I'm back...this time with a plan!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 104
I'm back...this time with a plan!
Hi all,
I posted here about 4 to 5 months ago. I'm a 35 year old stay at home mom with 3 little ones at home. My addiction has gotten so bad I am going to lose everything if I don't leave alcohol once and for all. Last time I was on here I was suggested AA and several other things. I was given some pretty harsh truths but I needed it. Of course...i didnt listen and went back to trying to control my drinking. Well that didn't last long! I've been looking at different ways to stay sober but for now im going to try AA again. Im going to ask for a sponsor and go from there. I have reached out to some women for support and one woman pretty much is giving me the push I need! She said she wants me to go tonight and take a picture to prove I was there. I don't know what it is about going to a meeting alone but I'm scared. But I have to do something. Im desperate! I let my family and kids down for the millionth time. Living with the pain shame and guilt is killing me. I need the support from somewhere and I'm sure not gonna get it from my family now..i don't deserve it. I can't even call them to see how they are doing im so ashamed! Just looking for some hope! How did you face your family after you've let them down again? I'm so embarrassed about everyone knowing and talking behind my back! I don't know whether to be upfront or make excuses about me not drinking as there are events coming up. My mind is going a million mph.....but it doesn't matter. The best and one only thing I can do is not pick up that first drink....i can't! Day 3 sober for me and hopefully the rest of my life! I was embarrassed to post again, but I need the support!
Thank you all for listening!
I posted here about 4 to 5 months ago. I'm a 35 year old stay at home mom with 3 little ones at home. My addiction has gotten so bad I am going to lose everything if I don't leave alcohol once and for all. Last time I was on here I was suggested AA and several other things. I was given some pretty harsh truths but I needed it. Of course...i didnt listen and went back to trying to control my drinking. Well that didn't last long! I've been looking at different ways to stay sober but for now im going to try AA again. Im going to ask for a sponsor and go from there. I have reached out to some women for support and one woman pretty much is giving me the push I need! She said she wants me to go tonight and take a picture to prove I was there. I don't know what it is about going to a meeting alone but I'm scared. But I have to do something. Im desperate! I let my family and kids down for the millionth time. Living with the pain shame and guilt is killing me. I need the support from somewhere and I'm sure not gonna get it from my family now..i don't deserve it. I can't even call them to see how they are doing im so ashamed! Just looking for some hope! How did you face your family after you've let them down again? I'm so embarrassed about everyone knowing and talking behind my back! I don't know whether to be upfront or make excuses about me not drinking as there are events coming up. My mind is going a million mph.....but it doesn't matter. The best and one only thing I can do is not pick up that first drink....i can't! Day 3 sober for me and hopefully the rest of my life! I was embarrassed to post again, but I need the support!
Thank you all for listening!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,657
Welcome Newme. There is a lot of info in the Stixky's about making a detailed plan - what to do when, why, how.
Also I remember the anacronym HALTS
If I am
Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired/thirsty
Sad or stressed - fix it or get help.
My mantra is rest, eat, hydrate.
Join some of the threads in Newcomer's....SR is a good place for me- 24/7- there is always people here.
Support to you.
Also I remember the anacronym HALTS
If I am
Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired/thirsty
Sad or stressed - fix it or get help.
My mantra is rest, eat, hydrate.
Join some of the threads in Newcomer's....SR is a good place for me- 24/7- there is always people here.
Support to you.
Ocean Lover!
Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: You know nothing Jon Snow - UK
Posts: 2,604
It takes great courage to do what you are doing Newme so be very proud of yourself! Best of luck at AA, it really isn't as scary as it seems going to the first meeting on your own, it's actually a relief when you realise it wasn't as bad as your mind made it out to be. Congrats on day 3 and just take it 1 day at a time. xx
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 104
Originally Posted by PhoenixJ 
Welcome Newme. There is a lot of info in the Stixky's about making a detailed plan - what to do when, why, how.
Also I remember the anacronym HALTS
If I am
Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired/thirsty
Sad or stressed - fix it or get help.
