depression, drinking, and a terrible marriage
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 2
depression, drinking, and a terrible marriage
Boy, where to start. I guess I'll dive right in... my wife is a depressed alcoholic that blames me for driving her to it after years of me being selfish, unsupportive, and uncaring (aka ***hole). I've only recently begun to accept this about myself and starting to understand the damage it has done. Until now I always thought that she is just unable to cope with "normal" life problems. She is ready to leave. We have young kids and I think this would be disastrous for them. She's a terrific mother and besides just the trauma of their mother leaving, I could not do for them what she does every day.
I want to salvage this relationship so that it's at least bearable until the kids are older. What do I do? I'm working on finding a therapist I can talk to improve myself (I resisted this for a long time) but I don't think she will see one now. She has been to AA and a couple therapists previously but nothing stuck. I was really excited to discover Naltrexone and the Sinclair Method but I'm worried that she uses alcohol to mask the terrible situation she's in and what will happen with the depression if the alcohol no longer works. Any advice, please?
I want to salvage this relationship so that it's at least bearable until the kids are older. What do I do? I'm working on finding a therapist I can talk to improve myself (I resisted this for a long time) but I don't think she will see one now. She has been to AA and a couple therapists previously but nothing stuck. I was really excited to discover Naltrexone and the Sinclair Method but I'm worried that she uses alcohol to mask the terrible situation she's in and what will happen with the depression if the alcohol no longer works. Any advice, please?
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,497
Welcome, I'm glad you posted.
Alcohol is a depressant and it's likely playing a part in your wife's depression. I hope that she decides to stop drinking and live a sober life. This will need to be a choice she makes for herself.
You might check out AlAnon in your town as a support for you. Also, we have a Friends & Families Forum on this board where you can post, if you like.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ly-alcoholics/
Alcohol is a depressant and it's likely playing a part in your wife's depression. I hope that she decides to stop drinking and live a sober life. This will need to be a choice she makes for herself.
You might check out AlAnon in your town as a support for you. Also, we have a Friends & Families Forum on this board where you can post, if you like.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ly-alcoholics/
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 271
Living with an alcoholic is like hell on earth and you are on the receiving end of abuse.
If if you love your wife and want to stay with her give her an ultimatum either to get treatment or you will stop enabling her to drink and will leave.
You need to consider your life health and happiness. Watch episodes of intervention on YouTube which will emphasise the importance of not enabling or having your life affected by the alcoholic.
If if you love your wife and want to stay with her give her an ultimatum either to get treatment or you will stop enabling her to drink and will leave.
You need to consider your life health and happiness. Watch episodes of intervention on YouTube which will emphasise the importance of not enabling or having your life affected by the alcoholic.
Your wife must want to be sober for herself. I hope you'll find support for yourself. 
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,900
Ultimatums very, very rarely work. You cannot force someone to get help if they do not want help. You cannot force someone to stop drinking. They have to want it more than anything, even your marriage. Your wife is an adult and has the right to drink if that is what she wants to do. You, on the other hand, have the right to not want to live with an active addict.
Alanon is support for you, where you will learn how to set boundaries in your life. Boundaries aren't rules for the alcoholic, they are rules you put in place for yourself. You are the only person in this situation that you can control.
Alanon is support for you, where you will learn how to set boundaries in your life. Boundaries aren't rules for the alcoholic, they are rules you put in place for yourself. You are the only person in this situation that you can control.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 2
Yeah, an ultimatum is not at all what I have in mind. She's expressed a desire to quit before but I haven't heard it lately. Mostly she just blames me. Fair enough, I regret a lot, but still, I think a lot of the depression comes from within herself from my observations. I'm getting really worried about what the depression might do to her and will try to get an appointment with a therapist ASAP. I feel like we need an emergency crutch to stabilize a little until a long term plan can start.
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Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Portland maine
Posts: 1,330
My husband was the same, as you describe your wife said you were like for many years. He could be really cruel at times. BUT I poured the booze down my own throat, didn't stick up for myself and people pleased everyone. Finally, after a near death experience, I stopped.
Now, I don't respond to his meanness and remarks. I don't drink and sobriety is my
priority. He is starting to get it and actually is trying to understand how hard addiction is.
Now, I don't respond to his meanness and remarks. I don't drink and sobriety is my
priority. He is starting to get it and actually is trying to understand how hard addiction is.
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