Kath50

least

I can only speak for myself, but just having one drink would put me on the slippery slope and I'm afraid to go there.

Ghostlight1

Nope. Never have.
I am a real alcoholic. One drink for me would lead me to a three day bender. Then, right back to where I left off. This much I know.

If you can have a few then stop, more power to you.
I can't.

Hawkeye13

I could do that too--repeatedly over several weeks or months.
But eventually it crept up on me again, and moderation became less and less moderate.

In your heart you know if you have a problem.
I knew it but so much wanted to be able to drink socially I ignored the truth and kept trying.

Your mileage may vary, but chances are the good times won't last.

Kath50

NerfThis

Plenty of people here have done the same.

I am 85 days sober. I quit because I had too many weekend occasions where I'd drink a lot on Friday, feel like I needed to drink on Saturday to kill the hangover, drink on Sunday then wake up depressed and anxious on Monday, trying not to have one drink to ease the pain.

I was also fully capable of going for dinner, having one cocktail with no desire for more. Had plenty of days where I didn't want or need to drink at all, or didn't need to drink more after having one. I only drank alcoholically on a few occasions.

Unfortunately, those few occasions where I'd drink like a maniac on the weekend were enough that I had to quit for good. Leaving the door open a little bit for 'sensible cocktails' means you'll one day kick the door wide open and wake up days later with crippling guilt. Don't fool yourself that you can drink normally just because you can sometimes. Everyone here could at some point, but it will get progressively worse. Stop now while you're aware of the problem rather than when you're too far in to turn back. You'll notice the alcoholic drinking days will only become more and more frequent. Mine did. I wasted far too much time trying to moderate and understand why sometimes I drank normally and other times didn't. The fact is I didn't always drink normally, so that was enough to know I can't drink at all.

GreenSweater

I have relapsed many times. It is always just like this. A long period with no drinking, then a couple of seemingly "normal" nights of 1-2 drinks. Then it slowly builds back up until I am back to the place where I want to quit again.

I would not be fooled. It's just your AV playing tricks. Contrary to the common stereotype, many alcoholics, including myself, can have "just one" on the rare night. But do you think you are likely to be successful moderating in the long term?

NerfThis

I just saw your comment where you said you'll go back to sparkling water from now on, which I think is best.

Fearlessat50

Ditto

Fearlessat50

My proble was also drinking alone in isolation. My relapses involved going out with friends and having one drink or no drinks, then after a couple of weeks, I’d say ef this and feel annoyed I couldn’t have more with my friends and then get bombed at home alone later or the next day, since that’s what I had become conditioned to doing before. I know what you are saying. But I don’t think old alcohol habits die. I think we just end up going back to them. Alcohol causes chemical changes in the brain that keeps these repeat cycles going. What I also believe and I think most studies show now, is that alcohol is no good for us in any amount anyway, so why have any at all? It’s like the new tobacco, really. Just my two cents.

SnazzyDresser

That's akin to surviving a round of Russian Roulette and thinking what a cool misunderstood game it is, what a great hobby it'll make!

Hevyn

I'm glad you posted, Kath.

I have to agree with the others - any success I had with moderation led to heavy drinking eventually. Each time, it was harder to get back on track. The last time I tried being a social drinker I caused a lot of trouble for myself. Not worth the risk.

Dee74

The times I drank and nothing bad happened were the most dangerous for me because I'd forget all about the hundreds of times I drank and bad stuff did happen...

I'd start questioning if I was an alcoholic or maybe my time off drinking reset me...

it never did.

It would be much easier if every time I drank I ended up in a three week bender...but its more insidious than that.

It would be clearer if everytime I was around alcohol I wanted to drink, but again - more insidious than that..

Over time, we can get less vigiliant - 'why not' is not a question many of us would give time to in the early weeks because the memory of our drinking is fresh and maybe even still a little raw...

but a few weeks on and we can forget that.

The return to my normal pattern of drinking was sometimes slow sometimes fast - but it was inevitable Kath

Having a partner who perhaps doesn't really understand addiction is one thing...but letting our addicted self take advantage of that is another.

