day 1 and defeated. this feels insurmountable.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 100
day 1 and defeated. this feels insurmountable.
Hey guys,
I really need some support. How have you guys overcome hopeless situations?
I hate my living situation. I wish I had a decent place to live alone and recover.
Need to find a job but that might be the easy part. Rents are very high in the city (Toronto) so it all looks very bleak right now. Most people are barely surviving. Credit card debt, paycheck to paycheck.
My life sucks. I'll be 26 this month and everything looks so bleak. Trying to look forward to some better days but its hard. Am I gonna do this for the rest of my life? The dark side says go out tonight and get really wasted, forget about all your problems. But that won't solve anything...
I really need some support. How have you guys overcome hopeless situations?
I hate my living situation. I wish I had a decent place to live alone and recover.
Need to find a job but that might be the easy part. Rents are very high in the city (Toronto) so it all looks very bleak right now. Most people are barely surviving. Credit card debt, paycheck to paycheck.
My life sucks. I'll be 26 this month and everything looks so bleak. Trying to look forward to some better days but its hard. Am I gonna do this for the rest of my life? The dark side says go out tonight and get really wasted, forget about all your problems. But that won't solve anything...
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Lakeside, Arizona
Posts: 1,138
There's only one way to break the cycle and that's to put the drink down and not pick it up. It's hard, especially at first. Most days I wanted to pound my head through the wall.
Things get better with time but for me there was some suffering I had to work through first.
Things get better with time but for me there was some suffering I had to work through first.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 1,339
You're twenty-six, and that means that you have a lot of years ahead of you to lead a happier life. That doesn't mean that you should pick up a drink, because you are young and can take it just another day, because if you do, you'll be just as miserable or, more likely, more so. Very few people recover alone, and I'm unaware of anybody that has in isolation (besides imprisonment). It seems unlikely that you're going to be able to change your living arrangements any time soon, so you need to take other measures. Checking in with SR is a good start. For now, just don't pick up a drink, and listen to some of the good advice that is sure to follow.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 2,872
I was a seemingly hopeless drunk. I drank alcoholicly for longer than you've been alive.
Homeless, sleeping on friends couches, but still drank.
Once you get some sober time, and you can, things will look up. I promise.
Think of the money and misery you'll save yourself.
No, drinking won't solve anything. Believe me, I tried to drink myself out of being a drunk for ten years when things really got bad.
You're young. You've got your whole life in front of you. I
I drank for another twenty years when I was 26.
All it ever got me was drunk and miserable. So why not drink more? That was my alcoholic thinking.
Needless to say, I was near hopeless.
I had to take action. I picked up that hundred pound phone and finally called AA.
I found people just like me. Same as this place.
Slowly, ever so slowly with many failed attempts, I've been sober for over nine years.
You can do it. We're all with you.
Homeless, sleeping on friends couches, but still drank.
Once you get some sober time, and you can, things will look up. I promise.
Think of the money and misery you'll save yourself.
No, drinking won't solve anything. Believe me, I tried to drink myself out of being a drunk for ten years when things really got bad.
You're young. You've got your whole life in front of you. I
I drank for another twenty years when I was 26.
All it ever got me was drunk and miserable. So why not drink more? That was my alcoholic thinking.
Needless to say, I was near hopeless.
I had to take action. I picked up that hundred pound phone and finally called AA.
I found people just like me. Same as this place.
Slowly, ever so slowly with many failed attempts, I've been sober for over nine years.
You can do it. We're all with you.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 11
Maybe for one immediate thing you could jot down how much money you’ll save by NOT going out and drinking tonight. Multiply it out for a week, a month, a year. Then think about what you could do with that money instead. Best to you!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,503
I hope that you stop drinking for good. It will help your life in many ways. Of course, you will save money which can be spent in positive ways. And, it will help you make the best decisions about your living situation.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,436
Hi readyt0change
I got sober in the same crappy little apartment I drank in so it's possible
But the bottom line is the only way you'll get up the gumption (and the money) to move is by not drinking.
Getting sober and staying that way is not insurmountable - but it will take a lot of effort, courage and a readiness to feel uncomfortable for a while.
A plan helps too. What changes do you need to make, ewhat supports do you have? how will you handle this, and this and that?
'Winging' sobriety is not a long term strategy,
There's no easy way out of the cycle but it's worth every bit of the effort,
When I quit I ended up having to move 6 months later cos my place was condemned.
