I really need support!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 83
I really need support!!!
I’ve been reading on SR all day...been here off and on regularly for the last 11 days and I just don’t know if it’s my mind playing tricks on me or just self-pity or what...I just feel like I try to open up and post about me and what I am going thru and I don’t seem to get a whole a lot of response so I decided I would post my own thread.
i feel like I am unliked by most people here and I don’t know why.
Someone tell me me this is all in my head.
I’m just feeling really low right now and really lonely and I know isolating myself it’s not a good thing but that’s really what I do...all the time.
My husband knows I’m not drinking and he knows that this has been an issue for me for many years... he just phoned me to let me know that he has almost arrived at where he’s going to be staying this weekend then proceeded to tell me about his stop at the liquor store to buy a bottle of vodka and went on to say it was supposed to come with s jar of pickled beans but they ran out...He thought nothing of it...I didn’t say anything I was just completely silent and I just kept thinking why are you telling me this....Is he that clueless????
My daughter said to me today does everything you say have to be about addiction mom?
My AV is saying “what’s the point in torturing myself...no one cares....Not here, not family...I have no friends....**** it!!!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,313
From an outside perspective I think you get as many responses as anyone else - I really do 
It gets a little chaotic in monthly groups hen they first start up but things settle down.
The Weekender - it's a fast moving thread but I and other people try our darnedest to see everyone is replied to
The AV is a master at playing on our insecurities and fears of being not liked or not good enough.
Even if that were true - and it's not - how the heck would drinking ourselves into a stupor help?
I dunno about you but that made me a whole lot less likeable.
And those who aren't alcoholic can not often understand it.
I'm sure your husband meant no harm and was just making small talk
D
It gets a little chaotic in monthly groups hen they first start up but things settle down.
The Weekender - it's a fast moving thread but I and other people try our darnedest to see everyone is replied to
The AV is a master at playing on our insecurities and fears of being not liked or not good enough.
Even if that were true - and it's not - how the heck would drinking ourselves into a stupor help?
I dunno about you but that made me a whole lot less likeable.
And those who aren't alcoholic can not often understand it.
I'm sure your husband meant no harm and was just making small talk
D
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 771
Aw, I’m sorry you’re feeling alone in this. I’m new around here, but it seems to be a very active forum. I believe everyone here cares for one another, but it’s a little hard to keep up with everyone, at least for me.
Im sure your husband and daughter care very much about what you’re going through, but it’s really hard for others to relate. I haven’t spoken with anyone in my life about my issues, the only people who know are you guys on this forum. But we’re doing this for ourselves,right?
I hope you hang in there — people say it gets easier.
Im sure your husband and daughter care very much about what you’re going through, but it’s really hard for others to relate. I haven’t spoken with anyone in my life about my issues, the only people who know are you guys on this forum. But we’re doing this for ourselves,right?
I hope you hang in there — people say it gets easier.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
A lot depends on time of day here, too, Hope.
American mornings from about 5-9 and American evenings from about 6-8 get much more traffic than American daytimes or nights.
If you post here at 10 am EST your post might well sit there all day without much response.
At this moment you can see that you've already gotten a lot more.
American mornings from about 5-9 and American evenings from about 6-8 get much more traffic than American daytimes or nights.
If you post here at 10 am EST your post might well sit there all day without much response.
At this moment you can see that you've already gotten a lot more.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: nj
Posts: 470
Becoming sober and staying sober is hard work. You know the depth of it, others do not and I’m sure that you pray they never will. A change in you affects the whole family because you’re an integral part of it. When you have time to talk to your husband, let him know what helps, what hurts....spouses don’t always get it even when we think they should. Teenagers are self absorbed (I have 2)...
You might still be feeling the effects of withdrawal. Hopefully your mood will even out in the coming days. Until then, find something....a project, a cause, a hobby that’s all your own...it’ll help pass the time until you begin to feel better.
I
You might still be feeling the effects of withdrawal. Hopefully your mood will even out in the coming days. Until then, find something....a project, a cause, a hobby that’s all your own...it’ll help pass the time until you begin to feel better.
I
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
Hey sorry to hear you are feeling down. We like you and are here for you. It's quite difficult on the November thread I think when people are on their phones to respond to everyone. I can do it on my laptop but junior ral has been on it most of the day 😀
My emotions are all over the place too. It will get better for you and We are here for you
sending hugs and support
ral
My emotions are all over the place too. It will get better for you and We are here for you
sending hugs and support
ral
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,626
Hopefor me- yes there is hope. That you started this thread means to me, you want to heal and are trying. You still have a family and a home- so that is good. You have an awareness that you want recovery- also good. So what to do with this knowledge?
