Day 0 aa not working
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 453
Hi Sweeti,
So sorry that you're struggling. It took me a couple of years of really, really trying before I got sober. Like others have said, taking action and coming here (or calling someone or, for me, going to a meeting) before drinking was key. Even that took some practice; sometimes I would post or call someone and then go drink anyway. But over time, I started to learn to reach out before drinking and slowly I learned to work through the massive cravings. They were often overwhelming, but reaching out really does help. Have you tried urge surfing?
The best thing is that if you come here and post something like, "I really, really want to drink right now because of XYZ triggers and I'm going crazy etc" you can learn to work through the problems and emotions--and you stay sober. If someone bugs you--put them on ignore, but don't let anyone get in your way.
I know you want to quit because you keep coming back. I know you can get sober if you're willing to make some changes.
Best wishes to you.
So sorry that you're struggling. It took me a couple of years of really, really trying before I got sober. Like others have said, taking action and coming here (or calling someone or, for me, going to a meeting) before drinking was key. Even that took some practice; sometimes I would post or call someone and then go drink anyway. But over time, I started to learn to reach out before drinking and slowly I learned to work through the massive cravings. They were often overwhelming, but reaching out really does help. Have you tried urge surfing?
The best thing is that if you come here and post something like, "I really, really want to drink right now because of XYZ triggers and I'm going crazy etc" you can learn to work through the problems and emotions--and you stay sober. If someone bugs you--put them on ignore, but don't let anyone get in your way.
I know you want to quit because you keep coming back. I know you can get sober if you're willing to make some changes.
Best wishes to you.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
Like Joe said..It took me working through my 'reasons' I wanted to drink/drank at any given moment and I had to learn to depend/lean on other like minded folks to help me realise/see that those 'reasons' were BS. Ask yourself if your continued drinking over the past/present/future is helping solve anything and the answer is NO..but I still drank simply because I drank. My drinking never controled the tempature. My drinking never brought past loves back. My continued drinking never solved/made right any of my past transgressions. My not drinking has made me accountable to myself and others. I had to own my actions and try to get/stay sober.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,802
Originally Posted by MantaLady 
You might find this tool below useful (although not sure if you will be able to see it very well on here. I used this virtually every day and many times a day in the first month of sobriety. I had a lot of distorted and dysfunctional thinking patterns when I was in active addiction and just stopping drinking didn't really tackle the issues I had with the way I had programmed myself to think.
I have done an example below of an ABC. This is where you write out something that has upset or triggered you and dispute your current thinking in an effort to look at situations in a more positive light.
(A) Write down the situation that has upset you but be factual. Don't put any emotional words just the black and white facts
(B) Core Beliefs - These are the things that you currently believe about the situation. Once you have done a few you do drill into these beliefs further to there very core but to start with it's good to practice at this level.
(C) - Consequences - This is where you list out the emotions you felt at the time and also the behaviours you exhibited because of how you felt. This section does help you start to see repetative emotions and behaviours in your general thinking and gives you some focus on what ones you need to work on overall.
(D) This is where you dispute the core belief. I found that doing this with someone else was helpful as it was hard at first to dispute my own thinking. But here you write down the facts and evidence only.
Positive actions for the future - After going through the above this is where you think of some positive things that you can do in the future or things you will work on to improve your general outlook on life.
I have taken some artistic licence with the content and it is a mix of your current situation and where my head was at and how I thought when I was still drinking. You might find it useful, you might not but this is the kind of work you need to start doing to re-programme your mind from negative thinking.
I have done an example below of an ABC. This is where you write out something that has upset or triggered you and dispute your current thinking in an effort to look at situations in a more positive light.
(A) Write down the situation that has upset you but be factual. Don't put any emotional words just the black and white facts
(B) Core Beliefs - These are the things that you currently believe about the situation. Once you have done a few you do drill into these beliefs further to there very core but to start with it's good to practice at this level.
(C) - Consequences - This is where you list out the emotions you felt at the time and also the behaviours you exhibited because of how you felt. This section does help you start to see repetative emotions and behaviours in your general thinking and gives you some focus on what ones you need to work on overall.
