Pete6256

I’m going home in a few days to see my mum and sister for the first time in 2 years. I am looking forward to it, but I’m also dreading it.

I’ve just gotten out of 2 weeks of detox and lasted a pathetic 10 days sober on the outside. I’m pretty embarrassed by what a dismal failure that is, especially since they could have given my space to someone that could have made a better go of it. My family doesn’t know about any of this. They don’t even know I have alcohol and drug problems. I’m terrified of what they’re going to think when they see the shell I’ve become walking off the plane. My mum seems genuinely happy for the first time in her life, and I’m not going to ruin that for her by telling her the truth. It’ll absolutely break her heart if she found out I’d been in detox and I can not do that to her.

I know that with Christmas is going to bring relentless pressure to drink almost everyday that I’m almost certain to capitulate to. I’m thinking of pretending to have the flu so I can at least have something of an excuse for my disheveled, sickly appearance and an excuse not to drink.

I’m looking forward to seeing my family, but I just want Christmas to be over so I can go back to concentrating on getting my recovery together. I don’t mean to sound like a Scrooge, but Christmas is just a headache I could do without right now.

Dee74

I hope you can get past you self consciousness and just enjoy the family time Pete.

Sounds like they'll be thrilled to see you

D

Zanna

I agree - they'll be thrilled to see you I dreaded Christmas last year and in the end it wasn't nearly as bad as I'd imagined - Bit like going to the dentist - the build up is far worse then the reality.
I0 days is a great start to build on - way better than those who haven't tried yet.
Happy Christmas ! Xx

Tetrax

Almost finished reading Allen Carr's 'How to Control Alcohol' and am looking forward to my first sober Christmas since childhood beyond measure. I have a whole week off work and won't have to worry about counting drinks, worrying about drinks, or caring about drinks. I recommend this book.

DontRemember

'pull it together'..dress nicely,get some sun/color before you leave and stop drinking now. You can surely hold it together for the trip and then you'll have a good head-start on not drinking/drugging when you get back home. Focus on sobriety 'tools' from here forward and get clean.

sweetichick

I was in doubt about Christmas but am so glad that I didn't pull out. Let Christmas be what its meant to be a happy family reunion.

SnazzyDresser

Bringing this frame of mind into the situation isn't going to be helpful at all. Don't be waiting til after Christmas, things are never gonna be perfect, all lined up with green lights to make not drinking go smoother. The world doesn't work like that. And that all-or-nothing perfectionist view devalues what's actually going on, like when you view Christmas as something you have to grit your teeth to endure while you hold your breath.

Your sobriety has already started, follow thru on it. Get first principles lined up first, then let yourself enjoy the time with your family even if circumstances aren't all ideal. You'll have the bedrock of your sobriety and self-respect to bolster you instead of dread.

MissPerfumado

Can you open up to them? You might scare them more if you show up and there is obviously something wrong with your health, and everyone dances around the issue without talking about it.

I quit the same time of year and I had to tell my family because I was such a big drinker they would have known something was up. I was going back home to spend Christmas at my sister's and that would have meant a lot of boozing under normal circumstances. So I had no choice but to make it clear these were not normal circumstances. Plus I needed their support.

It's really hard having those first conversations. But that's what family is for. I just sent them a thank-you message today to remind them I am 3 years' sober and to express my gratitude to them for not judging me when I was so ashamed to open up to them. What I got back was more love from my family. That was really nice.

You might be making an assumption that your mum would rather not know. In my case, my mum needed to know I was sick.

I'm not saying you have to tell, but maybe just rethink the assumptions that led to you deciding to keep this from them.

Soberwolf

Yeah but this post kinda says I'm standing my ground in recovery and although your full of dread I'd kindly ask you to remember that while there is no alcohol in your blood your sober

Let's think of how you could drink mocktails instead of cocktails or just do what I do and just say nah man I don't drink if they ask why tell em your releasing a book it will all be in there .. but seriously most won't say **** there might be that 1 dork but in my best french **** them - you got this just stick with us

Jim1958

We went to a Thanksgiving event, plenty of booze there. Company Christmas party, beer and margaritas. Next up Christmas and New Years. I am lucky in that I think I am past the worst of it. Christmas won't really be an issue since another family member does not drink. And New Years? I'll be home watching the NYC ball drop. No way I'm out on the road that night. Hang in there.

Anna

I hope you are able to enjoy Christmas with your family.

Try to not feel pressure to discuss your alcoholism in any way, if you are not ready to do so.