Wedding
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 374
Wedding
Almost 11 months sober ..and feeling good
My brother gets married on Friday and I'm not sleeping when I do I'm having nightmares about being so drunk I can hardly stand up????
I'm not comfortable in social situations yet
I feel very vulnerable and frightened
I know I would never willingly pick up an alcoholic drink so why am I so scared?
To be honest I feel so comfortable in my own zone at home with my glass of ginger beer and my familiar surroundings..It really freaks me out going into a social gathering even when it is friends and family ....Am I over reacting or will I always feel like this??? Anyone else experience this ????
Cara
My brother gets married on Friday and I'm not sleeping when I do I'm having nightmares about being so drunk I can hardly stand up????
I'm not comfortable in social situations yet
I feel very vulnerable and frightened
I know I would never willingly pick up an alcoholic drink so why am I so scared?
To be honest I feel so comfortable in my own zone at home with my glass of ginger beer and my familiar surroundings..It really freaks me out going into a social gathering even when it is friends and family ....Am I over reacting or will I always feel like this??? Anyone else experience this ????
Cara
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,313
I don;t think you'll always feel that way - in fact I think that after you get there, you'll feel fine.
Nevertheless go in with a good plan for staying sober, and also have an escape plan - even if you never use it, its good to know its there
D
Nevertheless go in with a good plan for staying sober, and also have an escape plan - even if you never use it, its good to know its there
D
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: here, now.
Posts: 1,236
I know how you feel.
Almost a year is a good amount of time. During the past 11 months, have you been in social situations where people were drinking, or will this be the first major event?
It’s hard to navigate, but it gets better with time. Absolutely crucial to have a plan... which can be very simple. However it’s probably important to get some sleep ahead of time, if you can. I find exercise to be key. I’m actually up here in the US right now at 4 am because I couldn’t sleep, because I haven’t been exercising. Even just a good walk, if that’s something you can do, is helpful. There are medications, too, that can help. Also some find yoga and meditation to be helpful although for me, that’s less of my jam, at least for now.
It is always easier when you’re rested. Be kind to yourself. It’s a difficult time of year for many of us anyway, and you’re rolling into a big milestone, and you have a major family event. These things all have significance.
My plan is slightly different for these events, depending on their details. I have my beverages planned, that’s for sure. I have plans for what I say to people, and which people I will avoid and which people I will talk to kind of outlined in my head. I also have an exit strategy, and always have my own transportation planned.
Are you in the wedding? I’ve never been in a wedding before.
Another thing I do, when I’m anxious about events. I find that my anxiety gets focused on “the event is taking place in (x) days.... aaaaa....” and for me, refocusing that to “the event is going to be over in (x) hours/days” and then I will be back to my happy routine and I will probably even have happy memories about it, but even if I don’t, it will be the past” is really helpful for my lizard brain.
Almost a year is a good amount of time. During the past 11 months, have you been in social situations where people were drinking, or will this be the first major event?
It’s hard to navigate, but it gets better with time. Absolutely crucial to have a plan... which can be very simple. However it’s probably important to get some sleep ahead of time, if you can. I find exercise to be key. I’m actually up here in the US right now at 4 am because I couldn’t sleep, because I haven’t been exercising. Even just a good walk, if that’s something you can do, is helpful. There are medications, too, that can help. Also some find yoga and meditation to be helpful although for me, that’s less of my jam, at least for now.
It is always easier when you’re rested. Be kind to yourself. It’s a difficult time of year for many of us anyway, and you’re rolling into a big milestone, and you have a major family event. These things all have significance.
My plan is slightly different for these events, depending on their details. I have my beverages planned, that’s for sure. I have plans for what I say to people, and which people I will avoid and which people I will talk to kind of outlined in my head. I also have an exit strategy, and always have my own transportation planned.
Are you in the wedding? I’ve never been in a wedding before.
Another thing I do, when I’m anxious about events. I find that my anxiety gets focused on “the event is taking place in (x) days.... aaaaa....” and for me, refocusing that to “the event is going to be over in (x) hours/days” and then I will be back to my happy routine and I will probably even have happy memories about it, but even if I don’t, it will be the past” is really helpful for my lizard brain.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Good advice above. Honestly, I would need to evaluate whether I could handle it emotionally - hence, physically which would follow- and not go if I had any doubt that I could. I would much rather my brother have hurt feelings or such that I didn't attend, than mar his day by drunken behavior I might end up showing, as well as the remorse and awful-ness I would feel the next day.
If you go, having a pal who knows what your plan is to get out ASAP as soon as you feel squirrelly would be a must for me.
If you go, having a pal who knows what your plan is to get out ASAP as soon as you feel squirrelly would be a must for me.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,151
A wedding reception always struck me as the ultimate trigger situation. Most weddings I've attended have more strangers than friends. So there you are by yourself. Everyone else is having fun reuniting with their friends, and there's only one way left to entertain yourself.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3
I went to a wedding about a month into my recovery. Not easy and was the first test of myself. I went with my wife who was my “accountability” partner. Made sure I didn’t drink and kept busy.
If it’s your brother, you’ll know some of the guests? Who else doesn’t drink in your circle or family? Hang with them! Also, remember ultimately why you don’t drink and use as motivation to keep pushing on!
If you need to, leave! Nothing wrong with it at all! Your recovery is most important and those who know and care for you won’t judge.
If it’s your brother, you’ll know some of the guests? Who else doesn’t drink in your circle or family? Hang with them! Also, remember ultimately why you don’t drink and use as motivation to keep pushing on!
If you need to, leave! Nothing wrong with it at all! Your recovery is most important and those who know and care for you won’t judge.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,444
It will get better, I'm sure. But, it's not a bad thing that you're nervous. It's letting you know that you need to prepare mentally for the situation. Have a plan in place to leave early if you need to, or whatever it takes for you to stay sober.
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