Not always easy, not always fun
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Not always easy, not always fun
I don't have anyting all that deep or perhaps even valuable to post tonight, but I did want to post. There's no threat to my sobriety. The foundation that it's built on and that it's growing from cannot be threatened by the feelings I have tonight. However, I just wanted to say that even though there is no doubt in my mind as to my staying sober, it's not always easy and not always fun.
Recently I just had a number of social occasions with friends and family that involved drinking. I of course have abstained. Or just didn't even hang out during the social occasion. But it wasn't easy to suppress or to endure my feelings of frustration and left-outedness. And frankly it just wasn't that much fun to not be part of the fun that others were having. I don't need to remind myself of the misery and suffering that alcohol brings to me and my life, I'm certain of that already. I know I can't have the simple social fun that these others have. And generally that's okay with me. But sometimes one does feel left out and one does feel just kind of bummed. Anyhow, sober I am and sober all stay. Sending strength to all my fellow soldiers out there. Happy Saturday night.
Recently I just had a number of social occasions with friends and family that involved drinking. I of course have abstained. Or just didn't even hang out during the social occasion. But it wasn't easy to suppress or to endure my feelings of frustration and left-outedness. And frankly it just wasn't that much fun to not be part of the fun that others were having. I don't need to remind myself of the misery and suffering that alcohol brings to me and my life, I'm certain of that already. I know I can't have the simple social fun that these others have. And generally that's okay with me. But sometimes one does feel left out and one does feel just kind of bummed. Anyhow, sober I am and sober all stay. Sending strength to all my fellow soldiers out there. Happy Saturday night.
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Sorry you had such a bummer of a time.
I go out now and have a blast sober. But it's been nine and a half years since my last drink. My brain has rewired itself from equating fun and alcohol.
I wish the same for you.
I go out now and have a blast sober. But it's been nine and a half years since my last drink. My brain has rewired itself from equating fun and alcohol.
I wish the same for you.
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Hi less, I know what you mean and it’s something I’ve experienced too. For me, it has gotten easier over time. I remember you recently posted that you had your 6 month sober anniversary. Congrats again! I struggled a lot with feeling left out mostly the first year. I also felt awkward telling people I wasnt drinking since I have been private about my alcoholism. So I kept trying to come up with reasons for not drinking that didn’t include having an alcohol problem. Now everyone knows I’m a non drinker, though, so that has passed.
Over time, I’ve learned to enjoy myself more, have more fun, laugh harder and connect more with folks while being sober than drinking.
Also, I don’t know how old you are. But for me, being in my early 50’s has made a difference too. Being older and having gone through a lot of adversity and seeing a therapist occasionally has made me more confident. I know who I am now and I don’t compare myself to others or care as much about what others think of me. This has all helped me stay sober and love who I am sober.
The other thing I find is the older I’ve gotten, the more problems I see others my age or older have with alcohol, even those people just like me who didn’t have a problem in their 30’s or 40’s. It developed over time. I have friends who drink way too much, their health, marriages or careers are suffering, and they don’t think there’s a problem. At this age, I don’t see any amount of alcohol as any fun for anyone anymore. It’s all just problems. I’ve met more and more older people who have stopped drinking altogether, and everyone seems so much happier.
Over time, I’ve learned to enjoy myself more, have more fun, laugh harder and connect more with folks while being sober than drinking.
Also, I don’t know how old you are. But for me, being in my early 50’s has made a difference too. Being older and having gone through a lot of adversity and seeing a therapist occasionally has made me more confident. I know who I am now and I don’t compare myself to others or care as much about what others think of me. This has all helped me stay sober and love who I am sober.
The other thing I find is the older I’ve gotten, the more problems I see others my age or older have with alcohol, even those people just like me who didn’t have a problem in their 30’s or 40’s. It developed over time. I have friends who drink way too much, their health, marriages or careers are suffering, and they don’t think there’s a problem. At this age, I don’t see any amount of alcohol as any fun for anyone anymore. It’s all just problems. I’ve met more and more older people who have stopped drinking altogether, and everyone seems so much happier.