I spent a long time looking in the newspaper for rents I could afford - I had to go a ways out of town in the end but it turned out ok
D
I got sober in the same crappy little apartment I drank in so it's possible
But the bottom line is the only way you'll get up the gumption (and the money) to move is by not drinking.
Getting sober and staying that way is not insurmountable - but it will take a lot of effort, courage and a readiness to feel uncomfortable for a while.
A plan helps too. What changes do you need to make, ewhat supports do you have? how will you handle this, and this and that?
'Winging' sobriety is not a long term strategy,
There's no easy way out of the cycle but it's worth every bit of the effort,
When I quit I ended up having to move 6 months later cos my place was condemned.
I spent a long time looking in the newspaper for rents I could afford - I had to go a ways out of town in the end but it turned out ok
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
"broke..in CC debt..hate living situation and NO JOB".. I'm about 16yrs older than you,BUT do any of those look like rational reasons to go spend what you have/could afford on booze/night out at any age? I don't care what the Toronto economy is.. I'm sure some are thriving..it's the people/places/things I/YOU,as individual people, surround ourselves with, that show us the 'light' to a positive lifestyle(Health,wealth,happiness).. .Spend this evening writing out a sobriety/life plan that will put you in the positive situations/direction you want your life to be in..Not worrying about how to hide from your current situation in life. Not trying to be rude..just saying.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Posts: 591
Welcome. You only have 1 day, I promise If you put down the drink in 30 days you will be 200% better than you are now. It will be emotional and frustrating but you will get to the root of what’s holding you back from being successful. Stay strong 💪
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: here, now.
Posts: 1,236
I’m in here reading tonight, and right before I saw your post I read another one that made me remember being caught in the cycle you’re in, in a really visceral way.
You think now “I need a nicer place to get sober in”.
I thought that. And so many other excuses. I have a wedding to go to. I can’t work and quit at the same time. So many more.
We call that the alcoholic voice here, or AV. It’s not melodramatic and it’s in all of us. The excuses.
You might not have a place that’s half as god as the one you’re in now when you’re really backed in the wall. Jail cells come to mind.
It’s really hard. I think you can do it though. I had to go one hour, even minute, at a time in the beginning sometime. Now, two years in, I reflect on two years out. Two years after my last drink I’m a different person, in so many ways. I’m not perfect at all and I’m still me, but I’m more centered, much funnier, more fun, more confident, more successful, more attractive, yada yada. Two years before I quit, I was rattling around in the same stale booze breath rut I’d been in for a few years at that point.
I’m not into regret but I often find myself thinking “wish I hadn’t done that” (high interest rate on a loan, dumb color on the walls in the house, ate extra dessert etc). I’ve never thought”I wish I had stayed drinking”. Never once.
I’ve thought, especially in the beginning “I want that glass of wine” but that’s not the same as “I wish I wasn’t sober, wish I never made that decision and acted on it”.
Lean on the group here. It’s an excellent resource.
You think now “I need a nicer place to get sober in”.
I thought that. And so many other excuses. I have a wedding to go to. I can’t work and quit at the same time. So many more.
We call that the alcoholic voice here, or AV. It’s not melodramatic and it’s in all of us. The excuses.
You might not have a place that’s half as god as the one you’re in now when you’re really backed in the wall. Jail cells come to mind.
It’s really hard. I think you can do it though. I had to go one hour, even minute, at a time in the beginning sometime. Now, two years in, I reflect on two years out. Two years after my last drink I’m a different person, in so many ways. I’m not perfect at all and I’m still me, but I’m more centered, much funnier, more fun, more confident, more successful, more attractive, yada yada. Two years before I quit, I was rattling around in the same stale booze breath rut I’d been in for a few years at that point.
I’m not into regret but I often find myself thinking “wish I hadn’t done that” (high interest rate on a loan, dumb color on the walls in the house, ate extra dessert etc). I’ve never thought”I wish I had stayed drinking”. Never once.
I’ve thought, especially in the beginning “I want that glass of wine” but that’s not the same as “I wish I wasn’t sober, wish I never made that decision and acted on it”.
Lean on the group here. It’s an excellent resource.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2018
Location: UK
Posts: 431
We can only do things against our will for so long, then we revert to our more comfortable habits and behaviours.
So first thing first is you have to want to stop. Take a critical look at where you are and the cost benefit of drinking in your life. Try SMART Recovery tools.
