Cravings and anxiety, argh!
 

Hi all, I haven't posted in a while (although I lurk all the time, and the indirect support is invaluable and I'm so grateful)... but right now I need to vent with a supportive and understanding group.

I've been doing well but then today WHAM cravings and AV driving me crazy. I've been really anxious (work stuff plus propensity for anxiety and depression) and used to use alcohol to self medicate (with subsequent anxiety feedback loop and downward spiral).

I'm not going to drink. I just need to centre myself and focus on the now, stop the self-critical chatter in my brain that's obsessing over the past and the future. It's cold wet and dark so a walk outside won't help... But i have fessed up to my husband that I'm struggling and he and I will do some exercise together in the gym tonight. I'll do some mindfulness too. Oh and I downloaded a new app which has good sobriety messages, I'll go do that now (sober tool) .

That's it really. I just feel quite tearful and mad at myself and wanted to engage. Putting it down in black and white and working through my options has helped. Thanks everyone.
-Sophie

I'm glad that you're getting through this and staying focused. You might find that playing some of your favorite music might help. :)

I'm glad you reached out, Sophie. I suffer from the same syndrome - I think I'm rolling along fine and then cravings slam me out of the blue. I also suffer from anxiety and depression, as well as having PTSD issues. I've found talking helps. When I can't do that, I've found that doing something, anything, helps tremendously. I exercise. I clean. I alphabetize my embarrassingly large DVD collection. Something I can concentrate on and lose myself into for a bit, or at least something that can occupy my mind, has the effect for me of quieting the AV. In time, it tends to stay quieter. Just reading through all the various sections of this forum and the whole website has helped me tremendously at times. Keep up the good work, and good luck!

Sounds like you know what you're doing. I semi relate to "the self-critical chatter in my brain that's obsessing over the past and the future. " I've done the self-critical stuff, but biggest problem would sometimes come with a racing brain when there were so many things going on in different directions that I was overwhelmed to the point where I felt like insanity would be just around the corner. One day maybe 20 years ago, I just shut it off. I'm not sure how. I just said, I'm not going to put up with this anymore, and it stopped almost immediately. I've never had one of those episodes again. If I had to guess, and this is only a wild guess kind of grasping at straws, it may have been something I would do to pointlessly punish myself in some subconscious way, for something that may not even be real.

Self criticism can be helpful, except when it's not. It might be better to think about what you do right than what you do wrong. Of course, there's always a happy medium between ignoring your inner self and focusing too much on it. But if you're not getting anywhere with the self-criticism, I'd let it go, if that's possible. I think it is, although I wouldn't have said that 20 years ago.

I appreciate these responses so much--great advice and I'll respond in full tomorrow. For now, I got through the evening, I'm thankful to be sober, and I'm going to bed! I'll probably have 'drinking dreams' now, ha! More tomorrow and thanks again, Sophie