Amnesiac

So I've been through a lot this past few years and I will try to be concise in my summary.


I've had some periods of sobriety ("dry" sobriety, we will say) and I have had some loss in the last few years during that time.


Most notably when my father and I found my mother hanging after her suicide. I had 8 months at that time and got through the funeral and whatnot.


I relapsed and lost a job twice after her death, then lost a girlfriend during that time (breakup) and lost my father this past Spring.


I was going on 18 months of sobriety when I lost my father (my best friend, roommate, mentor...) and I have had several slips, I guess you would call them since he has passed.


Last Saturday I drank a liter worth of hard liquor.


Anyways, I have two siblings and only one of them lives near me (with her husband) and we have a very small surrounding family.


Now they want to do things with me during the holidays and it's ALWAYS a trigger for me. That is partly why I drank this past T-Giving weekend.


So now they want/expect me to show up to some things coming up here.


What should I do? I am almost certain it will trigger me again if I commit; I have social anxiety issues that I'm still trying to figure out and I have just started a new medication (Fluoxetine). I don't know if it's Avoidant Personality Disorder or Anthropophobia or what it is but it's related to social anxiety.


I'm really kind of damned if I do or damned if I don't. There are other layers to this for sure (my job and issues I'm having there) so I will will write any pertinent information if it pops into my mind. Thanks for reading.

I'm looking for advice.

newhope01

Remember you don't have to do anything you don't want to do. If you firmly believe you will relapse by attending holiday functions with the family, tell them that and kindly decline.

Most people will understand and support your decision.

I also suggest , even if you aren't much a member, to hit up some AA meetings around this time. They are just people like you who understand what its like trying to stay sober around this time of year. Most of these folks also understand what its like to have to go through the holidays without family or are coping with loss.

Anna

I am so very sorry for the losses of your mother and father.

I think you should do what is right for you, and that's to stay away. You don't need to risk your sobriety in order to keep family members happy. That's not your job. You need to take care of yourself.

comtnman740

I am so sorry for your losses Amnesiac. I think if it is a trigger that i would stay away. Be honest with your family that you're trying to get sober. Maybe you can find something to do with them that won't include alcohol?
Garrison

doggonecarl

I don't know what the state of your mental health is, but you say you drank a liter of alcohol last Saturday? That's alcoholism. There is a solution, just as there is a solution for your supposed disorder that doesn't require drinking.

Amnesiac

I was just trying to decipher when a "slip" becomes a literal relapse.


I've relapsed before in the past - lost the same job twice within a year due to drinking - wound up in detox and/or rehab.


This last few times I drank I was back at work though I felt like a dodged a bullet. I've been miserable this week and so much so I could have called in Monday but I got right back at it.


You will not hear me/see me say I am not an alcoholic. And I know I'm playing with fire WHENEVER I think I can put a drop down my gullet. I was just asking when some here think a "slip" morphs into a full-blown relapse. That was all. (in addition to the advice I was seeking.)

doggonecarl

I don't like to put my drinking and drugging on a sliding scale, where a "slip" is at the low end, and "full-blown relapse" is at the other. If I drink...anything, then I am still in the grip of my addiction. And that calls for increased effort on my part to make recovery my number one priority.

Spider

Incomprehensible things you have seen and are dealing with, but the calm with which you communicate these things is admirable and inspiring. I was in rehab with a couple of people who were straight victims, and it's a crappy hand for an alcoholic to be dealt. I wish you strength

I agree with those who advise to stay away if that is what you need.