Wastinglife

I have been posting frequently the past week over the death of my mother. I have been somewhat estranged. Not my choice but she was also a drinker. I got blackout drunk 7 years ago and yelled at her about being an alcoholic. I went to rehab and have lived 2 hours away since. No christmas/holidays/birthdays etc. Been alone the whole time and have struggled to stay sober. I thought my mom hated me. I just couldn't rebuild life with these issues. Total isolation and uable to get a steady job because of my past.

I think maybe now that she is gone, I can get sober. I don't have to constantly have this hanging over me. Wow. I have never felt this depressed in my life.

fini

Wasting life,
if you feel this gets you on better ground, i am glad for you.
if you find the issues and your past are all still present, i would frankly not be surprised. some things i found changed after my parents died, but i still had/have me to deal with, and my issues are just that, mine.

Ghostlight1

I don't want to get too personal about this, but it was the same way with me and my father.
After he died, I actually felt relief. I still feel it today.
I was, and am, sober during his life but he was never a father to me.
I understand, somewhat, what you are going through.

DontRemember

For me, closure has always come from me and the work I put towards it. Be it working through 'things' on my own or with help from friends and/or therapy. I've never found closure from the 'direct source' of my current pain.

Edit: I understand you're really hurting right now and it'll hurt for a while. When someone very close to me passed several months ago, I was a damn mess for months!! I'm shocked I made it through without a drink..Holding on to and blaming people/places/things never got me anywhere...fast! This is the time to make yourself proud for you. It's your life,man.