Struggle admitting it
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2018
Posts: 53
Struggle admitting it
I realize I have difficulty admitting Im an alcoholic, especially in public. Just feel a lot of shame around it. I go to aa and can’t get myself to share about my struggles. I need to get over this hump and quit trying to keep everything a secret.
I don't talk about my alcoholism with friends/family because it's a very personal journey to me. However, I would think that discussing your alcoholism in AA meetings would be a safe environment.
I was not able to share in AA meetings either. I went for a few months but I just couldn't get past the intrusive feeling of listening to other peoples' horror stories. There was no way I was going to share personal intimate details of my life or my drinking history in a room full of people from my community. Nope.
Have you thought about maybe some one-to-one therapy or talking to a clergy member? That would be confidential.
Have you thought about maybe some one-to-one therapy or talking to a clergy member? That would be confidential.
I hear ya. The first few years I would not tell anyone, not in AA, I am an alcoholic.
But once I got some years behind me, I don't mind telling people at all.
I think a lot of people realize it when I don't drink at social events.
I've been sober nine and a half years, so I've had some time to get used to the fact that I'm an alcoholic.
Maybe that's why it doesn't bother me.
But, I've told all my friends and family with, I want to say pride, but without shame that I'm an alcoholic.
Sharing at meeting, on the other hand, was a thing I could just not do.
I don't know why. Or when I did share it was very brief.
I just don't feel comfortable doing it.
I'm more of a listener anyway.
Once you get some time behind you I think things will take a natural progression and you'll feel better about it.
Best to you.
But once I got some years behind me, I don't mind telling people at all.
I think a lot of people realize it when I don't drink at social events.
I've been sober nine and a half years, so I've had some time to get used to the fact that I'm an alcoholic.
Maybe that's why it doesn't bother me.
But, I've told all my friends and family with, I want to say pride, but without shame that I'm an alcoholic.
Sharing at meeting, on the other hand, was a thing I could just not do.
I don't know why. Or when I did share it was very brief.
I just don't feel comfortable doing it.
I'm more of a listener anyway.
Once you get some time behind you I think things will take a natural progression and you'll feel better about it.
Best to you.
For my first month at rehab each time someone new came (which was almost daily) we had to go round the group and introduce ourselves, I just couldn’t say Hi, I’m mantady and I am an alcoholic”. I used to say “I am here for alcohol”. Eventually after many AA and NA meetings alongside the daily sessions I managed to refer to myself as an alcoholic. It was really hard to say those words so I get how you feel. x
the suggestion, straight from the book, in AA meetings is to share in general terms. if you find yourself in a meeting with tons of shares about intimate horror stories, it might be a good idea to check out other meetings where there is more focus on the suggested solution.
another suggestion is to connect with a couple of folks you feel an affinity with and build a more intimately-sharing connection.
and of course if you had/have a sponsor, there is usually a more personal and open relationship there.
other than in very general and very short terms, i don't share in meetings about my private struggles.
another suggestion is to connect with a couple of folks you feel an affinity with and build a more intimately-sharing connection.
and of course if you had/have a sponsor, there is usually a more personal and open relationship there.
other than in very general and very short terms, i don't share in meetings about my private struggles.
For my first month at rehab each time someone new came (which was almost daily) we had to go round the group and introduce ourselves, I just couldn’t say Hi, I’m mantady and I am an alcoholic”. I used to say “I am here for alcohol”. Eventually after many AA and NA meetings alongside the daily sessions I managed to refer to myself as an alcoholic. It was really hard to say those words so I get how you feel. x
Guener, I absolutely here you there! There was a snobbery from heroin/crack addicts who looked down on you as you weren’t a proper addict, not like them and we were just imposters. That did change the longer they were there though as they soon were shown different.
Sorry peeps, we got off topic there! x
Sorry peeps, we got off topic there! x
Member
Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 108
I guess I’m different. I really don’t mind when people ask me about it or it comes up. I could talk at length about what I went through and how I got through it. Could be that I have my blinders on and people are thinking how messed up I am but I don’t care. I’m proud that I have overcome this horrific obstacle. Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. And it almost did. Afterthought; I work with two ex heroin addicts and they think quitting drinking is much harder; it’s everywhere you go.
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Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 245
You can be honest in AA (I'm not a big fan of it). However, you don't have to go around saying "I'm an alcoholic". If someone asks why you're not drinking, you can just say you're a terrible drinker (Technically, that's true).
To be honest, maybe besides your loved ones, no one cares about your drinking habits. People are just curious, that's all. Even if they figure it out, they will hardly care.
I think the real challenge is, to be honest with yourself. If you know you are an alcoholic and need to get and be sober, that's good enough.
To be honest, maybe besides your loved ones, no one cares about your drinking habits. People are just curious, that's all. Even if they figure it out, they will hardly care.
I think the real challenge is, to be honest with yourself. If you know you are an alcoholic and need to get and be sober, that's good enough.
