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Old 11-27-2018, 05:11 PM   #1 (permalink)
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3 months sober today and my Grandmothers funeral

Well, I'm three months sober today, but it's hard to think about it. My grandmother passed away very suddenly last Thursday, and her funeral is back home in Ireland today. But I can't afford to fly home from Canada for it. In a way it was weirdly a good thing, I feel detached a little from it, but I've been able to grieve by myself without being immersed in it. Also the temptation to drink is lowered as I'm not around family and friends who are using the drink to cope.
3 months sober though. Not sure if I'm hitting a wall or the primary high of not drinking is wearing off. Though that could just be my new job and the fact that it's Xmas season, winter. Thinking about drinking isn't constant anymore, it'll just hit me at the most random times in the most random places. I can go out with my friends now and they can drink around me, I'm happy to go partying with them, and there's no real sense of needing to drink.
I think that's because I was a day drinker, drinking with friends going on nights out was fine, but where i really loved it was drinking alone in the house.
I've substituted alcohol for ****** food though, my eating habits are going through the roof, but I keep telling myself that it's just something to help me stabilise while I deal with the rockiness of being sober for three months.
My anxiety is back, and I feel tired all the time. I feel like I'm coming down from a massive sugar high. I sometimes get straight into bed when I get home from work. I think it's my body trying to settle itself.
I think the main positive is that I still have an overpowering desire and want to never drink again. It's becoming second nature now, knowing I'll never touch the stuff again. It weirdly makes me sad, I do miss it, and I am sad that I'm just one of those people who can't have alcohol.
But I've also found a great strength. I went on a few dates sober. That hasn't happened in nearly seven years . And it forces you to be yourself, and not make excuses about your behaviour. I'm allowed to have a bad day and be tired or not want to hang around me people. It's made me a better person for saying no. Before i wouldn't do something because it meant i could stay home and drink. But now, I have a choice. And a choice is such a powerful thing and I'm thankful everyday that this is my life.
I watch videos of other alcoholics and how they get through and it makes me so hopeful for the future!
Hope everyone has a lovely Tuesday evening!
"The insides of our own minds are the scariest things there are."

- Robin McKinley
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Old 11-27-2018, 05:31 PM   #2 (permalink)
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I'm very sorry for the loss of your Grandmother. And, I think it's lovely that you can grieve on your own and pay your respects to your Grandmother in a way that you choose.

It sounds like you're doing well, and that you're aware that cravings can appear out of the blue.
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

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Old 11-27-2018, 05:50 PM   #3 (permalink)
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I'm sorry for your loss but well done on your sober time birwin

I find that not eating right can really tire me out and leave me without energy - it might be something to consider for the future now you have not drinking down?

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Old 11-27-2018, 06:09 PM   #4 (permalink)
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I'm very sorry for the sudden loss of your Grandmother.

My body was still healing at three months. Lots of changes both mentally and physically. Sounds like you're adjusting, Birwin.

Great job on three months!
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Old 11-27-2018, 06:50 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Very sorry for your loss.
There is such positivity in this post. I can identify with so much. You're doing mighty well. Congratulations.
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Old 11-27-2018, 06:57 PM   #6 (permalink)
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I am sorry for the loss of your grandmother.

Three months sober is wonderful. Keep going, it gets better.
I'd rather live in my car with my dogs than live in a castle without them.

Dogs may not be our whole lives, but they make our lives whole.

Don't wait for the Last Judgement. It takes place every day. -Albert Camus

Find the good and praise it. - Alex Haley

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Old 11-27-2018, 09:59 PM   #7 (permalink)
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birwin, I'm so sorry for your loss.

You are doing great ... I love what you said about the power of choice, and your gratitude for that power. That power will see you through, absolutely. You've made a really good choice, and it will get easier with time.

My food and tiredness were kind of crazy the first few months, and then it settled down into a healthier routine. Please be gentle with yourself as your body adjusts ... you will feel better.

Don't be too surprised if sometime you experience a thought about wanting to drink, at some point in the future. It doesn't mean you've made the wrong decision, it's just that addiction will kind of "speak up for itself". But we don't have to listen!

Take care.
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Old 11-27-2018, 10:03 PM   #8 (permalink)
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I am so sorry for your loss.
Thank you for posting, a lot of what you said, I could have typed myself. I love what you wrote about having a choice now, I had never thought of it like that. But itís true, most of my choices if not all were purely alcohol based, it is so nice to say no, because I want to say no, not because I want to drink alone.
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Old 12-01-2018, 01:27 PM   #9 (permalink)

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Sorry for your loss. As to whether drink will help well ask yourself a question. If your grandmother knew you had been sober for three months, how would she feel knowing you gave up sobriety because she had passed on?

I had the same situation when my mother died 11 months after I had become sober, and it was a strong comfort to think I was staying sober for her. She was so proud of me for becoming sober I couldn't let her down and I'm still sober today. I hope this helps.
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Old 12-01-2018, 03:29 PM   #10 (permalink)
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how are you doing birwin?

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come down , three months sober , tired , willpower

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