Charli23

Guener

Personally I would avoid the event altogether. If you feel the need to explain, just say, in advance if you want, that you have made another, unbreakable commitment. You don't need the added stress now or then.

Awal

Dont let peer pressure ruin your good work so far! Its one night that could affect many more nights! If you dont want them to know the real reason maybe you could say your on medication that clashes badly with alcohol? Can you enjoy the party without having a drink?

Red78

If it were me I wouldn't go at all, I'm not going to mine on Sunday. If you really wanna go then I suggest you need to make a solid plan about what you can do if the urge takes you whilst there. It really isn't worth it to drink and you know you will feel so much better the next day..

bexxed

This is when the plan kicks in.

Honestly, if it was me (and I had work events like this in early recovery) I would skip it.

What I personally did in this circumstance, on one occasion I can remember, is arrive, make an appearance early, get to the bar alone, tell the bartender I would be drinking seltzer, and walk around with it. I stayed for thirty minutes before leaving, and I did not say goodbye to everyone, just a couple key people. I did not feign illness. I confidently stated that I was tired and needed to have a family related phone call. I used this excuse because I was at a retreat, and couldn’t cite any other issue.

Since then I have left events like these after making my appearance, without any excuse. I’ve confidently said “well, it was so great to see everyone, I’m headed out now, goodnight!” When people said what they say (what? Why?) I’ve literally not answered the question. I will respond “I know! I’m such a fogey sometimes! See you Tuesday!”

People don’t care about your excuses. Also I learned this from communications work. You aren’t obligated to answer a question, as long as you say something. You’re not on the stand, you’re at a party. No one really cares why you’re leaving and if they do, they will likely forget that they care in under ten seconds as long as you are pleasant and they feel comfortable that they haven’t done anything upsetting, and as long as you appear happy about it.

The best course this soon into sobriety is to avoid the situation, which this time of year is easy because as long as it’s not a work travel event (as was the case with my first example) you can cite a family party or something and skip the thing altogether. If that is impossible you need a solid plan to get in and out with no minute unplanned.

Because you are almost literally talking here about walking into a pit of poisonous snakes. I’m serious. If your sobriety equals your life, that’s what this is. Don’t be like so many (myself in this group) who make their plan and white knuckle it through, and come back here talking about how fun it was. Because when you do that, THAT is the alcoholic voice or AV. We don’t have wonderful meaningful experiences at alcohol functions, we just don’t. We put up with them. And when we are a month or so into sobriety and fool ourselves that it was easy, or fun, or empowering, we are willfully ignoring the fact that we just spent an evening that was lighthearted for everyone there but us. To thine own self be true.

bexxed

MantaLady

Have to say if it was me I would rain check on the event, it's just not worth it so early on and there is no need to put yourself through that kind of stress and danger. I heard a great saying the other day "Don't set yourself of fire to keep others warm". Just say you have other plans that night and leave it at that, no big stories or excuses and plan a treat night at home for yourself. Get a great movie, order your favorite take out, have a pamper evening, facepack, hair mask, clean bed sheets and a good nights sleep. Really treat the evening like a special "It's all about me" evening and show yourself a lot of love and care. When you get to work in the morning feeling absolutely fantastic after all that pampering and sleep, feeling clear headed and calm and you see your workmates looking like crap, feeling ill, feeling embarrased as they drank too much and are full of regret I can guarantee you you will not wish you had been there so you could feel just like them.

Psychologically having that special pamper night when they are drinking and then listening to everyone moaning about feeling ill gives a strong message to your mind that you would rather wake up being sober you than waking up being hung over everyone else.

Best of luck with whatever you decide but I think you know already what the answer is xx

Charli23

biminiblue

Good for you.

I don't go to drinking events, either. Whoever came up with work drinking events was obviously not thinking clearly. What could possibly go wrong?

entropy1964

Good for you for not going. When I find myself waayyyy over complicating not drinking I know I'm not thinking clearly.

When in doubt, sit it out.

thomas11

Wise choice. I would have skipped it as well.

Anna

I'm really glad you decided to not go. You have 3 1/2 weeks and it's not worth the risk of losing it just to go to a party.

Dee74

I think that's a great decision Charli

D

Charli23

DriGuy

Early in sobriety, I passed on those things. I knew it would be like walking through a mine field. I'm happy I avoided those situations. Today, I'm confident I could manage it fine. Early on, there are certain sacrifices that seem necessary. If you're worried about it, you might be sensing the lack of confidence necessary to pull it off. That's a red flag.

OceanGuy

Like others have said, skip it.