My guide to moderation
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Join Date: May 2019
Posts: 16
Many thanks! August and LG
I agree there is no better time than now to get with my son and family. Too much drink (and I know any at all is too much for you guys) puts life in a muddle, a fog and detachment from nearest and dearest. And I dont want my son to think I'm a good example and waste all that money on buying booze! Am seriously working on it. I really am saying bye for now as thats what feels right to do. Thanks so already
I agree there is no better time than now to get with my son and family. Too much drink (and I know any at all is too much for you guys) puts life in a muddle, a fog and detachment from nearest and dearest. And I dont want my son to think I'm a good example and waste all that money on buying booze! Am seriously working on it. I really am saying bye for now as thats what feels right to do. Thanks so already
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
Originally Posted by Abraham 
Sounds more like when I'm drinking full bore. When I moderate most if not all of these things go away.
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 1,068
Less this is one of the best posts ever. At least for me. So here's a bump to the top in the hope that someone who has not seen it will benefit. I added some old wisdom on the topic for everyone's consideration.
No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.
No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
It is almost half a year since I read through this post of mine and let it open up things that I don't dwell on much anymore.
Today I was in an area of my city where I used to drink often - it in fact was just a side street, around the corner from an old apartment, where I had chugged drinks so many times before heading home. It would be on an "errand" to the corner store for something I didn't need/want where I'd buy some crap, high% beer and slam it back as hard as I could before stumbling back into my home where my wife and family would be.
I would be soaked in horrid anxiety, bent over in some ugly shape, shaking, a manifestation of human need and guilt and shame.
All these ugly, sad memories came over me, thinking of that man, that life, that way of living, of ruining. I felt that old anvil in my chest return. It made me think of all the days I would spend trying everything I could to just keep drinking - what a miserable place, yet when a profound bull, profound hold that poison has/had. For so many years I knew I had to quit and yet I would find any and every excuse to moderate, to be a drinker, to continue.
It's almost scary to think how things could have gone. I certainly gave in to the drink for long enough, and made so many reckless decisions. I'm lucky to be here. I'm rambling but I wanted to get this out - this feeling that the purity of finally quitting, the permanency, the severing of the tie to that brutal liquid, is everything.
Today I was in an area of my city where I used to drink often - it in fact was just a side street, around the corner from an old apartment, where I had chugged drinks so many times before heading home. It would be on an "errand" to the corner store for something I didn't need/want where I'd buy some crap, high% beer and slam it back as hard as I could before stumbling back into my home where my wife and family would be.
I would be soaked in horrid anxiety, bent over in some ugly shape, shaking, a manifestation of human need and guilt and shame.
All these ugly, sad memories came over me, thinking of that man, that life, that way of living, of ruining. I felt that old anvil in my chest return. It made me think of all the days I would spend trying everything I could to just keep drinking - what a miserable place, yet when a profound bull, profound hold that poison has/had. For so many years I knew I had to quit and yet I would find any and every excuse to moderate, to be a drinker, to continue.
It's almost scary to think how things could have gone. I certainly gave in to the drink for long enough, and made so many reckless decisions. I'm lucky to be here. I'm rambling but I wanted to get this out - this feeling that the purity of finally quitting, the permanency, the severing of the tie to that brutal liquid, is everything.
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Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 674
Originally Posted by lessgravity
Going back and reading my post, I was really affected by thinking about the lying that I used to do. Just how many times I looked the most important people in the world to me directly in the face and lied. How stupid it was, how harmful, selfish, terrible and even pathetic. All for that poison.
It's just so important that we get out from under that Beast. It's not easy but it's so worth it.
You can even make it up to those you've hurt. You can even make it up to yourself.
It's just so important that we get out from under that Beast. It's not easy but it's so worth it.
You can even make it up to those you've hurt. You can even make it up to yourself.
Honesty is hard enough without dog-piling all the crap on ourselves no? But it's essential - building on anything but is an exercise in eventual disappointment.
And hell yes man - we can make it up. That's one of the beauties of this place - realizing you aren't a monster. There's someone here that has been there and done that. Isolation and not being able to relate about these things sucks...
Good stuff.
