober life, and had you stayed the course, she would have maybe had less of an issue as time goes on? If that's the case, then maybe her doctor (or someone else) can explain what it's like to stop drinking and how people adjust after living with alcohol for so long.
On the other hand, there could be more going on as well. Perhaps she drinks, and didn't enjoy drinking alone? Or perhaps she resented your sobriety because it called to mind changes that she needs to make in her own life?
If she loved that you were the "life of the party" while you were drinking and juts misses that part of your intoxicated personality, well, I find that a little hard to believe because 20 shots and God knows what else would probably put you outside the range of "life of the party" and in the range of "causing destruction to my health, family, work, and relationships." And she couldn't have really enjoyed that.
But of course you know better than I what's going on there.
Maybe the simplest advice is just to know that recovery and change are possible, and that maybe your wife can be more supportive if she gets some education from a doctor or counselor about what recovery from addiction is like.
Best of luck to you.
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,526
Welcome hopenotlost - we're so glad you found us. Sharing thoughts here, with those who understand, will really help.
I felt like a different person when I first quit. Long time drinkers have to learn to live in a new way. I used alcohol to cope with every little annoyance & big problem that came along. It never really helped - just kept me from dealing with things in a healthy way. In the early days of quitting I was jittery & defensive - but everything gradually got better. I hope you'll keep posting & reading here - you're never alone.
I felt like a different person when I first quit. Long time drinkers have to learn to live in a new way. I used alcohol to cope with every little annoyance & big problem that came along. It never really helped - just kept me from dealing with things in a healthy way. In the early days of quitting I was jittery & defensive - but everything gradually got better. I hope you'll keep posting & reading here - you're never alone.
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Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 18
Originally Posted by Hevyn 
Welcome hopenotlost - we're so glad you found us. Sharing thoughts here, with those who understand, will really help.
I felt like a different person when I first quit. Long time drinkers have to learn to live in a new way. I used alcohol to cope with every little annoyance & big problem that came along. It never really helped - just kept me from dealing with things in a healthy way. In the early days of quitting I was jittery & defensive - but everything gradually got better. I hope you'll keep posting & reading here - you're never alone.
I felt like a different person when I first quit. Long time drinkers have to learn to live in a new way. I used alcohol to cope with every little annoyance & big problem that came along. It never really helped - just kept me from dealing with things in a healthy way. In the early days of quitting I was jittery & defensive - but everything gradually got better. I hope you'll keep posting & reading here - you're never alone.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 18
Originally Posted by least
Welcome to the family. 
The insomnia will pass. It took me a week or two sober before I had good sleep.
I hope our support can help you get sober for good.
The insomnia will pass. It took me a week or two sober before I had good sleep.I hope our support can help you get sober for good.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 356
For me, it was always progressive. I would quit, relapse and then when I drank it was worse than before. It takes time to settle down. The sleep part is difficult. I had bad insomnia and would only sleep a few hours a night. My hangovers were about 3 days. If you are afraid to quit totally I think it is possible to taper off but I did not. As always, if you have bad withdrawal symptoms consult your doctor. As far as being a different person, you will become a sober person and that will be a different lifestyle. Best to you.
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,473
Welcome, and it's fairly common to act/feel very differently in early recovery. Usually, we need to learn how to deal with our emotions without the alcohol involved and it's a process.
Tapering off is very difficult for alcoholics because we're alcoholics. If we could control our drinking, we wouldn't be trying to quit. It's usually far easier to stop completely. If you are concerned health-wise, you could check with your dr before stopping.
I hope you decide to join us and live a sober life.
Tapering off is very difficult for alcoholics because we're alcoholics. If we could control our drinking, we wouldn't be trying to quit. It's usually far easier to stop completely. If you are concerned health-wise, you could check with your dr before stopping.
I hope you decide to join us and live a sober life.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
Hi and welcome Hopenotlost
I think a lot of us have had well meaning friends family or loved ones tell us we were different.
Its a big adjustment being sober after a long stretch of daily drinking and most of us are bewildered, confused maybe even a little angry.
This is not the best its going to get tho - same with sleeping and the dreams...it might take more than a couple of weeks to get over many years drinking. but you will.
Glad you're here and trying again
D
I think a lot of us have had well meaning friends family or loved ones tell us we were different.
Its a big adjustment being sober after a long stretch of daily drinking and most of us are bewildered, confused maybe even a little angry.
This is not the best its going to get tho - same with sleeping and the dreams...it might take more than a couple of weeks to get over many years drinking. but you will.