Next you need to establish in your mind that alcohol is not necessary to you enjoying your life. This involves changing a false but ingrained belief that alcohol provides the fun. You are 26 now, was alcohol important 10 years ago when you were entering the adult world?
Take a look into the medical facts and the single most important thing realise we are dealing with a real poison. Alcohol (ethanol) turns into acetaldehyde in our bodies. This is really nasty stuff and apart from destroying liver and pancreas, is graded by WHO as a grade 1 cancerogenic, right up there with Asbestos.
That is the begining to get you going. Next you need to experience life sober for a period. Over time you will find that being sober is your preferred state.
Alcohol has served a need in you. You want to find out what that is and fix it other ways.
So first thing first is you have to want to stop. Take a critical look at where you are and the cost benefit of drinking in your life. Try SMART Recovery tools.
Next you need to establish in your mind that alcohol is not necessary to you enjoying your life. This involves changing a false but ingrained belief that alcohol provides the fun. You are 26 now, was alcohol important 10 years ago when you were entering the adult world?
Take a look into the medical facts and the single most important thing realise we are dealing with a real poison. Alcohol (ethanol) turns into acetaldehyde in our bodies. This is really nasty stuff and apart from destroying liver and pancreas, is graded by WHO as a grade 1 cancerogenic, right up there with Asbestos.
That is the begining to get you going. Next you need to experience life sober for a period. Over time you will find that being sober is your preferred state.
Alcohol has served a need in you. You want to find out what that is and fix it other ways.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 100
Originally Posted by bexxed 
I’m in here reading tonight, and right before I saw your post I read another one that made me remember being caught in the cycle you’re in, in a really visceral way.
You think now “I need a nicer place to get sober in”.
I thought that. And so many other excuses. I have a wedding to go to. I can’t work and quit at the same time. So many more.
We call that the alcoholic voice here, or AV. It’s not melodramatic and it’s in all of us. The excuses.
You might not have a place that’s half as god as the one you’re in now when you’re really backed in the wall. Jail cells come to mind.
It’s really hard. I think you can do it though. I had to go one hour, even minute, at a time in the beginning sometime. Now, two years in, I reflect on two years out. Two years after my last drink I’m a different person, in so many ways. I’m not perfect at all and I’m still me, but I’m more centered, much funnier, more fun, more confident, more successful, more attractive, yada yada. Two years before I quit, I was rattling around in the same stale booze breath rut I’d been in for a few years at that point.
I’m not into regret but I often find myself thinking “wish I hadn’t done that” (high interest rate on a loan, dumb color on the walls in the house, ate extra dessert etc). I’ve never thought”I wish I had stayed drinking”. Never once.
I’ve thought, especially in the beginning “I want that glass of wine” but that’s not the same as “I wish I wasn’t sober, wish I never made that decision and acted on it”.
Lean on the group here. It’s an excellent resource.
You think now “I need a nicer place to get sober in”.
I thought that. And so many other excuses. I have a wedding to go to. I can’t work and quit at the same time. So many more.
We call that the alcoholic voice here, or AV. It’s not melodramatic and it’s in all of us. The excuses.
You might not have a place that’s half as god as the one you’re in now when you’re really backed in the wall. Jail cells come to mind.
It’s really hard. I think you can do it though. I had to go one hour, even minute, at a time in the beginning sometime. Now, two years in, I reflect on two years out. Two years after my last drink I’m a different person, in so many ways. I’m not perfect at all and I’m still me, but I’m more centered, much funnier, more fun, more confident, more successful, more attractive, yada yada. Two years before I quit, I was rattling around in the same stale booze breath rut I’d been in for a few years at that point.
I’m not into regret but I often find myself thinking “wish I hadn’t done that” (high interest rate on a loan, dumb color on the walls in the house, ate extra dessert etc). I’ve never thought”I wish I had stayed drinking”. Never once.
I’ve thought, especially in the beginning “I want that glass of wine” but that’s not the same as “I wish I wasn’t sober, wish I never made that decision and acted on it”.
Lean on the group here. It’s an excellent resource.
woke up this morning feeling better and already a couple responses from the measly 2 resumes i've sent out. i'm 2 for 2.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: North East, USA
Posts: 704
Are you presently working? Because thats where I'd start. Take whatever work you can find, make money, get out of Mom's. Not drinking will save tons.
