New business partner is terrific, but a heavy drinker...
 

As I've shared here before, I am in the midst of starting a firm with a partner. 6 months sober. He's a terrific attorney, well respected, great connections, honest and hard-working. However he drinks like a fish. The fact that I don't drink at all hasn't come up yet - not that I am avoiding it, just hasn't presented itself in any way. I'm in an awesome situtation with him and where our business is to start, but this is definitely something I am very aware of. That's it. Just sharing.

Hope everyone is well.

No one is coming to save me.

As long as it doesn't affect his work/the firm,that's his business. At least you know ahead of time what **can happen** when 'over drinking' happens. I swear, I'm such a better business partner/boss/friend now that I know the addicted mindset feeling/signs. It's pretty amazing what I noticed about the people around me and life in general after being sober a while and getting myself sorted. There's a lot of heavy drinkers that think they're 'normal'. Not my business,unless asked or it affects me,though.

Edit: Congrats on the new firm!

I hired a chef in the start of recovery last year. Turned out to be incredibly dishonest person. I was about one month ahead of him. By the time he left I had a pretty strong suspicion that he was drinking again, there was suddenly angst against me and a lot of shakes in the morning.

I'd honestly view someone either in early sobriety or active recovery as a ticking time bomb.

Congrats!
 

Not that I like the term, but I'd be considered someone in early recovery

I had a typo but not in what you are referring to. Active addiction was what I meant to say there. Early recovery or active addiction are both slippery in regards to dependability.

How many times have you yourself been in early recovery?


edit: I still consider myself in early recovery over 20 months in.

​​​​​​What does that term even mean? I'm recovered in my mind. I suppose I would say I'm in early permanent sobriety and for me, that's obviously a first

I also consider myself "recovered". I'm a pretty successful ex-drinker. That's just how I operated at that time in my life and I no longer do that. That's what gets me..this 'thing'(addict) is not a life long battle..just don't drink and if you do,blame no person/place/thing except yourself. If you know drinking IS/HAS 100% caused problems in your life or other's lives,it's on YOU to do something towards not being 'that person' any longer..If you do continue..again..that's YOU.


Edit: I use to laugh at that passages of Malibu guy.. "I use to be an addict..now I'm not." I thought..what a load of $hit! I now know what he's referring to.

I get it.

One of my co-workers that I have close dealings with is a heavy drinker. He knows my situation. Ever since I told him I quit he seems to find a need to talk about it all the time... or maybe since I'm sober I just notice more that that's all he talks about.

Oddly enough, just today I stopped by his office and he told me this morning he was diagnosed with Type II diabetes. We had a great conversation.

I bet, given enough time, there will come a day when your sobriety will become a valued asset to him. I mean, I know there's people that can be more functional than I was while drinking heavily... but drinking heavily is drinking heavily. It's not a matter of 'if' it will bite you somehow, just 'when.'

Best-

B

in remission. It's largely automatistic once activated by a drink or drug.

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​​​​​​Say what?

What it means is that knowing what addiction is, what it did to me, and how hard it is for me in recovery I would be weary of entering into a business situation with an addict.

That's not to say I wouldn't do it but I would be keenly aware of the train wreck that could happen at any time.

Red flags and all of that.

I understand that, appreciate it and in general I agree. But I'm also cognizant of not imposing my problems with alcohol on everyone or anyone who is a drinker, even a heavy drinker. There is a kind of puritanism in that behavior that I want to be conscious of.

Doesn't mean that I'm putting my blinders on in this situation, or in any other situation. But I'm also aware that there are plenty of people who drink heavily and yet lead successful, interesting and fulfilled lives. That certainly wasn't my journey. But I cannot pretend that there aren't people out there for who that exists.

I guess that I might try to determine if it's based on stress. The reason I mention that is, my drinking turned problematic during a very stressful work related situation where I was employed for a decade.

The stress from that job has long been gone. But the problem drinking lingered on.

But in any event, if it's a problem, it's his problem. I can't see any reason for you to be concerned about it unless it becomes a problem for the company.

The "disease" of alcoholism is in remission when one abstains. Once an alcoholic or junky picks up, all of the symptoms follow a predictable and largely uncontrollable direction. Nosology is an ever changing area of science, but at alcoholism's core I think these two things are true

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Ah, yes. Don't disagree I suppose. Hence my permanent sobriety and my unconditional rejection of the moderation model.

As to your concern, I think there's ample reason for it. However, F. Lee Baily is arguably a severe drunk who never went to law school and is/was a brilliant litigator. I wish you the very best with it.

Some really good expression of concerns above. Just to add one comment to the "early sobriety" discussion - I too described myself as in early recovery til probably close to my second year. At 2 yr going on 9 mo, I have only recently come to be accepting of my solid program as I see how it is ingrained in me, because I work it diligently. It makes me very nervous for people when, for example, they are featured in articles about sobriety in the restaurant business and they are one year, even less than 5 years, sober. I work with a recovery group in the industry and addiction is a huge problem, and happily more and more high profile and local profile chefs and owners are going public with their stories - but it's the ones with years of recovery PLUS cognizance of the daily reprieve (how AA describes it, so whatever way someone expresses it) we get.

Just like I would be wary - and truthfully, would NOT have - of dating someone in early recovery (theirs or mine) I would be acutely aware of working for or partnering with anyone in that stage. It doesn't mean I don't think they are on the right path. And as I am in AA, taking someone else's inventory on that or anything else isn't my business. I would put my concerns and decisions under the umbrella of making the next right choice for my own good.

There is a whole lot that we encounter in sobriety! You know that well, less, and are on a good path now as far as I can merely observe. I have learned to trust my intuition, gut, whatever you call it, more and more as I go along.

Good luck and decision making with this new opportunity. Glad you are here to share and ponder as you need to!

I always appreciate your input and thoughts. But, much like your comment about dating someone in early recovery, I responded to similar sentiments on this site by saying that we can't always control what life brings us. I'm almost 7 months sober and in the past 2 years have gotten married, had a child and now I'm starting my own business. I don't have time to wait to get deeper into my sobriety before I deal with, enjoy and confront the journey that my life is taking.

Being cognizant and aware is one thing, and I completely agree with you. But my partner's drinking has nothing to do with my sobriety. If it affects his output or production, that's business related issue that I will have to confront. However there are plenty of heavy drinkers who are successful businessmen and successes in other ways. My drinking, for me, was not compatible with a life that I wanted to live. But I am not going to judge others who choose to drink and live their lives. My concerns and awareness will be present though.

And finally I don't consider myself in recovery. I'm recovered and sober for life.