Who am i ?
 

i dont know who i am anymore mixed up never knew who i am i dont like me so i didnt care what did to my body i still have no clue who i am i thought id be a gay man but now am wearing a dress and bought female clothes i got away from myself a long time i go through self harm , drink or drugs still didnt like me am still the person am trying to get away from whats so bad about me FEAR of being normal fear of people abandoning me i have never really sat and talked to anyone about this ACTUALLY TALK THE ******* TRUTH FOR ONCE am scared they will all hate me that my husband and friends will leave me then i be on my own to die alone
its would be my own fault my mother is right am an attention seeker
i dont know who i am the pastor i normally talk with partner is unwell he hasnt been to work in weeks and he maybe off for a while
i hate myself WHO THE HELL AM I

Hello SerenityRiver, please be kind and compassionate with yourself. I agree with Bonnie about the counseling. I once had a total identity crisis too. Therapy helped me greatly in discovering and embracing myself.

i wonder if you have an lgbtq community centre in Edinburgh? usually, they have lots of folks to talk with about "identity issues" and related fears and confusions and certainly can refer to other support.
often, they also have addiction support and such.

I'm sorry to hear you in such confusion and despair.
It took me a long time to work out who I was and then accept it.

One thing I do know for sure is my friends and chosen loved loves and family will never abandon me for being the real me - they couldn't be my friends/loved ones if they did that.

Your mum is wrong - you're not an attention seeker. This is important stuff that needs to be talked out.

It's ok to be you, SerenityRiver :)

D