bodhi01

Hi all,
I've been here before but that was quite some time ago. Every time I go into this with the best intentions and every time I fail. My attempts in the past never seem to get past 8-9 months, sometimes 3 and the reason I fail is a familiar one, I convince myself I'm no longer addicted to alcohol and I trust myself to drink again. I've been drinking heavily again for about a year now. I feel good about the decision to quit again, really good, it's always the same for me, when I decide I instantly feel strong, like some heavy burden has been lifted from me.
What is going to be different this time? I'm going to tackle this in a lot more depth than ever before, really look into the science of why I am the way I am. I recently learned it's the stimulative effect it has on me that makes me addicted, it acts as a psychomotor stimulant. I knew this as a feeling as I tried to explain to a friend once how alcohol makes me feel when getting drunk, it can be similar to taking a drug like cocaine. I believe the understanding will help me rationalize and find more strength to beat this. Having a scientific understanding has to be better than my just being complacent with drowning my sorrows.
I had a harsh childhood and the past few years have been very tough but I'm not making excuses anymore, I want to contribute some good to this world and at the moment I feel I take far more than I give. I've got a lot of challenges ahead, I have a few personality disorders that I'm aware of, many of which have led me to turn to alcohol.
Now I'm motivated I have plenty of time to get a solid plan in place before the looming monster tries to convince me to go back. I'm determined as ever.
Thanks for reading.

soberandhonest

Thanks for posting bodhi01. You can do this. If I can give one piece of advice, it would be to change your focus a bit from emotions like "determination" and "strength", which your post really speaks to, and more action-based objective goals like writing a recovery plan with a focus on months 3-12, exercise, posting here every day, reading about addiction, etc. Emotions are important, but relying on them for long-term sobriety becomes very difficult. None of us can maintain a heightened level of strength and grit, or any other emotion, for a long period of time. Long-term sobriety is like keeping a tidy home. We have a list of tasks that need to be completed each day or each week or each month, and day in and day out, we check them off.

Ghostlight1

Drinking makes us over stimulated and disinhibited. Maybe that's what you're feeling.
It explained a lot to me and I certainly fit the mold of wanting to obtain those feelings. Again, and again and again.
I had a rough childhood, also. But there is no rational excuse for the alcoholic to drink.

Good for you for your motivation to quit. I hope it clicks and sticks this time.
Best to you in sobriety.

doggonecarl

Welcome.

Maybe understanding why you drink helps. But learning how to stay quit is crucial to recovery.

Anna

I'm glad that you're looking to add more things to your recovery plan. I do think it's important to deal with any kind of personality/mental issues, along with not drinking. I also think it's important to remember that stopping drinking is the beginning, but I needed to add things in my life that brought me joy.

MesaMan

.
I'm a hard core Science-type Guy, so me understanding *enough* Science about my Drinking was satisfying, and part of me accepting zero Alcohol intake fo evah. There's neat Video of how the Brain reacts to Alcohol; as captured on increasingly-fast MRIs, etc.. And, the reality of Neural Pathways now being etched and ready to 'ignite' again were I to imbibe made sense to me.

At the end of the Day, I reached a sated point about the Science of various mechanisms in me. The critical point was to gently close that Chapter on Self Discovery, and get on with living Sober. That is, we each hold the individual key to learning the Science.

Being older, the understanding I reached was similar to decided I had *enough* Money to retire on. Or, deciding I was fit *enough* to do Activities I enjoy. Enough is enough when *I* decided it was. I then turned my attention to the pragmatic issues of enjoying a Sober Life. Avoiding Alcohol-oriented gatherings and Dinners, and making mostly-small changes in daily regimens until they became my New Normal. I'm big on routine.

It was then that I got to the point of what I call 'Effortless Sobriety'. I enjoy continuing to learn, and that's a component of why I circle back to SR. And, learn from long-term Sober Folks I meet out and about in the World; a place I call 'The SoberSphere'.
.

Zencat

This is a good time to write out your sobriety plan. I would like to see what you have or want.

Believe in yourself because you can achieve all your healthy living goals.

Dee74

welcome back

D

Hevyn

It's great to have you with us, bodhi.

You sound disgusted & ready to get free. You can do it!

Ghostlight1

My apologizes. I didn't realize this was your first post and you're a new member.
So, welcome. You've found a great place for support.
Best to you.

bodhi01

Thank you, everyone. A lot of the advice has been really great and there are certainly things there that I've already given a lot of consideration to. I was in Ireland at the weekend, I spent a lot of time taking in the history of it all (really into my history) and it made me realise how much I miss out on through drink. I could be visiting historical sites all over Europe, reading and learning about the history of the places I love, making a contribution, joining some societies. I know I can't do that with drink in my life because it kills my motivation and focus. I was looking through books in the museum of these beautiful Bronze Age sites in the countryside thinking how, without drink, I could be out at sunset at these places, taking photos and spending more time amongst nature. I'm a writer in my spare time and have had a screenplay almost finished for about a year and a half now. I'm really proud of it as I've poured my heart and soul into it but it's sat there gathering dust, incomplete, because of my drinking. I have two unfinished books I've been writing for the past few years also. One of the books I want to self-publish then donate any proceeds to a children's charity. There is the motivation to stay sober for good but I agree a written plan would be very helpful. I don't really know where to start? Can anyone help with ideas?

Guener

Hello, Bodhi, it's inspiring to read that you are looking at things with a renewed perspective toward what is lain out before you in the world and how you can return to your gift of writing with interest once again.

Dee74

This is a good link to start you off
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...very-plan.html (What exactly is a recovery plan?)
D

PhoenixJ

Bo - welcome.
Understanding why we booze and it's effects helps- BUT having a pro active plan and ways to stay sober on a daily basis is vital for me. My gran used to say 'the road to hell is paved with good intentions'...oh so true for me.
And I do mean DAILY, for me. Meetings, SR, journal, GP, psychologist AND research.

Support to you.