SR -- Round 2
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2018
Posts: 13
SR -- Round 2
I don't know what to do.
Well, I know what to do, but I feel like the damage I've caused in my life is past the point of fixing. An outsider might think, "hey, no one's dead! you don't have a criminal record! you've managed to get by scott free!"
That's the scariest part for me, I think. Sooner or later my luck will run out. And I don't think you could believe how lucky I've been. The one silver lining that I see in all of my messiness is that SOMEONE SOMEWHERE must be looking out for me bc there are times I could've killed someone. There are times I should have been locked up. It makes me sick to think about it too deeply.
As for where I am now, people are sick of me. I'm sick of me, but there's this painfulness in knowing that all the people around you have written you off as a lost cause. What a selfish way to think since I've made this mess for myself. I know that. But it still hurts a lot. I'll always be labeled. It annoys me SO MUCH. I don't want that label.
Now I'm rambling, but long story short -- I'm a SR lurker who disappeared for about a year and now I'm back. I also have been in the rooms, and I think I'll be getting back into that as well. At this point, I don't really have a lot of other choices. No one else wants much to do with me.
That concludes my pity party for the morning. Thanks for listening.
Well, I know what to do, but I feel like the damage I've caused in my life is past the point of fixing. An outsider might think, "hey, no one's dead! you don't have a criminal record! you've managed to get by scott free!"
That's the scariest part for me, I think. Sooner or later my luck will run out. And I don't think you could believe how lucky I've been. The one silver lining that I see in all of my messiness is that SOMEONE SOMEWHERE must be looking out for me bc there are times I could've killed someone. There are times I should have been locked up. It makes me sick to think about it too deeply.
As for where I am now, people are sick of me. I'm sick of me, but there's this painfulness in knowing that all the people around you have written you off as a lost cause. What a selfish way to think since I've made this mess for myself. I know that. But it still hurts a lot. I'll always be labeled. It annoys me SO MUCH. I don't want that label.
Now I'm rambling, but long story short -- I'm a SR lurker who disappeared for about a year and now I'm back. I also have been in the rooms, and I think I'll be getting back into that as well. At this point, I don't really have a lot of other choices. No one else wants much to do with me.
That concludes my pity party for the morning. Thanks for listening.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Grumpy,
I had a dr's appointment last week.
He said he could not believe someone who had a history of blood pressure like me can get back in the normal range from lisonpril alone.
He said my exercise is working.
If I drank again, all this growth would revert to loss.
Coping mechanisms are a huge deal for me these days.
I still obsess way too much. But, since I am clean I have a better chance of fixing the problem.
The av will say anything to get me to drink and if I didn't have major issues w brain and body damage form drinking, I would be drunk right now.
I just woke up after 5 hours of sleep and actually felt hung over. The hang over was from natural melatonin. It is the best hangover in the world.
I get high sometimes from exercise. Endorphins and adrenaline. Best high in the world. Chasing it is a great thing.
Also, it has taken this long for my constant joint and muscle inflammation to begin to subside.
Omg...this is what almost normal feels like.
It takes years of sobriety to break free. The whole way there are moments of temptation, but there are also moments of growth.
Thanks.
I had a dr's appointment last week.
He said he could not believe someone who had a history of blood pressure like me can get back in the normal range from lisonpril alone.
He said my exercise is working.
If I drank again, all this growth would revert to loss.
Coping mechanisms are a huge deal for me these days.
I still obsess way too much. But, since I am clean I have a better chance of fixing the problem.
The av will say anything to get me to drink and if I didn't have major issues w brain and body damage form drinking, I would be drunk right now.
I just woke up after 5 hours of sleep and actually felt hung over. The hang over was from natural melatonin. It is the best hangover in the world.
I get high sometimes from exercise. Endorphins and adrenaline. Best high in the world. Chasing it is a great thing.
Also, it has taken this long for my constant joint and muscle inflammation to begin to subside.
Omg...this is what almost normal feels like.
It takes years of sobriety to break free. The whole way there are moments of temptation, but there are also moments of growth.
Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Phoenix
Posts: 1,189
Hey Grumpy,
I made a mess of things as well during my drinking career, but also held some things together. You can always sacrifice more for the love affair you are having with booze, or you could fold now and walk away. No matter who has written you off, you can still build a sober life for yourself. A life that you love and can be proud of, and those who left may come back around. Either way, don't YOU deserve a shot at peace and harmony with yourself?
Hugs
...WF
I made a mess of things as well during my drinking career, but also held some things together. You can always sacrifice more for the love affair you are having with booze, or you could fold now and walk away. No matter who has written you off, you can still build a sober life for yourself. A life that you love and can be proud of, and those who left may come back around. Either way, don't YOU deserve a shot at peace and harmony with yourself?
Hugs
...WF
Ocean Lover!
Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: You know nothing Jon Snow - UK
Posts: 2,604
Welcome Grumpybear! I can identify with feeling like everyone was steering clear of me and didn’t have a particularly high opinion of me either. However what others think of you is really not important, what does matter is what you think of yourself and that’s where a lot of the work in sobriety has been for me.
People like to judge and label, but once you begin to have faith and love for yourself you will find that what others think bothers you less. We can’t control what others think or do and accepting that is also quite liberating.
Wish you all the best and hope to see more posts from you! xx
People like to judge and label, but once you begin to have faith and love for yourself you will find that what others think bothers you less. We can’t control what others think or do and accepting that is also quite liberating.
Wish you all the best and hope to see more posts from you! xx
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 374
hey grumpy
I to felt just excatly like your feeling right now
I turned it around for me
I jumped on the sober bus and I never looked back
That was almost a year ago ...
Ive learned more in one one year sober than I have in 50 years
I'm not afraid to look in the mirror anymore
I actually like what I see now
I've learned to love myself in a way I've never EVER done
I respect myself and others around me
Its so so worth it ...
keep with us ...you CAN do this
cara x
I to felt just excatly like your feeling right now
I turned it around for me
I jumped on the sober bus and I never looked back
That was almost a year ago ...
Ive learned more in one one year sober than I have in 50 years
I'm not afraid to look in the mirror anymore
I actually like what I see now
I've learned to love myself in a way I've never EVER done
I respect myself and others around me
Its so so worth it ...
keep with us ...you CAN do this
cara x
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