Self will run riot?
 

Hi All,

I have been struggling this past week, and trying to pull myself out of a rather negative place... trying to better understand how to manage long-term sobriety using the steps but I keep hitting one obstacle:

I had a fantastic sober period lately and many aspects of my life improved - however what I notice is that I get a sense of 'control' and things can become difficult. I know in AA they would call this 'self will run riot'.. and the AA group i had attended (my sponsor in particular) was very much insisting on the fact that any sense of control is bad news.

I suppose the trick is to stay humble over the long term without trying to control. However.. whenever I feel a complete lack of control over by day-to-day life (such as this week) it actually becomes harder for me to stay sober... can anyone relate? Thanks!

I think you need to have a certain amount of faith that staying sober will work out, even when you get that rush of fear from feeling like things might be getting out of control.

Those fearful moments are what support is made for - use all you have - AA here, family, whatever. You don't have to face any of this alone :_)

the feeling I get now of my life being in control is not self will run riot - it's the end product of a lot of work. I've earned it - and you can too :)

D

There are certain things that we are expected to control in our lives, and that's called being responsible (accountable). I enjoy being able, now, to feel that I'm meeting my obligations with a sense of self-confidence that escaped me when I was personally out of control. I think it's fine to enjoy a sense of accomplishment in such things.

Some people try to exercise control over everything that surrounds them, and that becomes a problem for the individual and, often for others as well, when s/he is perceived as being out of the lane.

I think that feelings of control that can become a problem when expectations are out of bounds or when we approach perfectionism are, for me, mitigated by gratitude and, as you have noted, by being somewhat more humble about our station.

I'd highly recommend hitting up the AA-ppl in the 12-step forums. You'll get answers from ppl with experience in the AA program there. :)