Does your spouse or significant other still drink?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 83
Does your spouse or significant other still drink?
My husband drinks almost daily and I have asked him several times over the years to quit with me.
Can I still be successful at being a non drinker when my spouse drinks?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,429
Yes--many of us here have spouses who still drink, myself included. Not always easy, but do-able.
Focus on yourself and your recovery, and you may end leading by example,
but don't try to control their drinking or it will backfire.
Good luck!
Focus on yourself and your recovery, and you may end leading by example,
but don't try to control their drinking or it will backfire.
Good luck!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,510
Yes, you can. It might be a bit more challenging, but you can do it. Can you escape to a different part of the home while your husband is drinking? I hope that he will follow your example at some point.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 1,312
Mine drinks alcoholiclly. I’m only 4.5 months in and it’s hard. I escape to other parts of the house and just focus on me: watch my own tv, read, hang out with the kids. I don’t engage with him when he’s drinking.
The good news is that we are no longer the party house and don’t host our drinking friends at all anymore. He’s sad about that but I’m ok with it.
The good news is that we are no longer the party house and don’t host our drinking friends at all anymore. He’s sad about that but I’m ok with it.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 4,217
It's best to let him walk his own path even though in a perfect world, he would quit right along with you.
My husband did not stop drinking during my initial 18 months of trying to get sober. Some of it was really hard but I did manage some long stretches on my own. Now he's sober as well but that's something he decided for himself. I will admit that it became much easier to stop when he was also sober.
Having said that, I think a lot of people here have partners who still drink. Keep in mind that it's your addiction and your journey, not his. He is the only one who can choose to stop.
Good luck to you- get as much support as you can to do this.
My husband did not stop drinking during my initial 18 months of trying to get sober. Some of it was really hard but I did manage some long stretches on my own. Now he's sober as well but that's something he decided for himself. I will admit that it became much easier to stop when he was also sober.
Having said that, I think a lot of people here have partners who still drink. Keep in mind that it's your addiction and your journey, not his. He is the only one who can choose to stop.
Good luck to you- get as much support as you can to do this.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
I'm very lucky that my wife is extremely supportive and a "good girl". She doesn't drink, doesn't smoke, never did drugs. Lives like a nun (no offense to nuns). During the summer she'll have a beer on a friday afternoon or a glass a wine at Thanksgiving and Xmas. That's it.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 1,462
My wife drinks on the rare occasion. I do believe she limits drinking around me. She is very appreciative of the sober me. I do believe she lives with some worry that I will fall someday. The respect and love for my family has gotten me through temptation many times.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 452
My wife still drinks and pretty heavily. I have been abstinent for a year. She does a very stressful job dealing in tragedy most of the time (lawyer) .. and uses wine to relax and forget even temporarily. The key thing is that wine does not change her behaviour or personality, she just gets a bit mashed and then goes to bed. She can also stop if she wants, for many weeks at a time. So, her drinking does not bother me.
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,823
Can I still be successful at being a non drinker when my spouse drinks?
Yes , absolutely do-able.
You could also succeed in talking yourself into continuing to drink and blame it on someone else's drinking, but that is really just talking yourself into continuing to drink, yeah ?
Point being you can be successful in either vien, which do you choose ?
Yes , absolutely do-able.
You could also succeed in talking yourself into continuing to drink and blame it on someone else's drinking, but that is really just talking yourself into continuing to drink, yeah ?
Point being you can be successful in either vien, which do you choose ?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 64
My husband and I spent 38 years drinking together. We were drinking buddies. At first it was fun. We were young and invincible. As time went on, that was not the case. We both slid into alcoholic drinking. I stopped after many failed attempts. He did not.
It has been 23 months since my last drink. I am done, done, done! He is not.
As time goes on I find myself being much less tolerable towards his drinking. I can't be around him when he drinks. I do not ever want to drink because of it. I am just sad that he seems unable to get to the point where he could realize what alcohol is doing to him. He still thinks he can moderate. (He can't. It is bad.) I finally realized that moderation was just more pain. I love being free of alcohol.
So, yes, my husband drinks and I do not. I think he is proud of me for stopping, but he misses his drinking buddy and it was easier for him to continue with his drinking with me beside him.
I will stay the course and hope he will jump on this journey.
It has been 23 months since my last drink. I am done, done, done! He is not.
As time goes on I find myself being much less tolerable towards his drinking. I can't be around him when he drinks. I do not ever want to drink because of it. I am just sad that he seems unable to get to the point where he could realize what alcohol is doing to him. He still thinks he can moderate. (He can't. It is bad.) I finally realized that moderation was just more pain. I love being free of alcohol.
So, yes, my husband drinks and I do not. I think he is proud of me for stopping, but he misses his drinking buddy and it was easier for him to continue with his drinking with me beside him.
I will stay the course and hope he will jump on this journey.
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