How much did I miss?
 

As I'm folding laundry this morning after waking up sober on a beautiful Sunday I found a sheet that is unfamiliar to me. I had taken laundry that wasn't mine. It was a bunch of sheets. I returned them but today I was folding a sheet that I don't think is mine. I have a foggy recollection or maybe not, I can't tell as I've been living in a haze for so long, the doormen asking if I had missed anything when I gave back the sheets. This was months ago and to be honest I don't even know if that really even happened. I'm also not really sure if the sheet isn't mine but I don't think it is. This is my life as an alcoholic. I was living but not really living. I wasn't participating in my own life, my alcoholic self was.

That being said, how many other moments and parts of my life did I miss? It's sad that I missed out on a lot of things, most likely. I'm glad that I can be a participant in my life today. That I know what is happening and can remember things that occur. I'm lucky that I got out of my alcoholic haze. I didn't really want to when I got sober but once my head cleared I am clinging to my sobriety with all my might. Once my head cleared I realized the insanity I was living. I was playing Russian roulette with my body, mind and life.

Just needed to share my thoughts this morning. I am grateful that I remained sober last night and I will not drink today. 24 hours at a time, one day, one hour, one minute.

I'm glad you're feeling good and doing well. :)

Janis,

I try not to look at my drunk days as time lost or wasted.

If I was not a drunk, I would not have had the same experiences.

I might have gotten hit by a bus etc.

I was pretty shy as a kid/young man, but when I got the booze in me, I was a different person. I was confident and charming up to a certain point...unless I over did it.

I was uneducated about booze, I had no idea about the long term mind/personality altering effects. I work hard to teach my son. I teach my family...e.g. my mom.

"Booze alters us and it takes years to normalize. For many months, we are a chemically altered version of ourselves." This is pretty much my go to statement when trying to explain the hell of booze to someone I care for.

So, I don't look at the past as lost. I had a good time, until I stopped having a good time. I was prepared to take the risks associated with drinking. Education changed that. But, I was very lucky e.g. no dui, no domestic. (I was close a few times).

I am now well over 3 years without being drunk and while I consider my 2 shots as cracks in my armor, I feel they didn't alter my healing....except for the thought that maybe I can get away with it once in a while.

But, after each incident, SR talked me down...especially the last one. I come here out of boredom usually, and am reminded that I don't want another day 1. I don't want to read....D122y sorry for your relapse. I don't want that to ever happen.

Whatever it takes.

Thanks for the therepy on this Sunday. I am having coffee and watching fun stuff on TV. Planning on a nice workout.

Me and the wife are in a funk right now. Since being sober I have changed dramatically and I see things differently. I don't get as pissed at her as I used to and I try to see things through her point of view, but I am not going to let her railroad me.

Anyway.

Thanks.