-B
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
SO glad I'm unable to sleep and up reading! Love this post and lg, thanks for the honest share on the rough memories. The lying, lying, lying is something that just stuns me now. The "memory" of it in totality has receded enough that it doesn't claw at me, but when I pause to think about it, that memory is searing.
I went to a meeting yesterday at a place lots of AA folks go early on. I hadn't been to a meeting there in so long that they had redone the bathroom that used to look like an outhouse! Tile, even.
I remembered the rides I used to have to get so I could be there, before I had a car. The semi-trusting looks on my parents faces when they would drop me off, probably because there was a liquor store on the corner and it would have been too easy to pretend I was at the meeting. (Yes, I do love that bit of irony, btw). I thought about the places nearby that I could go for lunch after - and some reminded me of going there because the alcohol was cheap, don't even think I cared about food.
Lots of memories. On the whole, tho, a great thing because the meeting I went to was about step one, which is acceptance. And once I got that part - REALLY got it- and began the journey to thinking about accepting traffic as it is here (always sh*tty!) not the fact that I don't drink, or really about "alcohol" at all, all these memories are just part of my story.
I went to a meeting yesterday at a place lots of AA folks go early on. I hadn't been to a meeting there in so long that they had redone the bathroom that used to look like an outhouse! Tile, even.
I remembered the rides I used to have to get so I could be there, before I had a car. The semi-trusting looks on my parents faces when they would drop me off, probably because there was a liquor store on the corner and it would have been too easy to pretend I was at the meeting. (Yes, I do love that bit of irony, btw). I thought about the places nearby that I could go for lunch after - and some reminded me of going there because the alcohol was cheap, don't even think I cared about food.
Lots of memories. On the whole, tho, a great thing because the meeting I went to was about step one, which is acceptance. And once I got that part - REALLY got it- and began the journey to thinking about accepting traffic as it is here (always sh*tty!) not the fact that I don't drink, or really about "alcohol" at all, all these memories are just part of my story.
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Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 446
LG, this post just keeps on giving! I too do remember my awesome skills in ‘strategic recycling’ and I also remember looking at all these Vodka bottles in bewilderment and thinking: ‘Holy f@ck! Did I really drink all of that last week?’.
When I joined SR I was already done, I had stopped drinking a month before or so. But I still had this vague notion that someday I would be ‘fixed’ and then I could drink again. The combined wisdom here on SR has taught me two invaluable things:
1) I can not have even one drink. Relapse is a killer and it will only take a week or two at the max and then I will be exactly where I had been before I quit (or most likely worse).
2) moderation does not work. No one has ever come on here and reported that they were moderating successfully. No one, among thousands who have posted here. Actually, there’s this one thread from a guy who has this one super complicated set of rules to ‘moderate’ his binge drinking, but it’s really just a sophisticated application of your rule #1 above.
Thanks again for the reminder, I had a good chuckle (and a shiver)! So glad this is over!
When I joined SR I was already done, I had stopped drinking a month before or so. But I still had this vague notion that someday I would be ‘fixed’ and then I could drink again. The combined wisdom here on SR has taught me two invaluable things:
1) I can not have even one drink. Relapse is a killer and it will only take a week or two at the max and then I will be exactly where I had been before I quit (or most likely worse).
2) moderation does not work. No one has ever come on here and reported that they were moderating successfully. No one, among thousands who have posted here. Actually, there’s this one thread from a guy who has this one super complicated set of rules to ‘moderate’ his binge drinking, but it’s really just a sophisticated application of your rule #1 above.
Thanks again for the reminder, I had a good chuckle (and a shiver)! So glad this is over!
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Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
Originally Posted by August252015
I remembered the rides I used to have to get so I could be there, before I had a car. The semi-trusting looks on my parents faces when they would drop me off, probably because there was a liquor store on the corner and it would have been too easy to pretend I was at the meeting. (Yes, I do love that bit of irony, btw).
when I started going to court ordered AA and was still drinking, I'd drive a few miles further and avoid the closest meeting to my house because it was in a small strip mall directly beside the liquor store I frequented. I always quoted this movie scene when pulling away with my 'stash'.
https://youtu.be/9HVejEB5uVk
After I got some time away from the booze I attended some meetings held in bars with no fears.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
My home group is held in a restaurant, at lunchtime. We have the backroom and walk right past the bar to get to it. Never bothered me.
