labgirl

I don't know where to start. I'm miserable. I just ended a 4 day binge. Why? I really hate myself. I know what I need to do.....just stop. I'm so scared. I feel like I can't accomplish anything and I'm afraid to try anything for fear of failing. I've cancelled being with the family for thanksgiving tomorrow. Can't stand the thought of being in the crowd of people/

I've been trying to type the for an hour now. I delete it and then retype it.

Just reaching a breaking point.

Thanks for reading..

OtterIsland

I can relate, but I'm in no position to provide advice EXCEPT keep reaching out. We'll both find someone or some people who understand, have lived through this and managed to get to the other side....they will guide us.....we just have to be willing to give in and follow. Something I'm learning to do as well. HUGS.

Minerva99

Labgirl, I am sorry you are feeling broken. Try to be kind to yourself.

There are many here who have stood where you stand and are living full and healthy lives. There is help and there is hope.

Have you considered an AA meeting? Supervised detox?

Keep posting.

RDBplus3

Hello labgirl,
I drank (and drugged) for 40 years, then s-t-r-u-g-g-l-e-d real hard for a long time to get free (face in the pavement struggling). I am now 5 years Clean & Sober... and I live a great life ... including on the inside where it really counts.

I hope you're younger than me, so you can get FREE, and experience this miracle life for the rest of your life. I see your location is in Georgia (US I assume, not Eastern Europe?) I know some wonderful women in the local AA program (in Athens) that are living the FREE life, after struggling real hard to get Free.
If you are interested, send me a PM, or reply in this thread, and I can help you get plugged in. No need to meet me, we respect the concept of working with the same sex for the getting-clean time.

RDBplus3 ... Happy, Joyous and FREE ... and I KNOW U can B 2.

Highercall

labgirl

Thank you Otter and Miner.

I have gone to AA in the past. I'm trying to fine one I can get to . My work is such that I can't do the supervised detox.

I want to brake this cycle.

thanks again for your replies

RDBplus3

Labgirl - if you're interested in doing Step Work while you are looking for a good meeting, I have a guide to working Step 1 below:

Step 1:
"We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable"

Do the following WORK simultaneously:

+ Click the link below and download. It contains a pdf, "Daily Prayers", and 3 Speaker Messages that focus on Step 1.

+ Listen to each of the Speaker Messages.

+ Read Step One in the book, 12 Steps and 12 Traditions. Highlight anything that stands out or seems relevant.

+ Start reading the Book, Alcoholics Anonymous. Highlight anything that stands out or seems relevant.

+ Repeat the Prayers at least once a day, and the 3rd Step Prayer at least twice a day. From my perspective, I do not think of the Prayers as 'praying to a magic genie in the sky that will magically zap me and I will be completely fixed' ... my perspective is that they introduce new concepts that awaken an important part of me that is buried under the onslaught of drinking / using, and the continual madness that is spinning in my head.

+ Say a personal prayer each morning on awakening, and each night before going to sleep - something like, "God, I'm not sure what to pray or if this even makes any sense, and I somehow don't even know if this is going to do anything, but I am willing to let you work something new in me."

+ Step 1 is where we acknowledge and determine how are lives have become unmanageable, how our drinking / using has become unmanageable, how we have been unable to fix ourselves and our current condition of life, both in outside circumstances and most importantly on the inside, and how we have not let 'others' fix us. Step 1 is where we 'wallow' in our unmanageability and the 'hopelessness' of not having been able to 'fix' ourselves. This is the IMPORTANT starting point where we move to the only next step this Program directs us to, Step 2.

Click this link, or copy and paste in web browser:
https://www.dropbox.com/sh/8lz8h66ut...cG0ZZsfka?dl=0

Step 2 will follow after Doing The Work stated for Step 1.

Note: for any Drug issues - keep in mind Alcohol is just another drug. This program was worked out initially with people whose drug problems were with alcohol. These principals and steps work the same with any drug. Just mentally replace the term Alcohol with whatever Drug, or if like me, a combination of Any / All drugs and alcohol.

RDBplus3 ... Happy, Joyous and FREE

Anna

Labgirl, I hope you can find something that resonates and works for you. I know how scary it is at the outset, but have faith that you can do this.

thomas11

Labgirl, sounds like you are feeling pretty low, I think most of us understand and have been there. Going through life feeling broken and afraid is no way to live. You can start to rebuild with sobriety. Wish you the bes.t

labgirl

Otter, Miner, RDB, Higher, Anna, Thomas thank you all for your encouraging words. I've been reading and searching for support local to me. I just cannot do another day 1. Thanks again

Dee74

I'm really glad you reached out labgirl - that can be the first step towards change.

Put all the effort you can into not drinking anymore and in finding an AA meeting to go too as soon as possible, if thats the way you want to go.

You can do this

D