For me- after I got to my lowest (well documented here at SR- it was very, VERY bad), my family had abandoned me and I was homeless. here were people willing to support me, but they could not rescue me. It was not like in the movies where someone gets a light bulb moment and life got all happy. BUT I realized I had to make to effort. Minute by minute somedays- for weeks. I was so fried I could not even leave the boarding house I ended up in and remember my way back. BUT because I made a small effort- I went to a meeting, someone invited me to have a coffee with them. I did this- more out of loneliness and being so isolated- I thought I was dead some days. I started to listen, just a little to what they were talking about. And slowly life became a little better.
A plan (lots of info in the Sticky's section) with DAILY support is necessary for me. Do not rely on your family to keep you sober- they have their own battles, and outside support is the way to go. SR, meetings, a GP, psychologist and an addiction counsellor is the stuff I use. Write down a plan of what you will do . Remember HALTS- if you are feeling cravings, or stressed or anything crap- when
Hungry - eat
Angry- journal, go to a meeting, POST HERE (I suggest you join threads- more replies- and it has nothing to do with you if people do not reply, we all try our hardest and no one here judges- we support and battle our own demons, strength in unity), do mindful breathing, go for a walk, distract, have a shower-etc
Lonely- post here, go to a meeting (just listen), people watch in a mall, have a coffee with someone. Check out your local library or community centre for activities...
Tired- nananap
Thirsty- LOTS of water!
Sad- post here, talk to someone, see your GP and get a checkup, see a counsellor, go to a meeting, journal, go for a walk
Stressed- see above.
You are the only person who can change you- but we are walking this life path together- so there is plenty of company.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
For me- after I got to my lowest (well documented here at SR- it was very, VERY bad), my family had abandoned me and I was homeless. here were people willing to support me, but they could not rescue me. It was not like in the movies where someone gets a light bulb moment and life got all happy. BUT I realized I had to make to effort. Minute by minute somedays- for weeks. I was so fried I could not even leave the boarding house I ended up in and remember my way back. BUT because I made a small effort- I went to a meeting, someone invited me to have a coffee with them. I did this- more out of loneliness and being so isolated- I thought I was dead some days. I started to listen, just a little to what they were talking about. And slowly life became a little better.
A plan (lots of info in the Sticky's section) with DAILY support is necessary for me. Do not rely on your family to keep you sober- they have their own battles, and outside support is the way to go. SR, meetings, a GP, psychologist and an addiction counsellor is the stuff I use. Write down a plan of what you will do . Remember HALTS- if you are feeling cravings, or stressed or anything crap- when
Hungry - eat
Angry- journal, go to a meeting, POST HERE (I suggest you join threads- more replies- and it has nothing to do with you if people do not reply, we all try our hardest and no one here judges- we support and battle our own demons, strength in unity), do mindful breathing, go for a walk, distract, have a shower-etc
Lonely- post here, go to a meeting (just listen), people watch in a mall, have a coffee with someone. Check out your local library or community centre for activities...
Tired- nananap
Thirsty- LOTS of water!
Sad- post here, talk to someone, see your GP and get a checkup, see a counsellor, go to a meeting, journal, go for a walk
Stressed- see above.
You are the only person who can change you- but we are walking this life path together- so there is plenty of company.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Earth
Posts: 607
I've found that even my closest loved ones don't care if I don't drink but they sure didn't like it when I did. You need to do this for you. It's not anyone else's responsibility to care. I know my wife didn't want details about my recovery, she just expected me to do what's right and not be a stumbling drunk. It's can tough lonely road at first. After a while it will all become normal.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 1,339
The early days are tough, no doubt about it, and when you're hurting time passes in a different way. It may take a little while before somebody gets a response to you, and as has been said, that can vary based on the days and times, but I've found that almost all threads get answered to around here. I'm up in the middle of the night a lot, and I find I see posts from around the world that give me strength around the clock. Trust me, nobody around SR wants anyone to feel isolated!
Emotionally, I think you'll find that things will calm down as the days pass. What did you do before you quit drinking that gave you some activity, other than drinking, that made you feel better? I know you said that you isolate yourself somewhat as a matter of habit, but you can use the extra support now to help you get through this. Try to at least get out of the house, go to a recovery meeting, spread your shopping over a couple of days, go visit a friend.