UI understand about not being secretive. That was my watchword when drinking- hiding, lying, avoiding....
BUT not telling others about our alcoholism? Need to know IMO. The label of 'alcoholic' was one I avoided for years, and the self imposed shame and stigma I attached to it did not help.
NOW- I believe saying it, that I am an alcoholic is empowering. BUT I do not shout it to the world. For a time- I was a boy scout and was honest to everyone about everything. But after a time- I began to share my past as needed.
Support to you.
BUT not telling others about our alcoholism? Need to know IMO. The label of 'alcoholic' was one I avoided for years, and the self imposed shame and stigma I attached to it did not help.
NOW- I believe saying it, that I am an alcoholic is empowering. BUT I do not shout it to the world. For a time- I was a boy scout and was honest to everyone about everything. But after a time- I began to share my past as needed.
Support to you.
I told everybody when I quit - but I didn't have to do that.
Public declarations are not a prerequisite for change.
Admit it to yourself privately - that you can do - and put your shoulder to the wheel bluedog
D
Public declarations are not a prerequisite for change.
Admit it to yourself privately - that you can do - and put your shoulder to the wheel bluedog
D
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: Christchurch, NZ
Posts: 517
Understanding alcoholism is a good way to let go of the shame.
If someone has an allergy to a food, no embarrassment, no shame .... they just cannot eat whatever it is (Peanuts, eggs, seafood etc)
An "allergy" is simply an abnormal reaction to a food, drink, substance, pollen and so on.
So in our case, the abnormal reaction is that our bodies crave more alcohol once we commence to drink.
Regular drinkers don't get this. Ask someone you know who drinks moderately if they seem to get an "unquenchable thirst" .... they'll probably look at you funny before saying "Ummm, No, if I drink too much I start to feel sick, so I don't"
There problem is pretty much the opposite.
So just like an allergy sufferer, or someone with diabetes ..... you didn't ask for this allergy to come along ..... it just is. No shame.
If someone has an allergy to a food, no embarrassment, no shame .... they just cannot eat whatever it is (Peanuts, eggs, seafood etc)
An "allergy" is simply an abnormal reaction to a food, drink, substance, pollen and so on.
So in our case, the abnormal reaction is that our bodies crave more alcohol once we commence to drink.
Regular drinkers don't get this. Ask someone you know who drinks moderately if they seem to get an "unquenchable thirst" .... they'll probably look at you funny before saying "Ummm, No, if I drink too much I start to feel sick, so I don't"
There problem is pretty much the opposite.
So just like an allergy sufferer, or someone with diabetes ..... you didn't ask for this allergy to come along ..... it just is. No shame.
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Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
I didn't and don't publicly proclaim the 'why' I no longer drink. People I care about/care about me and my well being know 'why'. As for AA..I was court ordered after joining here 2yrs or so prior looking to stop and could not wait to get my crap out in the open, to like minded/struggling folks. HUGE wight lifted and doing so put me on the path I'm on. I'm not an avid AA'er,but just getting the 'why I did what I did' off my chest to some stranger's faces/judgments helped(I call it 'owning my BS actions/inactions')... I also hit a couple 1/1 therapy sessions with a lady that focused on addiction recovery.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2018
Posts: 53
Thanks for the replies everyone. I can really relate to them. I know of a small AA meeting Monday I’m going to go to and I’m going to confess I’m an alcoholic and how I’m feeling. Funny how we try to hide it from others, even in a place like AA. I’m ready to do this.
Thanks for checking in Dee. I’m feeling better but not great. Still sober getting ready to watch a football game.
Thanks for checking in Dee. I’m feeling better but not great. Still sober getting ready to watch a football game.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
Thanks for the replies everyone. I can really relate to them. I know of a small AA meeting Monday I’m going to go to and I’m going to confess I’m an alcoholic and how I’m feeling. Funny how we try to hide it from others, even in a place like AA. I’m ready to do this.
Thanks for checking in Dee. I’m feeling better but not great. Still sober getting ready to watch a football game.
Thanks for checking in Dee. I’m feeling better but not great. Still sober getting ready to watch a football game.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 33
it always seems shameful admitting that you are "less than" or not in control.
but those close to you already know. it is SO freeing to bite the bullet and just say something along the lines of "I have a problem with X".
you will see the relief in their face and you will feel a million times lighter. you do not have to elaborate.
if they are closer enough to you, imho, you can sketch out your plan for recovery. not so much that it puts them in a position of responsibility (your recovery, your responsibility).
it's tough, but totally worth it if you are serious
but those close to you already know. it is SO freeing to bite the bullet and just say something along the lines of "I have a problem with X".
you will see the relief in their face and you will feel a million times lighter. you do not have to elaborate.
if they are closer enough to you, imho, you can sketch out your plan for recovery. not so much that it puts them in a position of responsibility (your recovery, your responsibility).
it's tough, but totally worth it if you are serious
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