I hope you can stop giving yourself permission to drink and go back to sparkling water or whatever.
Drinking never ends well for folks like us , Kath..

August252015

Why did you quit in the first place, Kath?

suki44883

Cunning, baffling and powerful. Such is alcoholism. Many, many of us did the exact same thing you did, and then questioned whether or not we were truly alcoholics. However, it wasn't long before we learned the answer to that question.

As others have said, you may be able to have a drink or two here and there without consequence...for a while. Unfortunately, the times between having a drink or two become less and less, and eventually, you will wind up back where you were when you first decided to quit drinking.

I hope you decide not to drink again. You really aren't missing anything by not drinking except more misery.

sugarbear1

That was my experience, too.

I was born with something that gives me alcoholism. Alcohol was my solution. Take alcohol away and I need a new solution.

Yeah, I am an alcoholic and my brain wants me to drink.

Can you live without drinking at some point??

Your ability to drink and stop is normal. This way our brain is already planning the next drink.

If you stop drinking and life gets better, then maybe alcohol was the problem, so don't drink it.

If you stop drinking and life gets worse, you might be suffering from untreated alcoholism. The steps of AA helped me with this.

What made you drink to begin with?

SimplyFree

One is too many for me. I know it would put me right back where I was when I wanted to quit......ashamed and feeling manipulated by alcohol.

Primativo

The most dangerous thing to happen when an alcoholic decides to go back to normal drinking again and has one drink, is that nothing happens. So we have another one, and then another one, and then another one, and THEN, after 6 drinks or maybe 30, something bad will happen.

I think you will know deep down that you can't drink. It is very tempting to try and control it, to question am I really an alcoholic. But nobody ends up on here by accident. You may think it is ok to drink for a night, a week, a month because it all seems normal again, but eventually if you keep drinking, you will end up in the exact same place as where you were last time or worse. The addiction is so clever, as your AV tricks you into thinking you are ok, because you had just one or two drinks and nothing bad happened. It lulls you into a false sense of security, so that you'll keep drinking, and quickly or slowly you will fall back into it's clutches.

Nobody knows an alcoholic who successfully moderated, but many of us know alcoholics who went back to drinking and are now dead.

I tried exactly what you did, I relapsed after 140 days, nothing bad happened, but I did go back to the level and speed of drinking I had previously. First glass of wine, knocked it back in minutes, I'll have another one please. And another. Got home, pick up a bottle of wine on the way back, finish that too before bed. I also had severe withdrawels/cravings/hangovers the next day. I felt truly awful for 24 hours. It took all my willpower to resist drinking again the next day to ease the pain, because I knew if I drank again the next day, my chances of entering into another week or 2 week or 3 week binge was a very real possibility, and the last time that happened I ended up in A&E with mental health issues and an inability to stop drinking. I was drinking from 4am in the morning when I'd wake, to 11pm in the night time when I'd pass out, and I'd just repeat it the next day. So yes, it took all my willpower to not drink again the next day, and I could only do that by locking myself away at home. But I won't always be that strong if I keep drinking and poking the bear, eventually I'll wake up with a hangover and I';ll succumb to a craving, pick up a drink and I will run the risk of another binge, and when that happens, well...it doesn't bare thinking about.

I don't know if I am suffering from alcoholism or whatever. Because when I don't drink, my life gets better. What I do know, is that I enjoy alcohol far too much, I enjoy getting really drunk, so I don't have 1 drink, I have to drink A LOT. The downside to drinking a lot is, I wake up the next day feeling so anxious and depressed, I have to drink again...and the cycle continues.

My only solution is not to drink at all.

lessgravity

Sigh. I don't know your story Kath but I do know mine, and many others with ones like mine - you're here because you can't control your alcohol consumption Moderation is a fools errand, an addicts dream - people without drinking problems don't moderate, they don't need to. I could be wrong but I think the sooner you realize you can't drink at all the better. I hope you can come to that conclusion in shorter time than it took me.

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Jim1958

I was just in a bar to pick up a pizza. It was late, so they offered me a drink on the house. I declined. I am afraid for me one lights the fire for more. That fact scares me.