(D) This is where you dispute the core belief. I found that doing this with someone else was helpful as it was hard at first to dispute my own thinking. But here you write down the facts and evidence only.
Positive actions for the future - After going through the above this is where you think of some positive things that you can do in the future or things you will work on to improve your general outlook on life.
I have taken some artistic licence with the content and it is a mix of your current situation and where my head was at and how I thought when I was still drinking. You might find it useful, you might not but this is the kind of work you need to start doing to re-programme your mind from negative thinking.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 462
Originally Posted by sweetichick
I appreciate the effort you put in to your psychological analysis. Thanks it made me see things mire clearly. If I put my money under the public trustee all they will do is pay my bills and give me the leftovers. I am already doing that. I have a friend who is under it and is drunk most nights. I asked my dad and he doesn't want vthem responsibility. Great idea. I will have to be responsible to myself.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
Hey Sweetichick
I'm a pretty dependable guy essentially. I pay my bills on time and my word is my bond. But drinking made me into the opposite of that.
I dunno about you but I just got so tired of being late with bills, or always paying parts of bills, and having no money left for food.
I know what it's like on the pension. It's tough not to drink when it's the only 'enjoyment' you have in a hard life.
But there is enjoyment to have - as long as you stop drinking and stick to it. You'll find that problems seem easier to fix and that people., positive people, start to come back into your life.
Your bank balance will get a lot healthier too.
Its a leap of faith - the payoff is not immediate - but it is inevitable if you stick to not drinking.
If there's no one to turn to to hold your money, thats ok - there was noone for me either - but you can learn different way to do things, like I did....and theres 24/7 support here.
Payday no longer means a booze up for me - it can for you too
D
I'm a pretty dependable guy essentially. I pay my bills on time and my word is my bond. But drinking made me into the opposite of that.
I dunno about you but I just got so tired of being late with bills, or always paying parts of bills, and having no money left for food.
I know what it's like on the pension. It's tough not to drink when it's the only 'enjoyment' you have in a hard life.
But there is enjoyment to have - as long as you stop drinking and stick to it. You'll find that problems seem easier to fix and that people., positive people, start to come back into your life.
Your bank balance will get a lot healthier too.
Its a leap of faith - the payoff is not immediate - but it is inevitable if you stick to not drinking.
If there's no one to turn to to hold your money, thats ok - there was noone for me either - but you can learn different way to do things, like I did....and theres 24/7 support here.
Payday no longer means a booze up for me - it can for you too
D
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
I hope you are doing well sweeti. I though of an idea that might work for you while using PayPal last night. You can sign up for a PayPal account, it is free. You connect it to your bank account. When your money arrives, you can pay yourself, transferring your money into PayPal. Then, when you want, transfer it back into your bank account. Transfers to and from bank accounts are free of charge, so you don't lose anything. But the transfer into a bank account takes 1-2 business days. So there will be a little lag before you can get to the money. This might help you get through a rough day.
It wouldn't be handing your money over to anyone else, or involving anyone in your personal finances.
It wouldn't be too extreme, you only have to wait a day or two for the money to clear.
It would put an extra protection in place where you couldn't, in a moment of weakness and craving, get money immediately and go out and buy.
It would also give you the advantage of being able to order things online, generally finding cheaper prices. I don't have a credit card so I have not been able to order things online in the past. But now, using PayPal, there are many sites I can order from and find cheaper prices on things I need or would like to buy. It is quite convenient and secure.
It wouldn't be handing your money over to anyone else, or involving anyone in your personal finances.
It wouldn't be too extreme, you only have to wait a day or two for the money to clear.
It would put an extra protection in place where you couldn't, in a moment of weakness and craving, get money immediately and go out and buy.
It would also give you the advantage of being able to order things online, generally finding cheaper prices. I don't have a credit card so I have not been able to order things online in the past. But now, using PayPal, there are many sites I can order from and find cheaper prices on things I need or would like to buy. It is quite convenient and secure.
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