When my life stopped being fun and started becoming just sad.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 140
When my life stopped being fun and started becoming just sad.
When I was in my early 20’s, alcohol and drugs were just what we did for entertainment. I was going out everyday with my friends and life was all drinking, drugs and parties. The future was wide open, unwritten and full of possibilities. I knew I’d have to grow up and become responsible eventually, but that was tomorrow’s problem. Right now, I was happy being the group drunkard in a group of drunkards.
Fast forward 15 years and all my former friends did grow up. One by one, they all got married, had kids, settled down and live normal decent lives. I was the kind of guy who continued drinking even on my own if necessary, long after the party was over and everyone had gone home. Now the party is well and truly over. I’m in my 30’s, still drinking and doing drugs but there are no parties to go to anymore. Now all my attempts at maturity and to finally straighten myself out have been met by abject failure. I’ve ruined my health, I barely talk to my family, I have no friends or self respect left at all. I’ve pushed away everyone that was close to me including girls because they got in the way of my drinking. Today, I just live alone in a cold empty basement waiting for a future that I can see is never likely to happen.
I’m really angry at myself. I’ve only got myself to blame for the mess that my life is in. I took it for granted for years that things would just eventually sort themselves out and I’d settle down and be happy like everyone else. That once bright future has just become an ever receding horizon. Next week, next month, next year I will get myself together. But that day never seems to come. That future was just a mirage. I’ve been to detox, tried AA, CA but I’m just too lazy to put the hard work in. Every time the going gets tough, I do what I’ve always done and just taken the easy way out. I was always convinced I was going the right way, so I just ignored the warning signs urging me to turn back, and just kept going. The ground beneath my feet became more overgrown, the trail becoming less clear and the sky was getting darker. Now I’ve finally realised I’m completely lost and alone. I honestly feel completely exhausted and don’t know if I have the strength left to find a way back. I just feel like I want to lay down and die.
If there are any people reading this that are still in their 20’s, please please don’t be an arrogant ******** like I was. Don’t ignore the warning signs and keep going like I did in the belief that things will just sort themselves out. If you don’t try it won’t happen. Otherwise life can just pass you by without you even realizing it. As I’m beginning to learn, you can’t ever get those years back.
Fast forward 15 years and all my former friends did grow up. One by one, they all got married, had kids, settled down and live normal decent lives. I was the kind of guy who continued drinking even on my own if necessary, long after the party was over and everyone had gone home. Now the party is well and truly over. I’m in my 30’s, still drinking and doing drugs but there are no parties to go to anymore. Now all my attempts at maturity and to finally straighten myself out have been met by abject failure. I’ve ruined my health, I barely talk to my family, I have no friends or self respect left at all. I’ve pushed away everyone that was close to me including girls because they got in the way of my drinking. Today, I just live alone in a cold empty basement waiting for a future that I can see is never likely to happen.
I’m really angry at myself. I’ve only got myself to blame for the mess that my life is in. I took it for granted for years that things would just eventually sort themselves out and I’d settle down and be happy like everyone else. That once bright future has just become an ever receding horizon. Next week, next month, next year I will get myself together. But that day never seems to come. That future was just a mirage. I’ve been to detox, tried AA, CA but I’m just too lazy to put the hard work in. Every time the going gets tough, I do what I’ve always done and just taken the easy way out. I was always convinced I was going the right way, so I just ignored the warning signs urging me to turn back, and just kept going. The ground beneath my feet became more overgrown, the trail becoming less clear and the sky was getting darker. Now I’ve finally realised I’m completely lost and alone. I honestly feel completely exhausted and don’t know if I have the strength left to find a way back. I just feel like I want to lay down and die.
If there are any people reading this that are still in their 20’s, please please don’t be an arrogant ******** like I was. Don’t ignore the warning signs and keep going like I did in the belief that things will just sort themselves out. If you don’t try it won’t happen. Otherwise life can just pass you by without you even realizing it. As I’m beginning to learn, you can’t ever get those years back.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
I'm sorry to read you're still struggling Pete but welcome back.
is it lazinness? I dunno.
Drinking made me very apathetic - about everything - I had no self respect no regard for my well being or hope for the future.
And thinking about not drinking terrified me.
Those things kept me in a state of inaction for a long time.
Our addiction loves to have us feeling to struggle is futile - but trying to escape addiction is not futile...
which is why we think about that so much...that's your healthy instinct for self preservation kicking in Pete.
Anyone who can get it together enough to post here is nowhere near too far gone
Why not fan those self preservation flames a little and start posting regularly here again?
D
I’ve been to detox, tried AA, CA but I’m just too lazy to put the hard work in. Every time the going gets tough, I do what I’ve always done and just taken the easy way out.
Drinking made me very apathetic - about everything - I had no self respect no regard for my well being or hope for the future.
And thinking about not drinking terrified me.
Those things kept me in a state of inaction for a long time.
Our addiction loves to have us feeling to struggle is futile - but trying to escape addiction is not futile...
which is why we think about that so much...that's your healthy instinct for self preservation kicking in Pete.
Anyone who can get it together enough to post here is nowhere near too far gone
Why not fan those self preservation flames a little and start posting regularly here again?