Glad you're here and trying again
D
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 18
Originally Posted by Dee74
Hi and welcome Hopenotlost
I think a lot of us have had well meaning friends family or loved ones tell us we were different.
Its a big adjustment being sober after a long stretch of daily drinking and most of us are bewildered, confused maybe even a little angry.
This is not the best its going to get tho - same with sleeping and the dreams...it might take more than a couple of weeks to get over many years drinking. but you will.
Glad you're here and trying again
D
I think a lot of us have had well meaning friends family or loved ones tell us we were different.
Its a big adjustment being sober after a long stretch of daily drinking and most of us are bewildered, confused maybe even a little angry.
This is not the best its going to get tho - same with sleeping and the dreams...it might take more than a couple of weeks to get over many years drinking. but you will.
Glad you're here and trying again
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 18
It's been a while since I've been here, things aren't getting a whole lot better, I've mostly cut down on my drinking but I'm not sure if my health is damaged or not, I really want to quit, is that enough though? I feel lost, can someone offer some guidance please?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Posts: 67
Originally Posted by Hopenotlost
It's been a while since I've been here, things aren't getting a whole lot better, I've mostly cut down on my drinking but I'm not sure if my health is damaged or not, I really want to quit, is that enough though? I feel lost, can someone offer some guidance please?
Being an alcoholic is unhealthy, there's no way to know what damage has been done unless you go to the doctor. One things for sure though, quitting can only help. Our bodies have amazing healing capacities too. I've read from a bunch of people on here who were in bad shape health wise when they were drinking and made full recoveries.
Welcome back! Keep coming back and posting, I'm rooting for you.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 18
Thanks, that helps. I just don't have time or energy to go to things like aa meetings, I don't think that would help. Last time when I did quit cold turkey the only thing that I had real trouble with was insomnia, that was bad. I think as long as I keep slowing down I can get there one day, I guess I'll take baby steps to get there. So what helped you the most when you decided to quit?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Posts: 67
Originally Posted by Hopenotlost
Thanks, that helps. I just don't have time or energy to go to things like aa meetings, I don't think that would help. Last time when I did quit cold turkey the only thing that I had real trouble with was insomnia, that was bad. I think as long as I keep slowing down I can get there one day, I guess I'll take baby steps to get there. So what helped you the most when you decided to quit?
I was worried about the insomnia too, and the first couple nights were rough. Once I stopped worrying about it though, sleep came much easier.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ething-do.html (Looking For Something To Do?)
The above thread has a ton of great ideas for ways to stay busy instead of drinking.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 18
Thanks again, you have been a huge help. I thought about finding something to distract me, my wife and I work a lot and we have 3 growing boys so when it's all said and done at the end of the day I like to relax after all of the chaos is done and everything is quite, the drink helps so maybe that's my "trigger". I have no desire to drink at all when I'm engaged in something so maybe I should focus on something that is more important that can calm me down. I wonder if there is a good vitamin or something that can help me with the insomnia?
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
I think wanting to quit is a fine thing - but I., and everyone I know here, had to put some action behind it - you need to make real changes to get some real change....changes in social interaction, in how you deal with life, feelings, fun, boredom,. relaxation.
It wasn't enough for me to just cut back because I could never maintain that cut back for every long at all.
It may read as overwhelming but it's really not
It was less effort for me than continuing to drink while trying to also remain any kind of functional adult....
support helps - a lot - and theres a lot here.
You could do worse than visit and post here daily
D
It wasn't enough for me to just cut back because I could never maintain that cut back for every long at all.
It may read as overwhelming but it's really not
It was less effort for me than continuing to drink while trying to also remain any kind of functional adult....
support helps - a lot - and theres a lot here.
You could do worse than visit and post here daily
D
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 18
Yeah you're right, everything in moderation right? I'm just glad I have finally gotten to this point ,last night I only drank half a small bottle, I forced myself to dump out the rest. I'm going to try slowly tapering off and maybe try melatonin for helping with sleep, we'll see how that goes. Last night was a really weird sleep so this should be interesting.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
The first couple weeks sleep was elusive for me. I was wound pretty tight emotionally, too. That's really common, Hopenotlost. It's just uncomfortable for a while and then things get immeasurably better.
Your wife? Yeah, don't let her sway you. People who don't have a love for alcohol (or a problem with it) don't understand that we can't just have one. We want moremoremore.
Don't let a few nights of wakefulness sway you either. The nervous system has been medicated/suppressed by alcohol. Removing alcohol leads to a sort of rebound effect.
