Alcoholic sister's life spinning out of control
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Alcoholic sister's life spinning out of control
I will be four years sober next month. I know from experience that spouses cannot demand that you get sober, the motivation has to come from within.
Well, my sister got the ultimatum from her husband. She suffers from anxiety and ADD and uses a cocktail of prescription drugs and alcohol to cope. She is too mentally disabled to work and spends most of her time in bed.
I spent an hour on the phone with her this afternoon listening to her tale of woe. When I suggested that the alcohol was worsening her anxiety problem, she got very defensive. Right now she is trying to "manage" her alcohol intake just enough to keep the husband from leaving.
Sigh, any advice about how to support, but not enable her? She has a history of moving from one enabling man to the next. But at her age (in her 60s) I don't think that trick is going to work for her anymore.
Well, my sister got the ultimatum from her husband. She suffers from anxiety and ADD and uses a cocktail of prescription drugs and alcohol to cope. She is too mentally disabled to work and spends most of her time in bed.
I spent an hour on the phone with her this afternoon listening to her tale of woe. When I suggested that the alcohol was worsening her anxiety problem, she got very defensive. Right now she is trying to "manage" her alcohol intake just enough to keep the husband from leaving.
Sigh, any advice about how to support, but not enable her? She has a history of moving from one enabling man to the next. But at her age (in her 60s) I don't think that trick is going to work for her anymore.
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Ground,
She is in a pretty deep hole that could just collapse in on her.
You know how hard it is to quit initially. Your sis has committed that ultimate sin of mixing booze and anti d's. The half life of some of those meds is months. Folks can't even quit those cold turkey or risk going into shock etc.
Your sis is probably going to have to lose everything, get clean via some recovery center and then work to stay clean. But, she hasn't even taken step 1 of admitting she is lost.
You can't save her. At this point she has to save herself.
Thanks.
She is in a pretty deep hole that could just collapse in on her.
You know how hard it is to quit initially. Your sis has committed that ultimate sin of mixing booze and anti d's. The half life of some of those meds is months. Folks can't even quit those cold turkey or risk going into shock etc.
Your sis is probably going to have to lose everything, get clean via some recovery center and then work to stay clean. But, she hasn't even taken step 1 of admitting she is lost.
You can't save her. At this point she has to save herself.
Thanks.
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Congrats on your 4 years sober Groundhog, that's a fantastic achievement. As others have said, there's probably not much - if anything you can do at this point. She likely needs to lose it all in order to want to quit unfortunately. As much as you want to help, you probably have to cut her off too unless she's truly willing to quit. Her drinking is very likely the cause of her other mental problems as well, so that's mostly just an excuse too.
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Intervention?
I might take a hit for suggesting this but I recently read a really good post on SR about someone whose family did an intervention. It’s at least worth a conversation to see if it is an option in her situation. She may need detox so a doctor should be consulted too.
But I agree, one has to see the problem and want to fix it.
-Otter
But I agree, one has to see the problem and want to fix it.
-Otter
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Originally Posted by ScottFromWI 
Her drinking is very likely the cause of her other mental problems as well, so that's mostly just an excuse too.
No, her mental problems do precede the drinking. I don't know why her doctors don't insist that she stop drinking before they prescribe her pills. Perhaps she minimizes the drinking problem when she talks to them. The latest plan is yet another psych evaluation and talk therapy. I really don't see how that will help when she is literally pouring more anxiety down her throat.
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Originally Posted by OtterIsland
I might take a hit for suggesting this but I recently read a really good post on SR about someone whose family did an intervention. It’s at least worth a conversation to see if it is an option in her situation. She may need detox so a doctor should be consulted too.
But I agree, one has to see the problem and want to fix it.
-Otter
But I agree, one has to see the problem and want to fix it.
-Otter
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Originally Posted by GroundhogDay
Hi Scott,
No, her mental problems do precede the drinking. I don't know why her doctors don't insist that she stop drinking before they prescribe her pills. Perhaps she minimizes the drinking problem when she talks to them. The latest plan is yet another psych evaluation and talk therapy. I really don't see how that will help when she is literally pouring more anxiety down her throat.
No, her mental problems do precede the drinking. I don't know why her doctors don't insist that she stop drinking before they prescribe her pills. Perhaps she minimizes the drinking problem when she talks to them. The latest plan is yet another psych evaluation and talk therapy. I really don't see how that will help when she is literally pouring more anxiety down her throat.
Therapy could possibly help, if nothing else it might get her actually thinking about the drinking problem in a different view.
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Originally Posted by ScottFromWI
My anxiety proceeded my drinking too, so I get that for sure. But the alcohol made it far worse than it ever needed to be. So I guess I should have said her drinking is very likely making things worse.
Therapy could possibly help, if nothing else it might get her actually thinking about the drinking problem in a different view.
Therapy could possibly help, if nothing else it might get her actually thinking about the drinking problem in a different view.
But it's not just the drinking. I hate to say this, but I think all the medical attention over the years has made it worse too. She seems to use "I'm crazy" as an excuse for all her bad choices.
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Originally Posted by OtterIsland
So sorry to hear that Groundhog. Praying for you and for her, hope you both can find peace along the way.
-Otter
-Otter
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Originally Posted by GroundhogDay
I hate to say this, but I think all the medical attention over the years has made it worse too. She seems to use "I'm crazy" as an excuse for all her bad choices.
One of the things it took me a long time to learn - several years after quitting drinking actually - is that i'm not "crazy" even though I have a diagnosed mental illness. AKA - I could fix my problem. I wish/hope she can find that some day too.
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I wish I could offer some support or words of wisdom. This disease is cunning and insidious.
When my family attempted an "intervention" and thus "forced" me into rehab, I did it for them. I did it because I felt bad that I made my husband cry, I felt bad when my aunt called the police on me because I bought alcohol after refusing to go. I went because they wanted me to go.
It was an unsucessful adventure. It cost a lot of money and now my relationship with my aunt has been completely destroyed and I am wandering if I can fix the one I have with my husband. (I am harboring a lot of resentment).
I got sober because I didnt want to raise a daughter as an alcoholic. I don't want to be a dead beat mom like my parents were.
Your sister has to find her reason and unfortunately I don't think you can help her find it.
She may find a reason still and when she does you would be the best person to help her find that initial help she will need.
I wish her kindness and clarity.
When my family attempted an "intervention" and thus "forced" me into rehab, I did it for them. I did it because I felt bad that I made my husband cry, I felt bad when my aunt called the police on me because I bought alcohol after refusing to go. I went because they wanted me to go.
It was an unsucessful adventure. It cost a lot of money and now my relationship with my aunt has been completely destroyed and I am wandering if I can fix the one I have with my husband. (I am harboring a lot of resentment).
I got sober because I didnt want to raise a daughter as an alcoholic. I don't want to be a dead beat mom like my parents were.
Your sister has to find her reason and unfortunately I don't think you can help her find it.
She may find a reason still and when she does you would be the best person to help her find that initial help she will need.
I wish her kindness and clarity.
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