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 205
Pete I hope you don’t quit trying. I’ve sobered up in my 30’s and wished I had quit sooner too. Think of the many people who wait much longer. 30’s are a good age to quit for some of the reasons you mentioned. You don’t have to worry so much about your friends all wanting to party because most are settled down. In fact, you might be able to reconnect with some of them. Wishing you the best tonight.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Right here, right now
Posts: 3,971
Pete, please don’t give up on yourself. Thank you for posting. You are not alone. If you are still drinking, alcohol is a depressant and will put you in such a dark place. If you stop, you will gradually find the light. I am in my 50’s. I did t stop drinking until a couple years ago. Prior to that I tried many times, had several relapses, felt I wanted to die, etc.
Here I am 23 months sober in my mid 50’s and feeling great. Life still has its ups and downs and always will. But it’s so much better sober. Please do t give up on yourself. There is a better life for you. Please keep coming here for support.
Here I am 23 months sober in my mid 50’s and feeling great. Life still has its ups and downs and always will. But it’s so much better sober. Please do t give up on yourself. There is a better life for you. Please keep coming here for support.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 2,872
I was like you. I went to a party and didn't leave for thirty years.
Like you, at the end I was the only one at the party, but it kept right on rolling.
It took a very low bottom for me to finally quit. And it sounds like you're there.
Put the work into it. I had to. And it worked.
I was in my 40's when I finally got clean. That was ten years ago.
You're still young, too. You've got your whole life in front of you.
I hope you can do the legwork or whatever it takes to quit.
It takes effort and you wouldn't be posting here if you didn't have even an inkling for help. It's here.
Your advice to the young is heartfelt. It's time to think of saving yourself.
I hope you can do whatever it takes.
I did. Now I'm happy, joyous and free. You can be to. Try.
Like you, at the end I was the only one at the party, but it kept right on rolling.
It took a very low bottom for me to finally quit. And it sounds like you're there.
Put the work into it. I had to. And it worked.
I was in my 40's when I finally got clean. That was ten years ago.
You're still young, too. You've got your whole life in front of you.
I hope you can do the legwork or whatever it takes to quit.
It takes effort and you wouldn't be posting here if you didn't have even an inkling for help. It's here.
Your advice to the young is heartfelt. It's time to think of saving yourself.
I hope you can do whatever it takes.
I did. Now I'm happy, joyous and free. You can be to. Try.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 125
Today is the perfect day to turn things around and stop drinking, Pete. I quit when I was 33 (almost a year ago), and I'd also been drinking for 15 years or so. I thought I couldn't change, that I was too far gone, etc., and none of it was true. I did change, have changed, and continue to change in wonderful and interesting ways. I've reconnected with friends, deepened other friendships, moved forward with stalled projects and goals, lost 50 pounds...you too can change for the better. The key is to give yourself the chance and the time necessary to by quitting the booze now. It is a liar and will drag you down every time. We're all rooting for you and here for you 
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 1,327
Totally relate dude. I'm a guy in my early 30s. And I totally relate. It's kinda like, where the hell has everyone gone? The party's still going, right??? APPARENTLY NOT. APPARENTLY ALL THOSE PEOPLE WHO ATTENDED HAVE ACTUAL LIVES TO LEAD...
No Dogma Please
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: SoCal
Posts: 2,562
You want to be sitting in that basement in 20 years? Or worse?
Keep drinking and doing blow.
What's gonna happen if you try and quit and then have another drink?
Basement.
Or another line?
Basement again.
You want to change things?
Make the decision that you are no longer a drinker/drugger.
I didn't stop until I was in my 50s, but I also had long periods of less destructive drinking where I could kinda have a life. My 40s were spent finding guys that were still at the party. Parts of those years I wouldn't trade.
There were four of us. Two are sober, one is now a father of two kids and nearly so (formerly huge stoner), and one drank himself to death.
Will making a commitment to not drinking and drugging, and sticking with it, get you out of the basement?
There are no guarantees, but you will stay there if you don't stop. That's guaranteed. And by stop I mean never drink or drug again.
Not drinking is way more fun than it sounds.
I never really tried to quit before I found myself in rehab. Then something clicked, I didn't want to do it any more, so I wouldn't. That was almost 2 years ago.
I have the willpower of about 1 gnat, willpower had exactly zero to do with it. Once I made that decision and took the steps to stay that way it was relatively easy. I only had to really do one thing. Not drink.
Do it.
Keep drinking and doing blow.
What's gonna happen if you try and quit and then have another drink?
Basement.
Or another line?
Basement again.
You want to change things?
Make the decision that you are no longer a drinker/drugger.
I didn't stop until I was in my 50s, but I also had long periods of less destructive drinking where I could kinda have a life. My 40s were spent finding guys that were still at the party. Parts of those years I wouldn't trade.
There were four of us. Two are sober, one is now a father of two kids and nearly so (formerly huge stoner), and one drank himself to death.
Will making a commitment to not drinking and drugging, and sticking with it, get you out of the basement?
There are no guarantees, but you will stay there if you don't stop. That's guaranteed. And by stop I mean never drink or drug again.