As some said you're really young (but kinda too old to be at Moms, sorry but true) you don't need alcohol to live a good life & is toxic poison...I didn't know on par with asbestos! WOW.
I would be really thankful to have my mom around, contentious or not for early sobriety. Try to talk, she's not one of us, so she understands whats going on. It took my librarian sibling sending my parents research for them to begin to comprehend I couldn't just stop. I got taken to my own doctor by my mother at 35 years old. He is an Alcoholic. He geard her out and handed me my rear and then he told her she's not alcoholic and doesn't get it. My parents then proceeded to drop me off at my first AA meeting at the rear of the VFW bar. Good times. Catalyst to consider saving my life.
I write down everything I can, weve things Ive done just to get accomplished feeling of crossing them off.
Youre really doing good things and you did concede that living conditions are probably not as bad. Thats a grownie thing to do. Kudos.
The rewards of sobriety come...after time, eork, dedication. Yours could be a great job and decorating a brand new space of your own.
Wow, sounds so so good kid.
Go get it. You can.
Jules
As some said you're really young (but kinda too old to be at Moms, sorry but true) you don't need alcohol to live a good life & is toxic poison...I didn't know on par with asbestos! WOW.
I would be really thankful to have my mom around, contentious or not for early sobriety. Try to talk, she's not one of us, so she understands whats going on. It took my librarian sibling sending my parents research for them to begin to comprehend I couldn't just stop. I got taken to my own doctor by my mother at 35 years old. He is an Alcoholic. He geard her out and handed me my rear and then he told her she's not alcoholic and doesn't get it. My parents then proceeded to drop me off at my first AA meeting at the rear of the VFW bar. Good times. Catalyst to consider saving my life.
I write down everything I can, weve things Ive done just to get accomplished feeling of crossing them off.
Youre really doing good things and you did concede that living conditions are probably not as bad. Thats a grownie thing to do. Kudos.
The rewards of sobriety come...after time, eork, dedication. Yours could be a great job and decorating a brand new space of your own.
Wow, sounds so so good kid.
Go get it. You can.
Jules
Member
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 154
Getting out of my last relapse, I also faced a bleak situation. There were many layers, many things that needed fixing or improving. I had to be realistic with myself and say "I will never get out of this if I'm drinking. I need a clear head to strategize and come up with a plan to get out of this situation." So I stopped drinking, and plotted out exactly what I needed and wanted to do and how to do it. And that's what I've been working on since then. It's still a long road, I'm only 26 days sober, but I'm already way ahead of where I thought I'd be.
Don't allow yourself to internalize the "my life sucks" mantra. You are simply in a phase of your life right now. You can change this. The only variable is your actions. Don't rush, plan carefully, and stop drinking. Good luck.
Don't allow yourself to internalize the "my life sucks" mantra. You are simply in a phase of your life right now. You can change this. The only variable is your actions. Don't rush, plan carefully, and stop drinking. Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Ga
Posts: 1,511
Those day 1s are the pits! I’m on day 12 after relapse. Things look better today! Don’t look at the big picture yet. Focus on overcoming this addiction for today and then do it again tomorrow. Reach out for help. I went to a meeting today, broke down and cried telling everyone I had relapsed. You know what, I feel a million times better for it! They get it! They care! One day at a time. Life will get better. I’m 31 and it was about 25 ish I realized I have a problem with alcohol. I WISH I would’ve stopped there. The road ahead was more problems, more blackouts, more shame and regret and 1 arrest. Not fun times. Leave it behind. Pick yourself up and focus and getting better.
You CAN do this.
You CAN do this.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 100
Originally Posted by Alynn
Those day 1s are the pits! I’m on day 12 after relapse. Things look better today! Don’t look at the big picture yet. Focus on overcoming this addiction for today and then do it again tomorrow. Reach out for help. I went to a meeting today, broke down and cried telling everyone I had relapsed. You know what, I feel a million times better for it! They get it! They care! One day at a time. Life will get better. I’m 31 and it was about 25 ish I realized I have a problem with alcohol. I WISH I would’ve stopped there. The road ahead was more problems, more blackouts, more shame and regret and 1 arrest. Not fun times. Leave it behind. Pick yourself up and focus and getting better.
You CAN do this.
You CAN do this.
day 2 today is almost done and i'm feeling overwhelmed. my head hurts and i'm putting so much pressure on myself. my friends tell me to be kind to myself but i don't know how. i was raised in a very critical environment and it hasn't worked out well for me until this point.
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