My off topic topic
 

I went to the clinic today. Began the medical termination process. Hard to articulate how I feel.
Recently its just all been a lot. Having to move, becoming increasingly dissatisfied at work (you would not believe how my boss speaks to me, its unreal) giving up the dog for the new place...and this unexpected pregnancy.
I still havent felt like drinking which blows my mind.
16 months ago this would have been a chaotic catastrophe that I would have binged over non stop, praying to just die already for being pissed upon waking up. Life is good today for all intents.
I'm almost in shock. I cant even entirely believe it isnt even on my mind. Like who is this girl? I dont know...this week has not been easy but I did it and I did it pretty well. As well as can be expected. Almost waiting for the other shoe to drop. Not healthy? Normal? I dont know.
I thank you for listening.
Jules

You absolutely should be proud. You are cementing new, strong habits in the face of adversity. Try not to worry about "the other shoe about to drop", that is the voice of your old habit. One day at a time.

I think that's what its all about....learning to cope with what life gives us. All of us. You should feel very good about that!

I wish you strength and courage.

You're doing the hard things. You know now that you can do hard things.

I'm sending you hugs as you go through the medical termination process.

Good for you, Jules! You made a very difficult decision and you have a lot going on but you will get through this. Sobriety is the best gift you can give yourself!

I send hugs and warmth, too. You have done well.

Thank you. After much pizza and a steamy hot shower...it is time for bed.
Tomorrow is the true test I suppose.
At least I'm putting a sober mind on a pillow.
Jules

Support to you Jules.

(((Jules)))

D

I think the worst of it is over. All I thought was how I wanted my mother. I am not troubling this eoman I have tormented with worry with my crap anymore. I focused on the fact that she is still around and that she loves me.
I have really realized this last week that I am still terrified of a drink. FFFF that stuff. I dont even remember my last load. But I want no parts. I feel strong. Not giving this up ever again.
I also feel profoundly sad bc I have a naby I would give absolutely anything to be with. Im not sure what this juxtaposition is to mean. Im sure it'll be revealed? Maybe not. I don't know...intense thinky/feely time. Not gonna lie ive been ocerly comforting with food. I can do anything in addict fashion. Work. Shop. Scratch offs. Love. Sex. I handily can be a chameleon in and out of all of thisr. I do that daily!! Lol. I'm a mess. But I am better than ok .
I love you guys Thank you all for the support.
Particularly Anna saying we do hard things.
We do. We can and we do.
Good stuff.
Jules

You're good stuff, Jules. :)

As are you Gilmer...I think that might be my most favorite compliment ever!
Ironically the Ex said to me (I wrote it down, 8/23, bc I am an idiot who buys this kinda crap) that "the only good thing to happen today is you"
I was needing a replacement! Right.on.time.
Love it, thank you!!
Jules

LOL! I'm honored! :)