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I thought it was a great post also. I m finding it easy to avoid the heavy boozers I drank with , I miss their company , but a bit like the piano man song they drank with me and I them cos it Was better then drinking alone , it's when normal social events come around where people are drinking socially I'm all uptight stiff awkward and just basically counting the clock down but having read the other reply s to your post in time I suppose social events will get easier in meantime I'm keepin my phone on silent at weekends just in case I get that one call that s too tempting to resist.
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Totally relate, Less! And glad you shared. I remember some surprising agitation and, frankly, F*cking mad-ness, around some events! One notable one was a wedding weekend away in a cute mountain town where I swear everything, every store, all of it did or seemed to revolve around wine. Like, the stores with cutesy names were even "Sips & Pets" and stuff 
I was about 19 mo sober for that one!
Letting myself be aggravated or whatever, not drinking anyway, and doing what you did and not even participating in some of the "fun" were all things I tried to do, then keep moving on.
You're doing great and on the right track -like others said, there are ups and downs especially with the stuff that gets under our skin.
Keep going!
I was about 19 mo sober for that one!
Letting myself be aggravated or whatever, not drinking anyway, and doing what you did and not even participating in some of the "fun" were all things I tried to do, then keep moving on.
You're doing great and on the right track -like others said, there are ups and downs especially with the stuff that gets under our skin.
Keep going!
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Join Date: Aug 2018
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I can relate, too. Social events seem to bring out the doubts and sadness about being unable to control my alcohol intake and join in ‘the fun’. On the 2 occasions I’ve hung out with friends who drink I questioned my decision to stop drinking more than usual on the days before and right after the social event. I really don’t like these feelings and it makes me wonder if I should just avoid social situations or keep them to a minimum.
On the other hand ruminating/obsessing is part of my personality and I know I need to learn how to deal with that in a healthy way going forward so maybe avoidance isn’t the best path? I don’t know but I will keep trying to figure it out, without my old buddy alcohol.
On the other hand ruminating/obsessing is part of my personality and I know I need to learn how to deal with that in a healthy way going forward so maybe avoidance isn’t the best path? I don’t know but I will keep trying to figure it out, without my old buddy alcohol.
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Originally Posted by nez 
The longer I am sober, the more fun it is not be part of the fun. All I can say is thank god!
Today my fun is real, from within, more soul satisfying, and longer lasting than any I ever experienced from a bottle.
Today my fun is real, from within, more soul satisfying, and longer lasting than any I ever experienced from a bottle.
This is what I'm finding. I dread having to go sit around with a people who are doing nothing but drinking. I would never sit around a table for hours and do nothing. That's not me.
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What I try to remember, because I get these feelings to at social events, was how deeply unhappy I actually was when I was an active drinker.
My anxiety was off the scale, I was self medicating with alcohol, it wasn't "fun". So when I think I am missing out at social events, I actually think really all drinking is is a very temporary drug to change ones feelings and moods, but it is very temporary, and short term, and when that goes, what then? We are left wanting more, and when I was drinking at these social events, I was obsessing about how much I'd already drank, how drunk I was, when was the next drink, how much alcohol did I have at home to carry on drinking after the party, would I need to go to the shops? What would I do tomorrow morning when I woke up and felt horrible, did I have drink in the house ready for me blah blah blah.
Nah, that's not fun. Drinkers can drink. I am happy in my sober state of mind.
I tried living a life as an active drinker, I can't do it, it doesn't work for me. The short term "high" isn't worth the far longer term "low", the cost benefit ratio is far too skewed one way.
My anxiety was off the scale, I was self medicating with alcohol, it wasn't "fun". So when I think I am missing out at social events, I actually think really all drinking is is a very temporary drug to change ones feelings and moods, but it is very temporary, and short term, and when that goes, what then? We are left wanting more, and when I was drinking at these social events, I was obsessing about how much I'd already drank, how drunk I was, when was the next drink, how much alcohol did I have at home to carry on drinking after the party, would I need to go to the shops? What would I do tomorrow morning when I woke up and felt horrible, did I have drink in the house ready for me blah blah blah.