My mantra is rest, eat, hydrate.
Join some of the threads in Newcomer's....SR is a good place for me- 24/7- there is always people here.
Support to you.
Also I remember the anacronym HALTS
If I am
Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired/thirsty
Sad or stressed - fix it or get help.
My mantra is rest, eat, hydrate.
Join some of the threads in Newcomer's....SR is a good place for me- 24/7- there is always people here.
Support to you.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,491
Welcome back and I'm glad you have a plan.
It's really hard to face all the messes we made, especially in very early recovery. The only thing you can do is to stay on course, and show people that you are changing.
My suggestion about the upcoming events is that you do not owe anyone an explanation as to why you are not drinking. I don't think lying is right choice, and I don't think you need to tell everyone or anyone that you have stopped drinking. A simple, "no thanks" should be enough.
It's really hard to face all the messes we made, especially in very early recovery. The only thing you can do is to stay on course, and show people that you are changing.
My suggestion about the upcoming events is that you do not owe anyone an explanation as to why you are not drinking. I don't think lying is right choice, and I don't think you need to tell everyone or anyone that you have stopped drinking. A simple, "no thanks" should be enough.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 104
Originally Posted by MantaLady
It takes great courage to do what you are doing Newme so be very proud of yourself! Best of luck at AA, it really isn't as scary as it seems going to the first meeting on your own, it's actually a relief when you realise it wasn't as bad as your mind made it out to be. Congrats on day 3 and just take it 1 day at a time. xx
Ocean Lover!
Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: You know nothing Jon Snow - UK
Posts: 2,604
I know how hard it is to not be down on yourself for things done in the past but no amount of thinking and turning it over or self loathing is going to undo what has been done. Bit of a stupid analogy but makes sense to me....
There is no point in worrying and stressing about milk that was spilt yesterday. No amount of thinking is going to unspill that milk. However, all you need to concentrate on is not spilling any more milk today. With time you will have many many days worth of "I didnt spill any milk yesterday" thoughts in your positive emotional bank account, each day is a new deposit of positivity that you can make a withdrawl against in times of real need.
One day at a time, today is all that matters, not yesterday and not tomorrow. Just make yourself proud today and soon things will not feel so dark and overwhelming. xx
There is no point in worrying and stressing about milk that was spilt yesterday. No amount of thinking is going to unspill that milk. However, all you need to concentrate on is not spilling any more milk today. With time you will have many many days worth of "I didnt spill any milk yesterday" thoughts in your positive emotional bank account, each day is a new deposit of positivity that you can make a withdrawl against in times of real need.
One day at a time, today is all that matters, not yesterday and not tomorrow. Just make yourself proud today and soon things will not feel so dark and overwhelming. xx
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 104
Originally Posted by MantaLady
I know how hard it is to not be down on yourself for things done in the past but no amount of thinking and turning it over or self loathing is going to undo what has been done. Bit of a stupid analogy but makes sense to me....
There is no point in worrying and stressing about milk that was spilt yesterday. No amount of thinking is going to unspill that milk. However, all you need to concentrate on is not spilling any more milk today. With time you will have many many days worth of "I didnt spill any milk yesterday" thoughts in your positive emotional bank account, each day is a new deposit of positivity that you can make a withdrawl against in times of real need.
One day at a time, today is all that matters, not yesterday and not tomorrow. Just make yourself proud today and soon things will not feel so dark and overwhelming. xx
There is no point in worrying and stressing about milk that was spilt yesterday. No amount of thinking is going to unspill that milk. However, all you need to concentrate on is not spilling any more milk today. With time you will have many many days worth of "I didnt spill any milk yesterday" thoughts in your positive emotional bank account, each day is a new deposit of positivity that you can make a withdrawl against in times of real need.
One day at a time, today is all that matters, not yesterday and not tomorrow. Just make yourself proud today and soon things will not feel so dark and overwhelming. xx
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 104
Originally Posted by Anna
Welcome back and I'm glad you have a plan.
It's really hard to face all the messes we made, especially in very early recovery. The only thing you can do is to stay on course, and show people that you are changing.