If you think that therapy would be helpful, look into it. I did, and it helped a lot. Sometimes we need to hear things from an outside perspective to validate what we hear elsewhere (or to challenge it).
Emotionally, I think you'll find that things will calm down as the days pass. What did you do before you quit drinking that gave you some activity, other than drinking, that made you feel better? I know you said that you isolate yourself somewhat as a matter of habit, but you can use the extra support now to help you get through this. Try to at least get out of the house, go to a recovery meeting, spread your shopping over a couple of days, go visit a friend.
If you think that therapy would be helpful, look into it. I did, and it helped a lot. Sometimes we need to hear things from an outside perspective to validate what we hear elsewhere (or to challenge it).
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 388
Hopeforme2014,
I have only just joined this forum a little over a week ago. I just went back and read a number of your old posts. When I read others posts I always look for similarities in our stories. In both of our cases, we have a spouse that continues to drink. You also mentioned that sometimes you spouse feels more like an enabler than a supporter. I sometimes feel that way. My wife and I have literally not said one word about me not drinking. However, last week she didn't drink at all from Sunday through Thursday which is unusual and I liked it. Then last night she bought and drank a bottle of wine. Still that's much less than I used to drink.
I also want to comment on your statement that you sometimes dont feel you get enough support here. I also feel that way but I am much newer. I post comments and sometimes get replies about my specific issues but a lot of the times I don't. When I look at that objectively I am sure it is because there are so many posts and so many people reaching out for help. I am glad I am not alone and others want to also get better. The other thing is I have also not sent or received any PM's yet. But like I said I am still very new to the forum and revovery.
As of right now, this forum is my only means of support. I am going to continue to read posts throughout the day and be as active as I can. If it comes down to me needing more individual attention that I dont get here I will look for one on one therapy outside the forum.
The last thing we have in common, is that no matter the level of support we are getting, or the intensity of our situation, or whatever the situation, by far the most important thing is we dont drink!
I have only just joined this forum a little over a week ago. I just went back and read a number of your old posts. When I read others posts I always look for similarities in our stories. In both of our cases, we have a spouse that continues to drink. You also mentioned that sometimes you spouse feels more like an enabler than a supporter. I sometimes feel that way. My wife and I have literally not said one word about me not drinking. However, last week she didn't drink at all from Sunday through Thursday which is unusual and I liked it. Then last night she bought and drank a bottle of wine. Still that's much less than I used to drink.
I also want to comment on your statement that you sometimes dont feel you get enough support here. I also feel that way but I am much newer. I post comments and sometimes get replies about my specific issues but a lot of the times I don't. When I look at that objectively I am sure it is because there are so many posts and so many people reaching out for help. I am glad I am not alone and others want to also get better. The other thing is I have also not sent or received any PM's yet. But like I said I am still very new to the forum and revovery.
As of right now, this forum is my only means of support. I am going to continue to read posts throughout the day and be as active as I can. If it comes down to me needing more individual attention that I dont get here I will look for one on one therapy outside the forum.
The last thing we have in common, is that no matter the level of support we are getting, or the intensity of our situation, or whatever the situation, by far the most important thing is we dont drink!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: North East, USA
Posts: 704
Gilmer is right. This being an international board from Australia to England to the US there are a multitude of time zones. So many abroad in other nations. It's amazing really, the scope of this network.
Other people in recovery are obviously more apt to talk about it so I would keep posting. It hardard to follow individuals like I used to bc of work and I neglected signing on. Got wrapped up in me. I regret that. Ive made conscious effort to get back on here as it really is of tremendous value.
Hopefully your sobriety will grow and others drinking wont bother you. It knly bithers me when I think people think im thinking about it. Im not. But it eases with time. Hopefully not something you have to do often.
Congrats on the time you have and the work youre doing. Magnificent.
Jules
Other people in recovery are obviously more apt to talk about it so I would keep posting. It hardard to follow individuals like I used to bc of work and I neglected signing on. Got wrapped up in me. I regret that. Ive made conscious effort to get back on here as it really is of tremendous value.
Hopefully your sobriety will grow and others drinking wont bother you. It knly bithers me when I think people think im thinking about it. Im not. But it eases with time. Hopefully not something you have to do often.
Congrats on the time you have and the work youre doing. Magnificent.