Nah, that's not fun. Drinkers can drink. I am happy in my sober state of mind.
I tried living a life as an active drinker, I can't do it, it doesn't work for me. The short term "high" isn't worth the far longer term "low", the cost benefit ratio is far too skewed one way.
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Simple reminder for myself here. Couple things came up recently, with some good friends. And although there's not an inch of me that is tempted to drink again, there are parts of me that does miss some of the easy camaraderie and fun that goes along with the social aspect of the poison.
Oh well, that season is passed, come and gone.
My life is mine, I'm clear and things could not be going any better. Knocking on wood, and then chopping the wood and carrying the water.
Oh well, that season is passed, come and gone.
My life is mine, I'm clear and things could not be going any better. Knocking on wood, and then chopping the wood and carrying the water.
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Join Date: Mar 2018
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Originally Posted by lessgravity
Simple reminder for myself here. Couple things came up recently, with some good friends. And although there's not an inch of me that is tempted to drink again, there are parts of me that does miss some of the easy camaraderie and fun that goes along with the social aspect of the poison.
Oh well, that season is passed, come and gone.
My life is mine, I'm clear and things could not be going any better. Knocking on wood, and then chopping the wood and carrying the water.
Oh well, that season is passed, come and gone.
My life is mine, I'm clear and things could not be going any better. Knocking on wood, and then chopping the wood and carrying the water.
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 293
Hi Less
I have about the same sobriety time as you and I often find your posts parallel my own experiences. Last week I was in Halifax Nova Scotia for a two day conference for work.
The first day was long and I met a lot of new people and some of them wanted to go out for drinks at the end of the day. At that point I was tired and just feeling off. If I had been able to drink I would have relaxed and really enjoyed myself with these people. Instead I bowed out and went up to my hotel room at 6:30pm! This happened both nights. I reflected on this when I got home. It made me feel a bit helpless knowing I will not be able to just slip easily into a group setting, strangers and all and feel right at home.
Luckily my deep gratitude for my sobriety out weighs a desire to ever drink again but I do understand your post. I have to feel my feelings as they come and there will be no artificial avoiding. This trip also made me realize that even though I experienced what I did my sobriety is rock solid and I have healed so much in the 6+ months I have been sober.
I have about the same sobriety time as you and I often find your posts parallel my own experiences. Last week I was in Halifax Nova Scotia for a two day conference for work.
The first day was long and I met a lot of new people and some of them wanted to go out for drinks at the end of the day. At that point I was tired and just feeling off. If I had been able to drink I would have relaxed and really enjoyed myself with these people. Instead I bowed out and went up to my hotel room at 6:30pm! This happened both nights. I reflected on this when I got home. It made me feel a bit helpless knowing I will not be able to just slip easily into a group setting, strangers and all and feel right at home.
Luckily my deep gratitude for my sobriety out weighs a desire to ever drink again but I do understand your post. I have to feel my feelings as they come and there will be no artificial avoiding. This trip also made me realize that even though I experienced what I did my sobriety is rock solid and I have healed so much in the 6+ months I have been sober.
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Originally Posted by Gettingcloser
Hi Less
I have about the same sobriety time as you and I often find your posts parallel my own experiences. Last week I was in Halifax Nova Scotia for a two day conference for work.
The first day was long and I met a lot of new people and some of them wanted to go out for drinks at the end of the day. At that point I was tired and just feeling off. If I had been able to drink I would have relaxed and really enjoyed myself with these people. Instead I bowed out and went up to my hotel room at 6:30pm! This happened both nights. I reflected on this when I got home. It made me feel a bit helpless knowing I will not be able to just slip easily into a group setting, strangers and all and feel right at home.