In early sobriety when I couldn't sleep I used to get up and make a cup of hot chocolate and a piece of toast and come on this site and read for 15-30 minutes. The food helped me go back to sleep. I don't lie in bed and ruminate in the dark if I wake up, I get up and do something. Lots of people find they have issues with blood sugar when newly sober and I found that a snack did the trick.
Don't drag this out. Yank the bandage off and start getting well. The sooner you quit, the sooner the hard part is over. It's going to be uncomfortable. Stay the course, it doesn't last.
Your body will sleep when it needs to, honest. The insomnia is just for a little while.
Your wife? Yeah, don't let her sway you. People who don't have a love for alcohol (or a problem with it) don't understand that we can't just have one. We want moremoremore.
Don't let a few nights of wakefulness sway you either. The nervous system has been medicated/suppressed by alcohol. Removing alcohol leads to a sort of rebound effect.
In early sobriety when I couldn't sleep I used to get up and make a cup of hot chocolate and a piece of toast and come on this site and read for 15-30 minutes. The food helped me go back to sleep. I don't lie in bed and ruminate in the dark if I wake up, I get up and do something. Lots of people find they have issues with blood sugar when newly sober and I found that a snack did the trick.
Don't drag this out. Yank the bandage off and start getting well. The sooner you quit, the sooner the hard part is over. It's going to be uncomfortable. Stay the course, it doesn't last.
Your body will sleep when it needs to, honest. The insomnia is just for a little while.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 18
Originally Posted by biminiblue
The first couple weeks sleep was elusive for me. I was wound pretty tight emotionally, too. That's really common, Hopenotlost. It's just uncomfortable for a while and then things get immeasurably better.
Your wife? Yeah, don't let her sway you. People who don't have a love for alcohol (or a problem with it) don't understand that we can't just have one. We want moremoremore.
Don't let a few nights of wakefulness sway you either. The nervous system has been medicated/suppressed by alcohol. Removing alcohol leads to a sort of rebound effect.
In early sobriety when I couldn't sleep I used to get up and make a cup of hot chocolate and a piece of toast and come on this site and read for 15-30 minutes. The food helped me go back to sleep. I don't lie in bed and ruminate in the dark if I wake up, I get up and do something. Lots of people find they have issues with blood sugar when newly sober and I found that a snack did the trick.
Don't drag this out. Yank the bandage off and start getting well. The sooner you quit, the sooner the hard part is over. It's going to be uncomfortable. Stay the course, it doesn't last.
Your body will sleep when it needs to, honest. The insomnia is just for a little while.
Your wife? Yeah, don't let her sway you. People who don't have a love for alcohol (or a problem with it) don't understand that we can't just have one. We want moremoremore.
Don't let a few nights of wakefulness sway you either. The nervous system has been medicated/suppressed by alcohol. Removing alcohol leads to a sort of rebound effect.
In early sobriety when I couldn't sleep I used to get up and make a cup of hot chocolate and a piece of toast and come on this site and read for 15-30 minutes. The food helped me go back to sleep. I don't lie in bed and ruminate in the dark if I wake up, I get up and do something. Lots of people find they have issues with blood sugar when newly sober and I found that a snack did the trick.
Don't drag this out. Yank the bandage off and start getting well. The sooner you quit, the sooner the hard part is over. It's going to be uncomfortable. Stay the course, it doesn't last.
Your body will sleep when it needs to, honest. The insomnia is just for a little while.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 356
Just a couple of thoughts. You will find many threads here about how drinking just a few leads right back to alcohol abuse. Sad to say, the majority opinion is you have to stop totally. I agree.
Next, if AA is not for you there are online AA meetings where you are not face to face in a room. Also, the forum here is a huge resource.
I am a big believer in counseling. Google drug and alcohol counseling in your area. If you have insurance, it will not cost much. Then you can go one on one with somebody trained in the field. It is good for accountability.
Lastly, something that helped me was a calendar. I keep it on my kitchen table. Each day, I can add another number to the total. It gives you a visual indication of how far you have come. Give it a try. At one time I thought 30 days was impossible. It is great to make progress. Remember it is not too late to make a change.
Best to you.
Next, if AA is not for you there are online AA meetings where you are not face to face in a room. Also, the forum here is a huge resource.
I am a big believer in counseling. Google drug and alcohol counseling in your area. If you have insurance, it will not cost much. Then you can go one on one with somebody trained in the field. It is good for accountability.
Lastly, something that helped me was a calendar. I keep it on my kitchen table. Each day, I can add another number to the total. It gives you a visual indication of how far you have come. Give it a try. At one time I thought 30 days was impossible. It is great to make progress. Remember it is not too late to make a change.
Best to you.
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