Not drinking is way more fun than it sounds.
I never really tried to quit before I found myself in rehab. Then something clicked, I didn't want to do it any more, so I wouldn't. That was almost 2 years ago.
I have the willpower of about 1 gnat, willpower had exactly zero to do with it. Once I made that decision and took the steps to stay that way it was relatively easy. I only had to really do one thing. Not drink.
Do it.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 1,339
Well, Pete, you are in good company here.
Just because things were not working for you does not mean that they cannot now. Your mind has you convinced that you cannot behave differently and that you are not worth it. Something is probably enabling you to be able to continue, what is that? I had all of these things going on with me, for a long while, and I continued to drink.
I will not go into my story further, it's not a whole lot different than others' around here.
The only thing that's going to start making things better is to stop drinking and using. You have to be ready to do that more than anything else. If it takes losing everything you have now to get there, believe me it will happen.
If you feel paralyzed by inaction, maybe you can start with a couple things along with putting down the drugs. See a doctor and honestly tell your story, get a full medical opinion of where you stand, including your mental health. You might as well know some facts. There are programs that hold you accountable for your abstinence, if you are willing to engage in that, consider it. Look into SMART recovery or the other programs that are different from AA/CA. None of those things are very hard to do.
You can have a better life, take your own advice to those younger than you in action as well as in words.
Just because things were not working for you does not mean that they cannot now. Your mind has you convinced that you cannot behave differently and that you are not worth it. Something is probably enabling you to be able to continue, what is that? I had all of these things going on with me, for a long while, and I continued to drink.
I will not go into my story further, it's not a whole lot different than others' around here.
The only thing that's going to start making things better is to stop drinking and using. You have to be ready to do that more than anything else. If it takes losing everything you have now to get there, believe me it will happen.
If you feel paralyzed by inaction, maybe you can start with a couple things along with putting down the drugs. See a doctor and honestly tell your story, get a full medical opinion of where you stand, including your mental health. You might as well know some facts. There are programs that hold you accountable for your abstinence, if you are willing to engage in that, consider it. Look into SMART recovery or the other programs that are different from AA/CA. None of those things are very hard to do.
You can have a better life, take your own advice to those younger than you in action as well as in words.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 2,408
You can turn it around. The answer is very simple and doesn’t cost a penny: get sober and stay sober by committing your life to a recovery program of action such as AA for example (others are available).
The hopelessless you feel is required for an alcoholic to admit defeat, surrender, and start the journey of recovery in my experience. Into action as they say...
The hopelessless you feel is required for an alcoholic to admit defeat, surrender, and start the journey of recovery in my experience. Into action as they say...
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,423
Lots of us quit far later in life than you are--it isn't the end but the beginning.
This is true, and your future can be bright as you make it.
Put down the bottle and get out the basement.
How about some fresh air and good, healthy food today?
This is true, and your future can be bright as you make it.
Put down the bottle and get out the basement.
How about some fresh air and good, healthy food today?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Posts: 131
Pete, you have enormous opportunity still. It might look solely bleak, but you are still at an age where literally everything is an option...entry level job with room for advancement, higher ed, creative realization, supreme health and fitness, world travel, altruism, realized and meaningful relationships, and virtue. Society doesn't blink an eye at someone your age working towards any of these things.
It will be painful releasing your brain from it's present hijacked state, but if/when sober you can do it. You are realistically free to be anything, still. That is a fairly awesome reality
It will be painful releasing your brain from it's present hijacked state, but if/when sober you can do it. You are realistically free to be anything, still. That is a fairly awesome reality
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: NC
Posts: 1,737
I was in my forties when I finally decided to do whatever it took every day to stay sober. At the time, I saw it as having wasted half my life. In reality, I gained forty years of a life in which I actually enjoy the challenges rather than drink over them. I don't win every battle, but I do stay sober every day and am grateful for everything good in my life. What made those things possible? Sobriety. What keeps them in my life? Sobriety.
The best day to plant an oak tree is twenty years ago. The second best day is today.
The best day to plant an oak tree is twenty years ago. The second best day is today.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,919
I’ve been to detox, tried AA, CA but I’m just too lazy to put the hard work in.
You might not be lazy at all. But you might be clinically depressed.
Make an appointment with your Dr. or a mental health professional, and be as honest with them as you are in this post.
In graduate school I once lived in a basement apartment because the rent was cheap. Living "below ground" in the winter with out any sunlight, in a dreary basement apartment was depressing as hell. A change of scenery might help.
You might not be lazy at all. But you might be clinically depressed.
Make an appointment with your Dr. or a mental health professional, and be as honest with them as you are in this post.
In graduate school I once lived in a basement apartment because the rent was cheap. Living "below ground" in the winter with out any sunlight, in a dreary basement apartment was depressing as hell. A change of scenery might help.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 125
I would second the suggestion to speak to a doctor about mental health. Getting my lifelong generalized anxiety disorder finally under control has no doubt been huge in helping me stay sober. The cycle of drinking of avoid anxiety or quell depression, then becoming extremely depressed or panic ridden afterward, is hell, but it doesn't have to be that way.
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