thomas11

First I will break the not so good news. For those who know me, know that my wife's brother is an alcoholic. His best friend died of a alcoholic stroke last year. He was in an accident and in the hospital for awhile which sobered him up. He said he was on the path to "moderation". Well, he's as bad as ever. He lives in our guest house in California and he sends these nasty text messages to me and my wife. He probably doesn't remember until he checks his phone the next day. He desperately needs some help. We are wondering what we can do being so far away.

The good news, I start a job on Monday and I'm kind of pumped. Got tired of sitting around. Real estate is ok, but I'd rather get up and go to work every day. Its kind of funny, I owned my own business with employees etc...and in order to get a job I ended up going to a temp agency. Oh well, work is work. right?

Lastly, regarding sobriety; I could see the potential that if I didn't install some more structure into my daily routine (ie; working daily) I risk straining my resolve. I have said many times boredom is the enemy and I was getting bored.

SoberLeigh

Best of luck on the new job, Jeff!

I am sorry to hear that your brother-in-law is still struggling. As you and we all know, someone has to really want sobriety before anything anyone else does is of any help.

Let’s pray for an enlightening or defining (and unharmful) moment in your BIL’s life.

Anna

Jeff, I hope the new job goes well. I'm sorry about your brother-in-law. It's hard when we want to help someone who isn't ready yet.

Fearlessat50

I’m really sorry about your BIL. It’s so hard to see family go down. I am hoping something happens to turn your BIL around. I am hoping for strength for you and your wife as you deal with this. I don’t have any advice to give on what to do in your situation. It seems complicated! But I am sure you are not alone in this and there may be others in a similar situation who can help.

Congrats on your new job and on your self awareness around the boredom issue.

least

Congrats on the new job! I'm sorry your bil is drinking. It's true that we can't do much for them unless/until they want help. I hope he sees the light.

D122y

Thomas,

I know that drinking will hurt and eventually kill me sooner.

I drank like a fish because I didn't know better. My addiction kept me blind until I was nearly ruined.

I got clean drug free and off and on it was a living hell. I told many stories about it that have been lost in the auto delete nature of this site. My blog best captures my healing.

I have no desire to ever drink again. It makes me terrified to even think about it. I have come so far.

I can't help but to wonder if the nature of one's recovery method e.g. meds, aa, smart, counseling, sr...etc...could leave a person I'll prepared for sobriety under normal life stressors.

For example...I cant go to that party, there will be booze everywhere. I need to go straight to my therapist to deal w this..etc etc.

I believe until a person truly suffers the hell of full on sobriety med free without being able to go to a meeting or call somebody...they could be lacking of all the tools to achieve full freedom.

This enslaved feeling can blow up and end up causing a relapse. A person in that situation might just decide if 1 drink resets my clock..e.g. 3 years sober down the drain...may as well stay drunk for a while...or forever.

Kind of like suicide by cop.

Obviously, there are tons of variables..e.g...depressed on top of addiction, but from a single diagnosis angle this might help someone.

For your consideration.

Thanks.

Soberwolf

Well done on your new job bro

Delilah1

Congrats on the new job Jeff!!

ScottFromWI

Congrats on the new job, that in itself could certainly provide you with some new energy and focus. Regarding your BIL, as you well know from your experience with alcohol ( and the rest of us ), there's likely very little you could do or say that will change his thoughts on alcohol. Just out of curiosity, have you considered that allowing him to live in your place might be a form of enabling his drinking? I have no idea what the situation might be if he's renting or whatever, but it is your place so you could put your foot down there.

thomas11

Scott there is no doubt we are enabling him by letting him stay there. He also owns a small business and he occupies much of the property with vehicles, tools, equipment etc....

My wife is from South America and Latin culture is family oriented. To a fault IMO. His "free ride" will come to end soon if he doesn't back off. Its really sad.

thomas11

That is so true right? I keep telling my wife that we can't do anything for him unless he WANTS help. Her family is looking into rehab options and I told her its a waste of time. This site has taught me that.

Dee74

Bets of luck with the new job Jeff.

All I can say about your brother in law is I hope he finds his way like we did.

D

labgirl

Thomas. I'm sorry about your BIL. I hope he finds his way soon.
I know what you mean regardless structure with a job. The weekends or time off is hardest for me
Good luck to you.

Zebra1275

Good idea changing up your routine because you were concerned that all of your unstructured time could cause you problems. The structure of having a job you go to everyday will help.

I retired about a year ago and I was concerned that with all of the free time and no employer to be accountable to, I could be at risk for a relapse. Fortunately, that fear passed pretty quickly. I'm coming up on 9 years of sobriety and the further removed I am from my last drunk, the less likely I am to drink again.

The structure of a job may help you now, but I bet that as your sober time increases you will be ok without it.

Mango212

Hi Thomas, congrats on the new job!! How is going?

Regarding your BIL and d122y in regards to recovery methods, there are many paths to healing.

What I learn from each method of healing can be used, transformed or dumped along the way. I have a whole lifetime to keep discovering new things.

One phrase I really like from 12 step programs is "Take what you like and leave the rest."

In Al-anon there's also a saying that "Changed attitudes can aid recovery." That doesn't specify if it's our own recovery or our loved ones, but I've seen both happen. If you haven't checked out Al-anon, it could be worth a few meetings simply to explore it a bit.