Luckily my deep gratitude for my sobriety out weighs a desire to ever drink again but I do understand your post. I have to feel my feelings as they come and there will be no artificial avoiding. This trip also made me realize that even though I experienced what I did my sobriety is rock solid and I have healed so much in the 6+ months I have been sober.
I have about the same sobriety time as you and I often find your posts parallel my own experiences. Last week I was in Halifax Nova Scotia for a two day conference for work.
The first day was long and I met a lot of new people and some of them wanted to go out for drinks at the end of the day. At that point I was tired and just feeling off. If I had been able to drink I would have relaxed and really enjoyed myself with these people. Instead I bowed out and went up to my hotel room at 6:30pm! This happened both nights. I reflected on this when I got home. It made me feel a bit helpless knowing I will not be able to just slip easily into a group setting, strangers and all and feel right at home.
Luckily my deep gratitude for my sobriety out weighs a desire to ever drink again but I do understand your post. I have to feel my feelings as they come and there will be no artificial avoiding. This trip also made me realize that even though I experienced what I did my sobriety is rock solid and I have healed so much in the 6+ months I have been sober.
Your post speaks to exactly how I feel, thank you for it. Too often on this site I see responses to these kind of posts by people who say things like "not everyone drinks" or "just don't go to [fill in the fun social event that involves drinking]", as if either response speaks to the truth that as sober people we miss out on certain things in life. It's not that I don't value my sobriety above everything in terms of social events etcetera. It's just that it's not easy sometimes, especially when booze is the lubricant that make things fun and even just bearable.
I can relate to your feeling tired and a little off, wanting to go home, knowing that if you had a couple you would then rally and want to hang out with the people you were with. So it goes. And there are many things that we don't get to do in life, and things change, people change, season's pass, we had to grow up. I love what I'm able to do with my life now, as it's clear you are as well. But it doesn't mean that it's always easy or always fun.
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Originally Posted by Buckley3
There must be a lot of wood and plenty of water stocked up at your place...
Much the same here.
-B
Much the same here.
-B
Yes man! I could build an outdoor sauna with all this wood and water! Keepin' on.
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Hi less, good to see you posting here to stay self aware. Last year at this time I was 9 months sober and felt the same as you going in to the holiday season. I declined a couple of parties but decided to attend a few to test myself and strengthen my resolve. I still had a little bit of that feeling while at the party. But let me tell you, when I got home, I was so proud of myself and it truly made me stronger.
Going into my second holiday season sober, I have more sober time behind me now and at don’t feel this same nostalgia around social drinking. I have other life stressors that sometimes trigger me, but with not giving in and staying the course, I am getting through this stronger also.
Even that small part of you that still sometimes misses any of “the good times” alcohol brought will diminish with more sober time. It will keep getting better.
Going into my second holiday season sober, I have more sober time behind me now and at don’t feel this same nostalgia around social drinking. I have other life stressors that sometimes trigger me, but with not giving in and staying the course, I am getting through this stronger also.
Even that small part of you that still sometimes misses any of “the good times” alcohol brought will diminish with more sober time. It will keep getting better.
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Lessgravity I want to thank you for posting my feelings. My social outings have diminished since I started down the road of sobriety. Once in a while my friends will gather for soda and cigar instead of scotch but that is happening less and less. I also want to thank you for a new word to add to my vocabulary "left-outedness". That word hits the bullseye.
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Found myself using the mantra of this post today. My wife and I had a few couple friends over, all who have young kids. Much of the conversation at times had to do with wanting to go out, missing a social life etc - everyone was happy and enjoying themselves. It's not a new refrain among new parents - so plans were made by the women to have drinks one night while the men stayed home and tended to the babies, while the guys agreed they'd also need a night out together as well. I know the easy comradere and friendly way booze lubricates, and I was envious that they all would have these times together of which I will remain an outsider. As Plato said, it is what it is. I'm never going to trade the life I have for a return to the poison - there's no threat to my permanent sobriety. But the right things in life, they aren't always easy and they aren't always fun.
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