6 months and then I relapsed
 

I'm still not sure what went wrong. I was involved in service work, I was doing a 90 and 90, I was working the steps, I had friends in AA. Last night I drank about 2 glasses of wine before realizing I'd made a mistake. I threw the rest of the wine out.

I told my sponsor today, no response yet. I'm worried I'm going to lose all my friends and respect in AA because I have to start at Day 1 all over again.

I sort of felt like it was a necessary evil, that I needed to drink just to remind myself of how bad it truly is. But now I'm feeling very lost and unmotivated to have to reset my progress. Looking for any experience, strength, and hope

Sorry you slipped, but it sounds like a softer one. By that I mean there wasn't heroic amount of alc resulting in physical, ethical, or legal ramifications. I have had this amount of time many times. The 6-9 month period is perilous for me. It sounds like AA is a good route for you with maybe the exception of your sponsor if heshe is indeed shunning you. He/She might simply be busy. As for me, these slips are really dangerous because any and all emotional inertia is completely blown and I default back to "relief" much sooner than later. That doesn't seem to be the case with you though. Was it a social slip where drinking was just convenient or were you looking for oblivion?

People in AA don't shoot their wounded because we have all been there. Some of us did all of relapsing before coming into AA. Some of us relapse after coming to AA. I don't know of anyone who quit drinking for good on their first attempt at it. I certainly don't believe relapse is a necessary evil, just an evil that does exist in reality. Use it as a learning tool.

Have you ever watched a baby learning to walk? A quick butt plop is the usual result. The baby does't beat itself up wondering if he is going to lose his friends and respect. He merely rolls over on all fours and gets back to it. He looks to a brighter future and mastering this skill that will open new worlds.

I'm glad you caught yourself. Don't beat yourself up about it, but remember how you felt, what you were thinking and learn from it. You drank two glasses of wine in 6 months. Hopefully, you were not white-knuckling it for six months. Think positive and keep moving forward to your goal of sobriety. Good luck.

Hi BMB

You were on my list to contact this month as I saw you were part of my May 2018 class and hadn’t seen much posting from you since. So glad to hear from you!!

Sounds like you were doing great.

Sorry you decided to drink.

My only relapsed was early on in my recovery, so I do not have any experience going six months and then deciding to drink. For me, the memory of how brutal those first 90 days were for me is something I do not want to repeat and that keeps me aware of why I don’t want to take that first sip.


Glad you’re back on track!!

You managed to drink two glasses and stopped yourself from drinking the rest?

Now that's willpower! Should be proud!

I would think really hard about this: I drank about 2 glasses of wine before realizing I'd made a mistake. I just can't imagine how this would happen if you were really working your program the way you needed to. I've read some stuff about the "relapse ladder" and how it starts way before we actually take the drink...we have to have a lapse in intention, commitment, somehow open a mental door, and then align that lapse with an opportunity to drink (by buying alcohol, going somewhere where it will be served without a plan, etc.) I relapsed many times, and in retrospect there was always something I should have been doing that I wasn't, or something that I wasn't doing that I should have been. This is a really good opportunity for self-reflection and adjustment.

We were part of the same class in May and I would have hit my 6 month barrier too by now. I relapsed after 4 and a half months, I then proceeded to drink on 3 seperate times in the last 6 weeks.

I'm back on day 7 now. Don't beat yourself up, just learn from it.

For me, the good things I have taken away from my relapses are.... I actually no longer want a life of drinking, of being hungover and all the consequences. I also went straight back to my previous levels of drinking. So yeah, I am under no illusions that I can moderate etc

It is still very early days, I don't know what the future holds, but all I do know, is that I truly no longer want alcohol in my life.

I am aiming at a day and a time, get the first 30 days out the way, then aiming for 90. I will hit that 6 month mark!

Ok, so you relapsed. And that is a bummer, for sure. But don't awfulize it. As was mentioned AA doesn't shoot their wounded!

Few things that jump out at me that I would ponder: You had two glasses of wine before you even realized it was a mistake? Not sure what that means. I would encourage you to strip away the denial there and look closely at ownership.

You're worried about losing your friends/being judged. What do they teach us? It's none of my beeswax what other people think of me. This isn't about what 'they' think. This is between you and your higher power....

I know that accountability, ownership, honesty...to myself are part of the foundation of my abstinence. Smashing the idea that drinking will ever work.

