Ellie May 1001

Procrastination...........I actually think that's a very good answer.

WeThinkNot

What made me drink even though I knew the damage it was causing me? For me that is a very simple question:

I didn't love myself so what did it matter.

After going through the mother of all withdrawals I realized that I might not be so lucky if there was ever a next time. Then the question was easy...do I want to try living or should I just end it all right now? I resolved to put 110% effort into recovery for the first time and the journey has rewarded me many times over.

Now...I love myself so I don't drink.

comtnman740

Great question! I skimmed the bottom of the pool for years and looking back i've come to realize that it was a number of events that we're completely unmanageable. Was it nearly dying of pancreatitus or living in a homeless shelter? Destroying relationships or my health? It all pointed to step 1. I was and am powerless over alcohol and when i drink my life will become unmanageable. I hope you find some peace. : )
Garriosn

Derringer

That is classic text book alcoholism.

'it'll be different this time'

The big book of Alcoholics Anonymous sites dozens of such cases .... its been the catch cry of many a relapse.

Alcoholics thinking and drinking hasn't changed, some say the big book is outdated because it was written 80 odd years ago, but it is still as relevant today as it ever was because, its still all the same old **** going on (and on and on).

If you're going to read a book try that.

A couple of quotes

“The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker.” p.30

“Many of us felt that we had plenty of character. There was a tremendous urge to cease forever. Yet we found it impossible. This is the baffling feature of alcoholism as we know it – this utter inability to leave it alone, no matter how great the necessity or the wish.” p.34

By permission AA World Services Inc.

MantaLady

What made me drink when I knew I should not? For me it was because I wasn’t willing to sit through and feel uncomfortable feelings. Time and time again I picked up due to some stress or anger or a feeling sad, abandoned, lonely and many other negative emotions. The urge to medicate against those feelings always overtook the reality of the consequences at the time. I relate to WeThinkNot to, I really didn’t like myself and didn’t think I was worth saving and deserved to be unhappy.

Glad I don't have to feel that way anymore xx

MindfulMan

What were the negative consequences of your drinking?

I got Step One like Paul on the road to Damascus and had a drug counsellor that was very artful in repeating and reinforcing that I indeed was a lifelong addict and the sobriety periods were reprieves, not the base state of being for me.

I had horrible negative consequences and resolved that if the only way to assure that they would never happen again was to never take another sip of alcohol (or drugs, I was kind of a garbage head), so be it.

Once I made that decision that little voice would talk, but would wither and die under the slightest glance from me. Some call it the Addictive Voice, or AV. I just call it pathetic.

Make that decision and tell that little punk voice to eff off if he/she shows up. It really has no power at that point.

Only you can deny its power. Only you can stop lifting a glass to your face. You can get help, you can go to meetings, and that's all fantastic, but it all comes down to you and knowing that you're bigger than that voice, or if you do AA, that your higher power is.