Relapse
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2018
Posts: 1
Relapse
Hey guys,
I would have been 3 years sober tommorow (Halloween) and I'm gonna try to make another go for it. I'm drunk now but maybe when tomorrow hits I'll be able to go through it. The worst part is that the bottle has itsi claws so deep in me I don't even care too much for getting sober even though it's destroying me from the inside out. Im 31 and I just recently tried joining the Army and Navy and theyret pretty much rejecting me because of my criminal background. Dui, possession of marijuana and battery......... they told me I'd have to interview with thier commanding officer but it's a long shot for a waiver. I'm also in school for engineering but I feel that my grades will slip soon if I don't get a hold of this. But what do you do when you hate yourself so much for all the bad things you did in life and the only thing that makes you feel better is vodka? I'm not a bad person... I'm just a lonely black drunk.
I would have been 3 years sober tommorow (Halloween) and I'm gonna try to make another go for it. I'm drunk now but maybe when tomorrow hits I'll be able to go through it. The worst part is that the bottle has itsi claws so deep in me I don't even care too much for getting sober even though it's destroying me from the inside out. Im 31 and I just recently tried joining the Army and Navy and theyret pretty much rejecting me because of my criminal background. Dui, possession of marijuana and battery......... they told me I'd have to interview with thier commanding officer but it's a long shot for a waiver. I'm also in school for engineering but I feel that my grades will slip soon if I don't get a hold of this. But what do you do when you hate yourself so much for all the bad things you did in life and the only thing that makes you feel better is vodka? I'm not a bad person... I'm just a lonely black drunk.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome to SR Gregory. Alcohol can definitely make you lonely, I know I was lonely for many years due to my drinking. If you were sober for 3 years then you know you can definitely turn things around - why not throw out/dump out what you have right now and get some rest?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2018
Location: UK
Posts: 431
Gregory sorry about the relapse and wish the best in making it a short one.
You have to forgive yourself for any bad stuff in the past. The important thing is to determine not to repeat it.
The fact that the senior officer would talk to you sounds like you have a chance with army.
You have to forgive yourself for any bad stuff in the past. The important thing is to determine not to repeat it.
The fact that the senior officer would talk to you sounds like you have a chance with army.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 2,872
Hello and welcome.
I don't know anyone who doesn't have things in their past they regret. We can't change the past, so there's no use in reliving it.
But, I understand your situation. I was drunk for thirty years. The only thing that made me feel better was booze, too.
And, no, you're not a bad person for drinking. I felt the same guilt when I was drinking. I felt like a bad person, too. But in reality, I just had a drinking problem.
For a long time.
You had three years and that's great. You know you can quit.
Why not start over now?
I feel for you. I've had long periods of sobriety and drank, too. It felt awful and made me feel like an awful person.
You're not alone. You'll find a lot of support here. So stick around
Best to you.
I don't know anyone who doesn't have things in their past they regret. We can't change the past, so there's no use in reliving it.
But, I understand your situation. I was drunk for thirty years. The only thing that made me feel better was booze, too.
And, no, you're not a bad person for drinking. I felt the same guilt when I was drinking. I felt like a bad person, too. But in reality, I just had a drinking problem.
For a long time.
You had three years and that's great. You know you can quit.
Why not start over now?
I feel for you. I've had long periods of sobriety and drank, too. It felt awful and made me feel like an awful person.
You're not alone. You'll find a lot of support here. So stick around
Best to you.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,492
Welcome, Gregory!
I think you need to know that alcohol doesn't make you feel better. Alcohol has convinced you of that, but the reality is that alcohol is a depressant. It also causes isolation in our lives.
As well, I think you need to work on forgiving yourself. It's exhausting and demoralizing to carry around the shame and guilt that alcoholism has caused you. Letting go of the hatred you feel for yourself will help you to get sober and to stay sober.
I think you need to know that alcohol doesn't make you feel better. Alcohol has convinced you of that, but the reality is that alcohol is a depressant. It also causes isolation in our lives.
As well, I think you need to work on forgiving yourself. It's exhausting and demoralizing to carry around the shame and guilt that alcoholism has caused you. Letting go of the hatred you feel for yourself will help you to get sober and to stay sober.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 71
Oh Greg.. don’t beat yourself up man... You’re still young and you literally can turn this thing around if you want succeed for the rest of your life.... Right now .. pour the rest out... start detoxing now..... drink plenty of water... I find hot tea for me all day long if you have to help curb the cravings.. this works for me... However, get a handle now right now ok!!! Don’t self-pity don’t... Pick yourself up and get rolling with all the things you want to accomplish if one door closes another one will open... No feeling sorry for yourself ok. Stay on this site and read other accounts and you’ll find life is not that bad... Good luck Greg you got this 😊
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
Welcome aboard Gregory!
So todays the first day you drank again after 3 years? you can turn that around man - heck you can turn it around even if it's not the first day today
Persistence pays off - that's how we make our dreams come true. Drinking is the opposite of persistence - it's running away.
stop running - you can do this
D
So todays the first day you drank again after 3 years? you can turn that around man - heck you can turn it around even if it's not the first day today
Persistence pays off - that's how we make our dreams come true. Drinking is the opposite of persistence - it's running away.
stop running - you can do this
D
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: St.Petersburg, FL.
Posts: 1,077
Welcome, Gregory. I know the feeling of relapse after long-term sobriety. I started drinking after 15 years of sobriety. I got complacent; I thought I could handle it, that I was strong and had the bottle under control--how wrong I was! I now have two years, 10 months of sober time, so I'm right about where you were; don't be angry with yourself. All that sobriety wasn't wasted, but get right back up and don't drink anymore--make your relapse a learning experience. I am very glad you're here; SR has been a vital part of my sobriety and I hope you stick around with us.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Right here, right now
Posts: 3,971
Hi Gregory, please don’t beat yourself up. We’ve all done bad things from drinking. The alcohol makes everyone lonely, anxious and depressed. You had three years of sobriety? That is terrific! All that time is not lost. Just pick yourself right back up again. You are going through a hard time right now. But drinking will only make it worse.
Hope to see you around here.
Hope to see you around here.
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