I'm guessing you are back to step one, but that's ok. That's the most important step. Go to a meeting,, share you experience. You will help others in doing that ! Don't be hard on yourself.

Relapse happens way before you pick up. There are 3 stages of relapse. First is emotional relapse which in this stage you are not even thinking of drinking, your resolve can be strong but not putting self care first and managing emotions appropriately is the first warning sign. Then comes the mental replapse where your mind starts to think about drinking (I can moderate maybe, I need to prove I don't like drinking). This is the point you need to reach out and tell someone in your support network and deal with it otherwise you move straight into physical relapse and pick up. These first 2 stages can happen over a period of weeks/months. We covered this a lot in rehab and for me I learned that there is no such thing as I "I don't know where it came from, one minute I was ok and the next I was drinking". There is a pattern and warning signs and it's up to me to notice and acknowledge them and take action there and then.

Don't be too hard on yourself, dust yourself off and learn from it. As frick says, doesn't matter what anyone else thinks of you, what matters is you loving yourself first and foremost. Take care and keep strong xx

One of many reasons why I never returned to
my drinking addiction after I spent 28 days in
rehab was because I wanted and needed to remain
sober no matter what.


When I returned home, back to my little
family, I took what was taught to me and
began to apply it to my everyday life on a
continuous bases to achieve success in my
own sobriety and recovery.


For each meeting I went to, I listened
closely to those who came In and went
back out to try some control drinking
or those who needed to go out and test
the waters again to see if drinking alcohol
could or would work for them.

Those folks returned to let me know that
no it didn't work and that they were ready
to do whatever it takes to remain sober
and build a strong recovery foundation
to live upon as they moved forward in their
lives.

Each and everyday I saw and heard
from these folks, it confirmed to me
that I wanted to be sober more than
ever and that I did not need to go out
and test the waters myself because
I knew and heard that it didn't work.


Brush yourself off, return to your meetings
with willingness, openmindedness and honesty
along with determination and responsibility
for yourself, because this is your recovery
and you want this more than anything and
you will go to any lengths to your human
ability to achieve it.


I commend you for returning to your
recovery without judgement. Progress
and not perfection as you move forward. :)

It is difficult when we have a slip. However, you dumped the rest of the alcohol out. Your slip/relapse sounds exactly like my last one. I would have never dumped the bottle if I hadn't been in AA. I think it's progress that you were able to connect the dots and dump the booze. It means that the program is working. It doesn't stick for everyone at first. I have been in AA for a year and I am back at 2 months again after a slip.

To put things into perspective, I know a man in my fellowship who was in AA and it took him 9 years. He now has been sober since 1992. He was willing and stuck to it for 9 years. I am not sure what clicked in him - I'd have to ask. He gives me hope to keep going, though.

I've heard many different perspectives on relapses (some would rather call it "lapses" because all progress is not lost). I also have attempted to quit many times myself over the past six months.

Sounds like you have the right approach... you are treating the situation with vigilance (other than you don't need to feel ashamed or embarrassed). You have nipped it in the bud and got right back on the wagon.

The bigger mistake would be to treat this situation lightly then slip into old habits. That has been my mistake lately. Don't be like how I was earlier this year. :(

My last relapse was after six months sober too. I drank for two days and was deathly ill. When I woke up after drinking for two days, I vowed I would quit for good. And I have. I will have nine years in December. :) Don't give up! :hug:

Hi bringmeback, I remember your earlier posts and I'm rooting for you. It's not always easy doing this in your 20s, although I've had to permanently eliminate that as an excuse. I agree with others who have said disappointing people in the program should not be your main concern. If you find that AA is not thoroughly meshing.. there are other recovery methods you could consider adding. I believe we can and probably should utilize more than one if necessary. Something as simple as learning to recognize your addictive thought patterns and separate yourself/observe these thoughts before taking action can really help when it comes down to it.

I'm sorry you drank but please just get back on the horse and don't waste too much time feeling guilty/ashamed. Use it as a learning experience.

You need to kill this thinking. Never worry what anybody else thinks about you or what have done unless it directly impacts them.

Self validation don't be sheep.

Welcome back bringmeback :)

I understand you might not want to do it now but when you feel a little stronger maybe it'll be a good exercise to go back and read your some of your past threads - I think you'll see some pointers towards your decision and those glasses of wine.

I'm not suggesting this is some kind of punishment or public shaming btw :)

I think it will help you to see the progression of this, for your run at Recovery 2.0 - the update :)

D