wecoyote13

I'm Exhausted from new schedule, alcohol leaving system, etc...
Wife is Exhausted from kind of matching my new early schedule (and we have 3 young kids)
I'm hoping she can take the lead on my daughter's 5th Birthday
We get through it and she has a great evening (daughter), but wife and I are kind of irritated at each other for being so tired
My little voice: would she know if I had a drink?
My sober voice: yes she would, and could you stop at 1? what's the point?
...and what's scary is all of the notes Iv'e written about regret and damage I've done were distant for a few seconds
...and the notes about all of the positives of sobriety...same
Then my little voice is back: what about our next business trip? does that even count?
My sober voice...same problem...you'll get messed up, pee in or die in a hotel bed, and can you stop when you come home?
....again scary I'm even thinking this...its really been going soooo well so far...but evenings are hell with the little voice.
I'm fine to make it through tonight. We should sleep well...just a ton of work to do on this problem.
good luck all...

least

It won't always be so hard. The longer you're sober, the fainter that voice gets.

DontRemember

Just the way you 'worded' the scenario, I'd suggest you don't drink and work a plan for sobriety. Just re-read it..sounds like a lot of work/awful,when just not drinking will solve most of your problems.

Ghostlight1

I wouldn't look at it if she (your wife) would know you had a drink, would you know you had a drink.
We're only fooling ourselves when we get to the point of hiding drinking, like on business trips.
You did well to consider the consequences. Keep that in mind.
What is to be gained by drinking? What is there to lose?
I think the answer is obvious.
Good for you on making it trough the alcoholic thinking. I hope you can keep it up.

wecoyote13

Start of Day 4, really tired, sat down and read from a good old meditation book last night..."Wherever you go, there you are"...I need to keep fresh and handy the most powerful reasons and moments why I'm doing this. You know them...I was getting dangerously close to losing it all...wife, family, work, and life...and there is a lot to lose...the flip side is infinite to gain and move forward sober... Thanks for all of your comments.

labgirl

Hi We. How are things going for you today?

D122y

We,

That is the battle that still goes on in my head everyday and everywhere.

The av never leaves.

I call it suffering. But, nobody but sr knows. I put on a brave face, my big boy pants, and grow up.

Life is much much easier being drug free. Booze is a big fat drug.

Stay clean.

Thanks.