Wastinglife

My drinking is getting me in so much trouble. I don't remember exactly what I did, but I was in a delusion all day thinking I was a messia of a new religion. Walked around the city and think I am being followed etc.

I am paranoid and anxious now. I hate my life so much. I just can't stop drinking because the booze makes that feeling go away but after too many, I go nuts.

I am so scared for myself...

Hope1989

Hey, I'm sorry you're going through this.

I am a binge drinker. I was right where you are three and a little bit more weeks ago. Also, I assumed this is not your first binge.

So facts:

1. You know this will pass.
2. Most likely, no one is following you. The anxiety and paranoia are normal for people that react to alcohol as we do.

Try to remain calm, and you know time cures it. Try to address how can you stop from drinking.

Best

Jules714

Aww, I'm sorry. This is scary, I remember. Have you thought about checking into a hospital for medically supervised withdrawl? You need help with this!
The anxiety will be lessened by meds and you should really be monitored. Seizure from withdrawal can be dangerous, deadly even and it's not a risk you should take at home. I really hope you will pack a bag and call an ambulance and go. I went, alone, many times (3 times in 6 weeks) @ the end of my drinking. I was seeing things and hearing things and I was in a brown out (I packed a bag, walked down.the steps into the ambulance I called and it turns out my BAC was .38) Super dangerous. Bring your phone and charger and paper and when you are up to it perhaps you can.plan for after care, rehab a solid plan. You dont ever have to feel like this again.
Pulling for you!! You can totally do this. Its work but this insanity can stop hon.
Be well.
Jules

wildflower70

Hi Wastinglife,

I remember posting on a thread of yours this spring, and you were working toward sobriety. I have gone through some very delusional thoughts while on a binge, and thought I was loosing my mind.

There is only one way out...to stop drinking. I know you've heard that, tried that, and like me, maybe had a hard time making it stick? You must find a way to push past the cravings, they do subside.

Make this day 1 again, we are here for you and YOU can do it!!

ScottFromWI

I’d also recommend seeking some professional help, perhaps in the form of inpatient detox/rehab Wastinglife. Unfortunately none of this should be a surprise to you, when we drink bad things happen...that’s just the way it is.

Calmerwaters

Hey WL, I see you've been around for a while. I think there's a point we reach where we can't buy into the crazy any more.

Are you taking this seriously? I know you are going to say yes. But, I wrote somewhere else here today, that until I valued my sobriety more than alcohol, the scales were always weighted towards me choosing alcohol. Relapsing time after time unfortunately says we are disregarding the gifts that sobriety brings to us.

Your hallucinations remind me of a very scary bender I had, I had visions I was possessed by the devil anyway, so I may as well give in and keep drinking. It took 3 more relapses before I finally got it. I don't have to live that crap at all. Alcohol has nothing to offer me, no matter what the sales spiel says. That fun is over.

Please go get professional help.

August252015

Thinking of you WL - and sincerely hoping you will take the scary risk, as I am sure it seems now, of the good advice above.

Guener

At this stage, WL, your choices may soon be taken away from you. When you report that you are having delusions and suffering from paranoia, it's probably only a matter of time before something worse happens, and your volition will be taken from you to get you the help that you need. The question is, will you take a step to get that help yourself, and therefore be in some control and feel better for it in the future, or will you not.

Spider

Yes, at the point you are at in my experience I can no longer trust my own actions. It is an entirely alternate recognition of stimuli. I hope you can find a refuge emotionally, intellectually, and physically.

Hevyn

I fear for your safety too, WL. You're putting yourself in danger every time you pick up. It won't get better. Please take the excellent advice offered and seek help. We care about you. Keep posting & being part of us. You're never alone.

Dee74

WL

I remember that feeling.
I hope you feel a little better now - some good advice here.

D

D122y

Wl,

You sound like you have some serious brain damage.

I had some serious issues, but I was never hallucinating. My issue was moderate anxiety and agoraphobia. The anxiety ramps up, but the agoraphobia has quelled thanks to sr.

Your situation sounds very serious.

On an sr scale, up in the 7 to 8 range. You haven't been arrested or passed out requiring hospitalization at least.

Your ace in the hole is you want to quit and you keep coming back.

Your post helped folks today. I am sure someone, maybe me, was thinking about relapse. You may have saved a life with your post.

Keep posting, we want to help. We can help to keep you accountable.

Thanks.

least

Nothing will get better until you stop drinking. If you keep drinking, things will get worse. I hope you can take action to get sober for good.

Calmerwaters

I hope you stick close, WL.

Delilah1

Hi WL,

How are you doing now? I hope you followed some of the advice wbout seeking medical treatment. That's a good starting place, and they can help you come up with a plan, or provide some options for you to begin working on sobriety again. They can also help with any mental health issues you may be dealing with.

Check in and let us know how you're doing when you get a chance.

Wastinglife

I am completely mentally sound when sober besides anxiety/racing thoughts. I live alone and have little contact with anyone. The isolation is getting to me. I don't sleep and constantly worry. A few beers and that goes away. But of course, I can't stop drinking. It's the immediate pain that I want to relieve. This is such a struggle. I just don't like being alive. Not suicidal, but you know what I mean. My life is in shambles and it is hard to go it alone

biminiblue

The anxiety and racing thoughts go away with continuous long-term sobriety, WL.

I had that same problem and I'm also pretty alone in life in general - sobriety has really changed my outlook and ability to let things go instead of ruminating or allowing the thoughts to grab hold.

There is a lot of treatment for anxiety. What happened with the meds? Did they stop working? (sorry if I missed that part.)

The only way to get rid of the racing thoughts and anxiety is to learn to slow them down and I only was able to do that once my body and nervous system was healed. It took many months of sober time for me - nearly a year. I was tempted many times to go back to relieve the discomfort, but I didn't. Ride it out. Suffer through it and be rewarded. I figure it was the price I paid for messing with my brain with alcohol.

wildflower70

Hey there WL....I used to feel like that too. I live in a part of the country where I have no family and not a lot of contact with people socially (outside of my work). About 3 years ago I started taking classes at a community college and loved it. I did some in person classes such as Thai Chi and Yoga, and also some online classes to keep my mind busy. This really helped me to stay on track, gave me a little social life, and opened up some new doors career wise. Maybe you could give it a try? Most offer financial aid if money is a concern, and the classes are pretty fun!

Hang in there, keep posting and lean on us to help support you, you are not alone with SR on your side.

ScottFromWI

I know exactly how you feel WL. I dealt with anxiety all my life and alcohol seemed like a miracle cure to me as well. It seemingly allowed me to be much more social, confident, calm, etc. Of course the problem is that i could never just have a "few".

I needed to accept that - that drinking any amount was simply not an option anymore. I also needed to accept that my anxiety was a separate and distinct problem that also needed a plan to treat on it's own. You mention that you are "mentally sound except the anxiety". Anxiety is a very real mental health issue, but it's got nothing to do with how "sound" one is. And it's a very treatable condition. Having said that, it's made worse by alcohol - so the first step is stopping drinking completely.

Fearlessat50

It is good to see you back here this morning, WL. You are not alone in this. You can see from the responses that many of us have been where you are. Many have gotten free. So you can do this too. It will take work though. I agree with others. Perhaps medical support is needed at this point. In the meantime, keep posting here. Isolation is a killer. We can help support you!