Day 4(dy oz.)
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 55
Not doing too good. Thanks for asking. Everyday is a new day, a fresh start and everyday I fall into the same traps. I have that feeling of, like a child doing something wrong, I’m not mad but I’m disappointed.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Originally Posted by UhOh 
Not doing too good. Thanks for asking. Everyday is a new day, a fresh start and everyday I fall into the same traps. I have that feeling of, like a child doing something wrong, I’m not mad but I’m disappointed.
I first came to the same realization when I was trying to lose weight - a lot of weight.
I had gotten into the bad habit of allowing myself to eat whatever I wanted all the time. It was exceedingly difficult to change that.
One day I realized I hadn't said, "No," to myself about much of anything - ever. That had to change with every meal I had going forward if I wanted to be a healthy weight.
The same applies with alcohol. I have to say, "No," every time it comes into my head. Luckily with time that doesn't happen often but in the beginning it was multiple times per day.
Keep saying no. It's the only way.
Now I do what's good for me instead of what my eight year old self would like.
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 55
Even though I’m still caught up in the addiction, I haven’t quit quitting. If that makes any sense? I have hope for myself. I just need to get there. I’ve done it before and I can do it again. I just need to make it last. It’s a horrible admission, but I head to the LCBO on my lunch most days. I’ve decided to make a list of other things to do on lunch each day. I’m borderline OCD, so when I set out to do something, it gets done. This is my new and hopefully successful plan.
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Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Right here, right now
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Hi UhOh, good to see you back here and I hope you will keep posting here as part of your support plan. I like your idea about a list of alternatives instead of the usual. I have borderline OCD too, and when I start a new routine, that OCD can help reinforce it. Maybe that can work for you too! OCD is not all bad! Keep going. You can do this. Just don’t give up!
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
The OCD/obsessive thinking and intrusive thoughts are healed for me in sobriety.
Turns out I caused them by applying alcohol. It's nice and peaceful and quiet in my head now.
Hang on to continuous sober time and I think you'll find the same, UhOh. It does take time - for me it was nearly a year, but it was worth it.
Turns out I caused them by applying alcohol. It's nice and peaceful and quiet in my head now.
Hang on to continuous sober time and I think you'll find the same, UhOh. It does take time - for me it was nearly a year, but it was worth it.
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Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,159
Originally Posted by UhOh
I honestly am not too sure what triggers me. Sometimes, I think I know and I try to change or work around that. But at some point I always give in, maybe for a different reason. There’s always a stupid excuse to tell myself. I’ve done days, weeks, months, even years sober, here and there. I have no idea why I can’t stop it this time. I’m just stuck in that loop and can’t get out. I try over and over again and still fall down. I’ve made plans,went to meetings, everything. I’m just stuck in a rut.
I don't know what to say about falling off the wagon after a year, but giving in after a period of "success" is not something that spells actual success, at least not to me. Whether you make it one year or 5, and you start drinking again, you're still a drunk, and it only takes one drink for me to throw it all away.
I tried having only one drink a few times. It didn't work, coming off a one drink buzz, made me irritable. The easy solution to the irritability could be cured by another drink and relaxed me, but I got a little more drunk which would lead to more irritability as I started to come down, and the only way I could avoid that was to drink until I went to sleep. Upon awakening the irritability was simply replaced by another crappy hang over.
I can't relate to intermittent binge drinking followed by a couple weeks or months of sobriety. It was all or nothing for me. Getting through a craving is a success that builds each time it happens. Giving into a craving was always a failure.
I wish you success and another and another. As your alcoholism progresses, which I understand is the nature of the beast, it will just keep getting worse. So I've been told, the progressive nature of alcoholism means that after 20 years of sobriety, a return brings you back to where you left off, not to when you first started. I was told that by a guy once. I don't know if he knew what he was talking about or not, but it's too scary for me to try and find out. Especially when I'm so happy with sobriety now.
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