Jules
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,445
Hope, I'm glad that you posted and I'm sorry you're feeling down. I know that people here are very caring, and I hope you begin to feel the love.
My family really, really didn't want me to talk about alcoholism or recovery at all. They believed firmly that it was my problem and I needed to fix it. Of course, they really wanted me to get better, but they didn't want to be part of the process. That was hard to accept at first, but eventually I began to realize that this is really a very personal journey.
My family really, really didn't want me to talk about alcoholism or recovery at all. They believed firmly that it was my problem and I needed to fix it. Of course, they really wanted me to get better, but they didn't want to be part of the process. That was hard to accept at first, but eventually I began to realize that this is really a very personal journey.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Posts: 47
It's Saturday early evening on the east coast of the US. I'm guessing many of our friends in the UK and Ireland are asleep.
Feeling alone can be so painful, but really, you are not alone here, nor disliked, nor ignored. It's just that folks may not be here when it's late night or morning where they are, or may be reading and take tie to see and respond.
Please stay, continue to read and post, and speak up when you need special help, like you did this evening.
Feeling alone can be so painful, but really, you are not alone here, nor disliked, nor ignored. It's just that folks may not be here when it's late night or morning where they are, or may be reading and take tie to see and respond.
Please stay, continue to read and post, and speak up when you need special help, like you did this evening.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 83
I’m sorry everyone.
I feel like such an idiot posting what I did.
My irrational fears and roller coaster emotions got the best of me today and I feel very foolish.
I have gotten so much out of what is shared here on SR and it has had a profound impact on me.
I did not go out and drink. Instead I went out and bought munchies and bath stuff.
Thank you you everyone who responded. It means a lot to me and I have taken every bit of advice to heart.
This is my own journey and only I can change my life. I am very grateful for everyone who shares such intimate details of struggles and successes.
It feels good to go to bed sober.
Thank you.
Tomorrow is a new day.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 771
I don’t think you should feel at all bad about your post. You reached out about something you were going through, which is the point of this forum. Im glad you seem to be feeling better. Bath stuff and munchies sound like a good way to treat yourself.
:-)
:-)
Member
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Right here, right now
Posts: 3,962
Hi Hope, I’m sorry you were feeling alone earlier today! Please don’t feel like an idiot. Your feelings are all valid and part of you. I really doubt anyone here dislikes you. I really think it’s just hard for folks to keep up with such an active forum. I am glad you reached out and for the title of your post because it certainly caught my attention! Please keep coming here and don’t isolate yourself! Everyone here wants to help ourselves and each other through this struggle.
I’m sorry about the responses you’ve gotten from your spouse and daughter. I don’t think they mean to hurt you. I honestly think people just don’t get it unless they’ve been through it. My son was too young to know what was going on with me when I got sober. But my husband said some really lame things. When I was ready, I talked about my feelings and he understands more now. But much of my journey is private.
Hugs!
I’m sorry about the responses you’ve gotten from your spouse and daughter. I don’t think they mean to hurt you. I honestly think people just don’t get it unless they’ve been through it. My son was too young to know what was going on with me when I got sober. But my husband said some really lame things. When I was ready, I talked about my feelings and he understands more now. But much of my journey is private.
Hugs!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,313
Originally Posted by Hopeforme2014 
I’m sorry everyone.
I feel like such an idiot posting what I did.
My irrational fears and roller coaster emotions got the best of me today and I feel very foolish.
I have gotten so much out of what is shared here on SR and it has had a profound impact on me.
I did not go out and drink. Instead I went out and bought munchies and bath stuff.
Thank you you everyone who responded. It means a lot to me and I have taken every bit of advice to heart.
This is my own journey and only I can change my life. I am very grateful for everyone who shares such intimate details of struggles and successes.
It feels good to go to bed sober.
Thank you.
Tomorrow is a new day.
We understand - and its great you reached out for help!
D
Ocean Lover!
Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: You know nothing Jon Snow - UK
Posts: 2,604
One of my first few posts was very similar. I felt like no-one here liked me and that everyone else’s posts got responses but I felt like mine weren’t being replied to. It was all down to my distorted thinking and lack of confidence and couldn’t have been further from the truth. I have made some real connections on here and I realised people do care. When your mind starts going down this road the best thing to do is post here. The amount of times the community here have helped me see I am not thinking clearly or catastrophising and I just need to take a step back and breathe has been invaluable. Nothing good comes of keeping it all in and turning it over and over in your mind. xx
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