The “Blue” Pill.
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Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 1,339
Do you need to up the game/stakes on your recovery plan, such as inpatient help to get you away from the booze? Remember that I wrote that I felt that you are at a precipice? Drinking at 6:00 a.m. or up to it is something that tells me you may not be working?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
You are walking a very, very fine line. I know you know this, but it bears repeating. Your wife, your career and everything. You're set to lose it all. I was there as well so I know and I speak from experience. Life can get so much better.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 55
I don’t intend to be rude to anyone. I know you can all go back and look into my old posts. I said I would get better and haven’t. Sometimes I think, I know no one here and no one knows me. I posted for a reason, I need, want and appreciate the advice. My problem is, I’m so caught up in addiction, nothing else matters. I’ll read every post. I’ll ignore most. I feel like I need that one story or person to “click”. Sorry, I’m just trying to be completely transparent.
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
Originally Posted by UhOh 
I don’t intend to be rude to anyone. I know you can all go back and look into my old posts. I said I would get better and haven’t. Sometimes I think, I know no one here and no one knows me. I posted for a reason, I need, want and appreciate the advice. My problem is, I’m so caught up in addiction, nothing else matters. I’ll read every post. I’ll ignore most. I feel like I need that one story or person to “click”. Sorry, I’m just trying to be completely transparent.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Phoenix
Posts: 1,189
The only way to get to the light is to go through the dark side.....
The dark side will be the withdrawal period, yes it will suck, but finding your way to the light (sobriety) is so worth the journey.
I have been where you are, you can get out of the hole, start digging and don't stop until you reach the other side.
Blessings to you.
The dark side will be the withdrawal period, yes it will suck, but finding your way to the light (sobriety) is so worth the journey.
I have been where you are, you can get out of the hole, start digging and don't stop until you reach the other side.
Blessings to you.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by UhOh
Yes
The good news is that there is a way out, even for you. In fact, you are the one that holds the ultimate power/choice of getting you out of that hole. We can help you but you are the only one that can actually pull yourself out. Why not make the decision that today is the day? There's no reason it can't be.
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
You'll probably resist the suggestion, but I second Guener's recommendation for inpatient. If you can't keep away from alcohol, you have to find a way to keep yourself from it.
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London, England
Posts: 7,057
I'm not good at advice but I felt I wanted to add something.
I can sense your desperation and I totally understand that when fully immersed in addiction and despair, the feeling that "nobody understands".
Nobody really does know what it is like for you me or anyone else. Addiction is a very lonely place.
Be kind to yourself.
I can sense your desperation and I totally understand that when fully immersed in addiction and despair, the feeling that "nobody understands".
Nobody really does know what it is like for you me or anyone else. Addiction is a very lonely place.
Be kind to yourself.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Minnesota, USA
Posts: 1,468
no one can change you and or your situation but you. You know this.
There is not going to be a story that is going to "fix" you or that is going to click with you enough to make you change.
The change comes from within and putting the bottle down. Wanting to be sober more than a drink.
It is a terrible place to be, so engulfed within the addiction that it has taken you over, it is so sad and I wish nothing more than a sober life for you.
Does it help to hear:
people die while drunk? Falling down the stairs, breaking a neck. Is that a way you would like to go down?- A friend dies 2 years ago as this happened to him Most likely the answer is no
Does it make it more real knowing you could turn yellow and have liver disease and sit and wait years to get a transplant, and the clock starts over every time you pick up a drink? Probably not. - A friend is currently in this situation.
Does it make you want to put the drink down knowing you are capable of turning your life around and being a better version of you? I sure as hell hope so.
Being a drunk
Being Drunk
Stuffing all the **** inside is a vicious cycle, the insanity.
I could not imagine living a life where I no longer feel. A life where all I do is numb myself to not feel the loss, the self-loathing, the pity party, the shame, regret, etc... WIth all those feelings and be able to feel them I was able to learn from them and move on, move on to a better me a better mom and one day I will be an amazing partner who doesn't have to turn to the bottle because I am incapable of communicating my feelings.
Look within yourself, dump out the booze and get to work! What do you have to lose?
Blessings,
DC
There is not going to be a story that is going to "fix" you or that is going to click with you enough to make you change.
The change comes from within and putting the bottle down. Wanting to be sober more than a drink.
It is a terrible place to be, so engulfed within the addiction that it has taken you over, it is so sad and I wish nothing more than a sober life for you.