And I lead a restaurant industry group and our meetings are...in restaurants. Often seated around a bar. I rarely even notice the liquor bottle displays. My one "drinking" habit was picked up from our founder - sparkling water w lime in a wine glass. I only do it when out and it's like a sober person preference, actually.
And I lead a restaurant industry group and our meetings are...in restaurants. Often seated around a bar. I rarely even notice the liquor bottle displays. My one "drinking" habit was picked up from our founder - sparkling water w lime in a wine glass. I only do it when out and it's like a sober person preference, actually.
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Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 57
I've read it before, but man oh man did I need to read that today. I had 60 plus days right before the New Year, and fell off the 29th through the morning of the 31st. I'm back at day 30.
One complication (and this will seem super silly to a lot of you), and that's the fact I'm a die hard KC Chiefs fan. They are going to the Super Bowl for the first time in my lifetime, and the thought of "just a 6 pack" has been creeping into my head for Sunday's game. I said back on Jan 1 that the only way I'd fall off the wagon was a Chiefs Super Bowl trip, not thinking it would really happen (at least this year), so I wouldn't have to worry about it.
My last "6 pack" effort was 3 days and 70 plus beers. Not gonna happen again, and the only way to make sure is not take the first drink.
Thanks LessGravity!!!
Re-reading this post brought everything back into perspective.
One complication (and this will seem super silly to a lot of you), and that's the fact I'm a die hard KC Chiefs fan. They are going to the Super Bowl for the first time in my lifetime, and the thought of "just a 6 pack" has been creeping into my head for Sunday's game. I said back on Jan 1 that the only way I'd fall off the wagon was a Chiefs Super Bowl trip, not thinking it would really happen (at least this year), so I wouldn't have to worry about it.
My last "6 pack" effort was 3 days and 70 plus beers. Not gonna happen again, and the only way to make sure is not take the first drink.
Thanks LessGravity!!!
Re-reading this post brought everything back into perspective.
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Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: Christchurch, NZ
Posts: 517
I remember being awake one morning, about 4am, pondering the wisdom of a couple of shots to get back to sleep (it seemed like a sane conversation to be having with myself at the time 😂
I could hear the recycling truck come up the street and the gentle sound of 'pisssshhhhhh' as the neighbors bins went in the truck.
Then it picked up our bin and there was this 110 decibel symphony of tumbling glass, then breaking glass. It sounded like a bomb had just gone off.
Note to self, must switch to drinking cans to prevent 4am glass bombings.
Took those shots, passed out for the 2nd time in 8 hours and bought cans from then on.
Problem solved.
Oh the insanity 😳
I could hear the recycling truck come up the street and the gentle sound of 'pisssshhhhhh' as the neighbors bins went in the truck.
Then it picked up our bin and there was this 110 decibel symphony of tumbling glass, then breaking glass. It sounded like a bomb had just gone off.
Note to self, must switch to drinking cans to prevent 4am glass bombings.
Took those shots, passed out for the 2nd time in 8 hours and bought cans from then on.
Problem solved.
Oh the insanity 😳
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
OMG I laughed hard at this. Aloud.
Glass shattering and picking the right solution - I was an expert.
I like sparkling lime flavored water and finally tried Topo Chico. Which is in bottles. Handy 4 packs. I never drank bottled beer (well, I DID but y'all prob know what I mean ) - but it was a little weird the first time we bought some and it was in the fridge. I actually didn't have one for like 2 wks and usually I go through (too) many a day! It was awesome, however, that it took both my husband and I to find a bottle opener.
Glass shattering and picking the right solution - I was an expert.
I like sparkling lime flavored water and finally tried Topo Chico. Which is in bottles. Handy 4 packs. I never drank bottled beer (well, I DID but y'all prob know what I mean ) - but it was a little weird the first time we bought some and it was in the fridge. I actually didn't have one for like 2 wks and usually I go through (too) many a day! It was awesome, however, that it took both my husband and I to find a bottle opener.
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