Nikkabean326

Does anyone feel this way? I'm a year and five months-ish into my sobriety and I hate being alone.

Don't get me wrong - I'm doing well. I bought my first house, got a $1.25 per hour raise at work, learned how to crochet *and* started up my own business on Etsy. I have great plans for the business and I'm hoping I can turn it into something lucrative at some point. No hangovers, no blackouts, no fights with my BF. I was asked to be a bridesmaid in two of my best friends wedding. Things are going great.

But I still hate being alone. When my BF is out of the house, it can be a major trigger for me. That was the time I'd drink with no reservations. I didn't have anyone peering over at me and scolding me for pouring another drink. I'd start early and it'd last all day long. I'd even brush my teeth to keep from having another drink and I'd still get some shots in right before he came home.

I'm here writing being he's out of the house right now and I'm just feeling frustrated and sad. I don't know. A friend came over from 11am til about 4pm this afternoon. We had a great time. Ordered pizza, watched a new series on Netflix, laughed a lot.. When she left, I immersed myself in a new crochet pattern. I picked it up quicker than I thought and have been working on it on and off. He finally texted to let me know he's on his way home, but he has a 90 minute commute between leaving and dropping his friend off. Ugh.

Anyone else don't like being alone? I know I'm not going to drink. I love my life too much to do something stupid like that. I just wish I could get over this horrible loneliness when I'm home like this.

LoveHateWhine

Hey there Nikkabean. Thanks for your post! I’m right there with you. I don’t like being alone and I unfortunately spend a great deal of time alone. It’s during those times that I was drinking the most. On the other hand, if I spend too much time around people I can’t wait to be alone, so I’m kind of stuck in between there.. I am seeing a therapist for another matter and this topic has started to come up n our session.

Anyway just wanted to let you know you were definitely not alone in the situation (no pun intended!)

teatreeoil007

Hi there, friend. I don't struggle too much with not liking to be alone right now, but I remember a time when I did. I've changed over the years and I love my quiet alone time. I know there are many folks like you who don't like to be alone. I think it's great your friend came over.

Do you have a dog or another pet to keep you company when you feel lonely? They think having a dog raises your serotonin levels too.

Bekindalways

I actually love being alone but it is a bit like heroin; it can take me down pretty fast.

I'm just over two months without drinking and staying with an aunt right now. She complains a lot which is kind of a downer. After a vitriolic episode of complaining, I've retired to my bedroom with my tonic water, a reproduction corset I'm sewing and an unwatched episode of Poldark.

Thanks for providing a bit of company in the handwork department!

Maudcat

I wish I had answers, Nikka—good hear that things are going well, btw—but I don’t.
I have never been bothered by being alone, but I have a good friend who battles feelings of loneliness, especially in the evenings.
She does all the right things, sings in a chorus, got a dog that she adores, goes to the gym, but....
It’s good that your recognize this as a trigger, and great that you have no intention of drinking.
Hang in there!

Fearlessat50

It’s interesting. I have not felt triggered from being alone. Since I’ve gotten older, I’ve enjoyed alone time. It’s other people that used to trigger me - opinionated, judgmental types, then I’d go ho,e and drink alone!

I had different triggers and those same things that used to trigger me still do. So far I have not given in when these situations come up. But it can feel overpowering at times. So I know what you mean!

I think whatever our individual triggers were, they will continue to pop up from time to time maybe even in long term sobriety. Just because we repeated these habits for so long and our brains don’t forget that easily. We just need to continue not giving in and staying strong. I am trying to do this right now with my own triggers.

Hopefully just posting here made you feel less lonely

least

It took me a while after I got sober til I felt comfortable in my own skin. I think it had to do with getting to like my own company. And I'm never really alone, I have a dog and three cats.

I hope you can find some relief just posting here.

SnazzyDresser

I love being alone myself, at least for about 90% of the time. But I'm weird. Ultimately we're all born alone and die alone of course, in some sense. I found meditation helped a lot with existential issues like dealing with loneliness, or aggravation dealing with other people.

Dee74

I used to hate being alone - it terrified me.
I was never at ease in my own company.

Recovery gave me the chance to address that. I spent time with myself, didn't
run away and I learned I wasn't the bad evil person I'd often thought I was, I was actually an OK guy.

Do you think there's a similar self loathing here Nikka - or is it just an opportunistic thing where your AV tells you its ok to drink cos noone will know?

D

Anna

Nikki, I felt the same as you did when I was drinking. When my husband was away, it was a green light for me to drink. I really didn't want to be alone. Fortunately for me, that turned around completely and, in recovery, I cherish my alone time. I don't have any advice for you, but I hope that, as time goes by, you become comfortable with yourself.

HTown

on a different note, ifyou did not have a nurturing childhood, you may use other people to self-soothe rathering than learning how to do that yourself. those childhood issues show up sometimes in weird ways.

interesting that you spent whole day with someone and still felt alone right after. you must be an extrovert for sure and recharge off of people.

so glad you are still not drinking. kudos to you

thomas11

Its been my observation that it seems there are two types of people when it comes to this subject. Those who need to be around people, and those who would rather be alone. I'd rather be alone, being around too many people for too long stresses me out.

So I kind of have a question for you, I can't relate to your dilemma because I prefer being by myself, do you ever wonder what its like for those of us who would rather NOT be around people? Total opposite ends of the spectrum.

SimplyFree

Nikka,
I struggled with loneliness, but not aloneness. With or without people it was difficult to have that empty feeling on-going inside. It got better for me when I accepted that feeling and didn’t expect it to be gone all the time. Loneliness for me was/is lacking an intimate connection. Since it seems that you have a good connected relationship, hopefully you can find relief in knowing he is thinking of you, loves you, and is excited to come home to you. The connection is alive even when you are momentarily alone.

Dee74

How are you doing Nikka?

Guener

I am one of those persons who values my alone time a lot. It gives me time to do things on my own without distraction. But sometimes I do feel lonely. I have decided to take on two kittens in a couple weeks to add companions by me that are there as comfort and to give me a sense of being responsible for more than myself.

Wastinglife

Trust me! Nikki, I know exactly how you feel. I have been trying to figure out the treatment I need for ADHD. I don't really know yet. Insomnia and anxiety are tough at my stage of life. I can't socialize with my friends or even my own family. I am 42. Only diagnosed with ADHD at 35. I score off the scales on an ADHD test. (Besides alcohol/substance abuse issues I mean)

We will all work it out!

DontRemember

Join a busy 'daily' gym/class(personal trianer?) and get on a schedule for when he's gone..Volunteer..Go to therapy(you can't really expect your happiness to depend on another person..that's not healthy), get to the "why" and 'work' through that.