Hey guys,

i just wanted to let you all know that I made it through my sister’s wedding! It wasn’t easy. I suffer from body dysmorphic disorder and I really didn’t like the way my makeup was done. I was assertive (which is really hard for me to do sober) and told her what I wanted. She refused to do it the way I wanted though. I was anxious and uncomfortable and down right pissed off. I didn’t look exactly how I wanted and I am paying this woman to make me feel beautiful. Anyways, I just tried to accept it and let it go. I’m very obsessive of how I look so this caused me to want to drink. This is how I dealt with my body/image issues in the past. I pushed through it though... it’s not about me today, it’s about my sister.

i got through my anxiety of walking down the aisle, worried about people judging how I look. I have family members there that I have had a falling out with (not alcohol related reasons). Them being there caused me heavy anxiety... again, wanting to drink. My family is full of alcoholics and I used to be one of the drunkest people at every family event. And then, there was the dreaded toast I had to make... public speaking is terrifying... public speaking when you are dead sober, in a place half filled with strangers and a group of family members just wanting you to fail has got to be the hardest thing I have faced sober to date.

Anyways... I KILLED my speech. The whole room was laughing at my jokes. My husband said one lady was crying... whether it was from the jokes or the sentiment I threw in, it doesn’t matter... but it killed. I felt like Ellen DeGeneres making everyone laugh lol 😂 then my cousin whom I have had the biggest problems with in the past pulled me on the dance floor. We danced like she used to teach me when I was a little girl. It was her way of saying “we’re ok”. The first thing she told me was, “I miss you”. I later danced with my husband... this is the first time in my adult life I danced sober... and you know what? It was a blast!! My husband pulled me close and told me “thank you”. I said “for what?” And he said “for our great life together. It’s far from perfect but it’s perfect for us”. So yeah, it was a difficult day not to drink... but you know what...that only made it that much more glorious. I thought I would be depressed at the end of this day but I am on cloud 9. These small victories all put together add up to many HUGE hurdles I just overcame. It was a good day 😊

How awesome! Congratulations!

Great story!! I’m glad you had a wonderful evening.

Thank you, D122y! That means a lot to me. I try to keep my posts short but I always end up rambling on. I used to want to be a writer for years until 1 terrifying journalism class in college that cut that dream short. So, that was nice to hear. I’m glad you could relate to my post. You all help inspire me so much, it makes me feel good if my posts can help even one person. Hope you are doing well on your journey! Keep fighting the good fight 😊