seekinga

I have been on here on and off for years, during which I have spent more time sober than drinking. Today is day 24 after yet anothere relapse. Was feeling OK for the first couple of weeks but a couple of days ago I started thinking of planning a relapse. Ridiculous I know. I am on Antabuse so a relapse does require planning. My fiance is going away for 4 nights on December 12th so that kicked off my endless thoughts of drinking while he is away. We have 2 kids and I should be planning things to do with them while he gone! So I rang my mum and told her my head won't shut up so she booked flights to come for the weekend. Love her and there is no way I would drink when she is here. However she doesn't arrive until he has been gone 2 days so my stupid head thinks well that's still 2 drinking nights. WTF why can't I just forget it.

Dee74

Hi seekinga

The more we drink the more we change and the more we make drinking our default, and the lower we can go.

The good news is you can fight that

Don't be the selfish drunk.

Be the mom you want to be - have a great 2 days with your kids. Use SR for support - maybe join the November support thread?

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...rt-1-a-13.html

D

entropy1964

I remember planning relapses. I'm a bender drinker. So I can be sober for months pretty easily...after detox that is. Because when I do drink it's pedal to the medal and the only thing that stops me is pending death. Pretty scary stuff.

I know I planned these relapses because I allowed myself to dance with my addiction. I chose to listen, to entertain. I chose to romanticize as opposed to reason through all the realities of why a relapse would be a horrible choice. When I play the tape through and get very real about what alcohol truly does, a relapse is no longer an option.

You are sober. Stop. Planning. You have kids. You will hurt them if you are an alcoholic. Trust me. Go to AA, Smart.

Don't drink, no matter what. Don't change your mind.

Spider

This is an apt description of me. For me, it's not as much romanticizing (although I do), it's more relief...and it never seems to end. I read here, and close to everyone writes it goes away... for many in the first few months.

Fearlessat50

How are you doing this morning? That was a good idea to call your mom. Sorry she can’t be there sooner. Remember though, no one else can save you. You can only save yourself.

Coming here regularly is a good idea for support. Read the posts. Learn from others experiences and let the success stories of long term sobriety inspire you.

If you keep giving in to the urge to drink, you will just reinforce that cycle of relapse and it will get harder to overcome. Not giving in to an urge to drink never killed anyone. It will just make you stronger with subsequent urges. Giving in, however, could possibly kill an alcoholic. Maybe not immediately. But eventually.

What helped me in the past was to change my thinking and behavior responses to urges and triggers, and then make the changes a habit. Every time I had an urge, I imagined my last horrifying drinking episode and the months of paying for it that followed. I remembered previous close calls where I could have died. I made a list of what I was grateful for and reviewed an ongoing list of positive affirmations. If I was in a bad mental place, I reminded myself this will all pass. I often put in my ear buds and listen to a meditation on recovery.

If you wait it out, the urge will pass.

Stay strong!

Anna

You can have two amazing days with your children before your mother arrives. And, I'm glad that you reached out to her and that she is supportive. Keep focusing on the mother and the person you want to be.

Dee74

Hows it going seekinga?

D