Does it help to hear:
people die while drunk? Falling down the stairs, breaking a neck. Is that a way you would like to go down?- A friend dies 2 years ago as this happened to him Most likely the answer is no
Does it make it more real knowing you could turn yellow and have liver disease and sit and wait years to get a transplant, and the clock starts over every time you pick up a drink? Probably not. - A friend is currently in this situation.
Does it make you want to put the drink down knowing you are capable of turning your life around and being a better version of you? I sure as hell hope so.
Being a drunk
Being Drunk
Stuffing all the **** inside is a vicious cycle, the insanity.
I could not imagine living a life where I no longer feel. A life where all I do is numb myself to not feel the loss, the self-loathing, the pity party, the shame, regret, etc... WIth all those feelings and be able to feel them I was able to learn from them and move on, move on to a better me a better mom and one day I will be an amazing partner who doesn't have to turn to the bottle because I am incapable of communicating my feelings.
Look within yourself, dump out the booze and get to work! What do you have to lose?
Blessings,
DC
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
Pour out the booze. That advice used to drive me nuts when I was still deep in the bottle. In fact I think Scott had given it to me numerous times. Ha.
But that's the way to go. Pour it out and embrace the struggle to get straight It's clear that you want that, you're here again looking for a way out.
There's a better life. You have to leverage your values and start fighting.
But that's the way to go. Pour it out and embrace the struggle to get straight It's clear that you want that, you're here again looking for a way out.
There's a better life. You have to leverage your values and start fighting.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 154
Assuming you still have your family and job, you aren't as deep in the rabbit hole as you think. As others in the thread have pointed out, many of us have had thoughts about what distinguishes our drinking from others. The thing is, even if it's true, it doesn't matter.
The way you are reasoning to yourself right now, forming arguments, is all being sort of...puppeteered by another interest: your habitual desire to continue drinking. Note that it's "habitual", meaning out of habit. It can be unlearned. But that requires sober time. The weekend is here. Assuming you don't work weekends, you have a solid two days to go through the worst of withdrawals (see a doctor for the proper meds to withdraw safely) and come Monday you can challenge yourself to work sober. It will be tough, the stresses and triggers will be there, but you can think of it as some kind of Herculean test of your willpower. Once you actually get through some days, your brain will slowly stop remembering the triggering associations you have developed with alcohol out of habit.
It takes time and willpower, but you know it is in your best interest as well as the best interest of your family. Perhaps some kind of talk therapy could help you better manage other problem areas that push you to drinking in the meantime.
The way you are reasoning to yourself right now, forming arguments, is all being sort of...puppeteered by another interest: your habitual desire to continue drinking. Note that it's "habitual", meaning out of habit. It can be unlearned. But that requires sober time. The weekend is here. Assuming you don't work weekends, you have a solid two days to go through the worst of withdrawals (see a doctor for the proper meds to withdraw safely) and come Monday you can challenge yourself to work sober. It will be tough, the stresses and triggers will be there, but you can think of it as some kind of Herculean test of your willpower. Once you actually get through some days, your brain will slowly stop remembering the triggering associations you have developed with alcohol out of habit.
It takes time and willpower, but you know it is in your best interest as well as the best interest of your family. Perhaps some kind of talk therapy could help you better manage other problem areas that push you to drinking in the meantime.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by UhOh
I won’t, but thanks. I have a full time job and the only rehab centre around is booked for months.
You've mentioned before that you drink at work, so even though you currently have a full time job, that may not always be the case. Desparate measures require extraordinary solutions so i woudn't rule anything out.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 230
Hey . I know it is not funny at all but you made me smile ...in this tragic situation you used humour saying every day is day one and ends at 6am . I just imagined. I wonder how you manage to work . When i was on bender i could do nothing but cry and lock myself in . Sometimes i was envy how people can drink and work if i m so unwell of traumas and stress and other staff that even sober ...i do all by forcing myself and God knows how many months of years it will take to recover. Today i did one meeting -welfare and came home and belly agony ...only thing i could do was lie in bed and checking if i bear or will need to take nurophen femine . I managed pain but exhausted . I know alcohol would numb but after it d be hundreds times worse. Its not working for me . I m writing as i might think if you posted .... there is some suffering there. I ve no idea . You will decide whats best option . Not an expert anymore . But somehow you made me smile with the phrase day one starts every day and ends at 6 am . Humor helps me bear a lot even such black humor . I hope you ll get there . I m determined . It shows we all drank or drink for very individual reasons . Whats there to dig out and face ... this is a challenge. But worth digging out i believe X D
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