thomas11

I have spent the morning crying and crying. Emotions have bubbled up from nowhere. I feel like my life has been such an utter failure. One after the other. It hurts really bad sometimes. I think it has passed. I can not tell anyone about this (except my SR family).

least

I'm sorry you are feeling so badly.

DarklingSong

Support to you. I am glad to hear the worst of it has passed.

aasharon90

I'm glad that you have found comfort in coming
here to SR to share your feelings with. Keeping
our emotions locked up inside us is not healthy.
Finding an outlet or folks that will listen without
judgement isn't always easy.


Many of us come here to share whatever is
going on with us or in our lives and just need
a shoulder to lean on, compassion and understanding.

Having folks here in SR allows us to know that
no matter what ever is going on with us, we never
have to face it alone or by ourselves.

We are here for you Thomas with love and
compassion in our hearts to lift you up.

doggonecarl

Not sure why you have to keep this to yourself, but it seems the kind of thing that face-to-face counseling is good for.

thomas11

I am very close to doing just that. I've even found some therapists who sound like they could help me.

Zanna

I always scoffed at counselling (therapy) but recently went through some CBT for non alcohol related issues. I was surprised! It's really just like a friend giving you a different perspective on things and it really does help - I'm the biggest cynic on the planet, so if it helped me, it will help anyone
Give it a go pal Xx

SoberLeigh

Love to you, Jeff.

Please know that, from my perspective, you are far, far, far from a failure.

We are here for you always.

Anna

John you have been supportive and helpful to many of our members, and I know you are not useless. The voice that is telling you that is wrong.

Dee74

I was hamstrung for a lot of years by a macho code of conduct my dad and others instilled in me.

These days I reckon its an act of extreme courage to open up and ask for help

I think counselling is a good idea if you can move forward with that Jeff

For what its worth, from the little I know about you, you've had many successes - quitting drinking alone - and staying quit - is a massive achievement

Take it easy on yourself man

D

Zanna

^^^ what he said

Spider

With you Thomas...though no particulars were mentioned they really don't matter. I know I have done "good" in my time here and yet I completely fixate on the failure(s), exacerbated by my own inability to see any context...just layering new wrinkles of dysfunction on to issue. Because of my iconoclastic nature and extravagantly high standards for others too, I have found myself fairly isoed. Therapy helps and though I see real problems with the logic in AA, there are some there who are good and decent.

As for your profile pic, I hope he/she is yours. I have had Golden Retrievers for close to 30 years...3 in all. Mine now is pushing into his 14th year. They are among the finest creatures on the planet...no duplicity, ever forgiving, and kind to the bone with all living beings. Living art. Give em a pat from me

peacefulintent

Oh Thomas, wish I could send good thoughts your way. Life can be really hard sometimes, but please do not feel like a failure. I love reading your responses and you are clearly a thoughtful and kind person. You have so much to offer!
Try and remember that time will heal and this too shall pass. Hugs sent your way.

2ndhandrose

(((((Jeff)))))

I really hope you find someone to talk to.

Your life is not a failure. I promise you that.

D122y

Thomas,

Virtual hugs my friend.

My new mantra BpSSS. That is what will happen if I drink again. Blood pressure rise, Strength loss, Sleep loss, Sickness. It works.

I was near crying a bit yesterday because my boss is such a friggen annoyance. He sets me into fight or flight and since I refuse to run away or punch him I want to crawl into a hole and cry after the fact.

I smile like a little troll...please don't fire me. Inside I want to stand on my chair and do a flying round house kick into his junk. jk not really jk.

I have a serious problem with authority. Coming from a 20 year military man, that is pretty sad.

But, when the wave of frustration cleared, I calmly talked to my wife about it. She proceeded to tell me to stop complaining because of blah blah blah.

I work hard these days to truly listen to other peoples answers to issues or processes. Whether or not they are correct, I try to just accept it and move forward like I am the man.

After a while, I start to feel like the man. Fake it till I make it.

But, I would not hesitate to see a couseler if I thought I could do it without anybody really knowing it.

I figure enough people on SR see counselors, that any feedback I get is almost as good. In my line of work, seeing a counselor could end my good life as I know it.

So I come here almost everyday. This place save my life.

Ill take it.

Thanks.

tursiops999

Jeff, you are so not a failure. Although I don't know you well, I saw here on SR how you courageously climbed out from a very difficult place when you arrived. People gave you a lot of feedback that you could have rejected, but you kept listening, kept posting, kept being willing to examine some old beliefs and habits, and you got sober. Then you turned around and started helping others. It has meant a lot, probably more than you can know.

Counseling is a good place to start -- you deserve happiness.

Dee74

I found counselling to be incredibly useful for me at various stages of my life.

The idea that some think that makes men like me weak or that seeing someone like that is embarrassing or shameful really leaves me sad.

Its like I see a doctor when I'm physically ill or I need help with a chronic health problem - why not when I'm dealing with a chronic mental problem too?

D

Delilah1

Hi Jeff,

Sorry you've had such a difficult day. Counseling definitely sounds like it would be helpful for you. Sending lots of love and strength your way.

thomas11

Whew, yesterday was rough. I learned a couple things though. I learned that I am actually feeling genuine emotion, they are not buried by alcohol. I guess that is good. I also learned that seeing a professional is what I need to do. I have some issues, no doubt.

ps. Thanks to all who contributed to this thread, you all helped me through the day.

2ndhandrose

Hi Jeff

I just hopped on SR and here you are!

I am so glad you are feeling better today, I know I have had plenty of days where I feel like I am crushed under the weight of my emotions.

I saw a counsellor for the first 2 years after quitting drinking and one of the biggest things that I learned was that allowing my painful feelings and memories to surface wouldn't kill me. I could sit with them, experience them and let them go. And everything passes.

Just a little early morning babble, lol!