My suggestion about the upcoming events is that you do not owe anyone an explanation as to why you are not drinking. I don't think lying is right choice, and I don't think you need to tell everyone or anyone that you have stopped drinking. A simple, "no thanks" should be enough.
It's really hard to face all the messes we made, especially in very early recovery. The only thing you can do is to stay on course, and show people that you are changing.
My suggestion about the upcoming events is that you do not owe anyone an explanation as to why you are not drinking. I don't think lying is right choice, and I don't think you need to tell everyone or anyone that you have stopped drinking. A simple, "no thanks" should be enough.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 129
I could have posted almost this exact post today. Except I have teens and not little ones. But they are still my little ones at heart.
I've struggled and am looking for help and answers....and I too came to Sober Recovery to get help.
I don't care for AA....I nearly always left AA meetings feeling worse than when I arrived. This is not normal....most other people feel better when they leave. If it makes you feel better then keep going, I believe it works for most people.
I too feel ashamed and have a hard time facing my family. They've all but given up on me, but love me anyway.
I don't have answers, but I share your sobriety date as I'm on day 3 also....let's find strength among our friends here together.
Best of luck....see you around the boards here.
I've struggled and am looking for help and answers....and I too came to Sober Recovery to get help.
I don't care for AA....I nearly always left AA meetings feeling worse than when I arrived. This is not normal....most other people feel better when they leave. If it makes you feel better then keep going, I believe it works for most people.
I too feel ashamed and have a hard time facing my family. They've all but given up on me, but love me anyway.
I don't have answers, but I share your sobriety date as I'm on day 3 also....let's find strength among our friends here together.
Best of luck....see you around the boards here.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: Chicago
Posts: 605
Originally Posted by Newme2018
Hi all,
I posted here about 4 to 5 months ago. I'm a 35 year old stay at home mom with 3 little ones at home. My addiction has gotten so bad I am going to lose everything if I don't leave alcohol once and for all. Last time I was on here I was suggested AA and several other things. I was given some pretty harsh truths but I needed it. Of course...i didnt listen and went back to trying to control my drinking. Well that didn't last long! I've been looking at different ways to stay sober but for now im going to try AA again. Im going to ask for a sponsor and go from there. I have reached out to some women for support and one woman pretty much is giving me the push I need! She said she wants me to go tonight and take a picture to prove I was there. I don't know what it is about going to a meeting alone but I'm scared. But I have to do something. Im desperate! I let my family and kids down for the millionth time. Living with the pain shame and guilt is killing me. I need the support from somewhere and I'm sure not gonna get it from my family now..i don't deserve it. I can't even call them to see how they are doing im so ashamed! Just looking for some hope! How did you face your family after you've let them down again? I'm so embarrassed about everyone knowing and talking behind my back! I don't know whether to be upfront or make excuses about me not drinking as there are events coming up. My mind is going a million mph.....but it doesn't matter. The best and one only thing I can do is not pick up that first drink....i can't! Day 3 sober for me and hopefully the rest of my life! I was embarrassed to post again, but I need the support!
Thank you all for listening!
I posted here about 4 to 5 months ago. I'm a 35 year old stay at home mom with 3 little ones at home. My addiction has gotten so bad I am going to lose everything if I don't leave alcohol once and for all. Last time I was on here I was suggested AA and several other things. I was given some pretty harsh truths but I needed it. Of course...i didnt listen and went back to trying to control my drinking. Well that didn't last long! I've been looking at different ways to stay sober but for now im going to try AA again. Im going to ask for a sponsor and go from there. I have reached out to some women for support and one woman pretty much is giving me the push I need! She said she wants me to go tonight and take a picture to prove I was there. I don't know what it is about going to a meeting alone but I'm scared. But I have to do something. Im desperate! I let my family and kids down for the millionth time. Living with the pain shame and guilt is killing me. I need the support from somewhere and I'm sure not gonna get it from my family now..i don't deserve it. I can't even call them to see how they are doing im so ashamed! Just looking for some hope! How did you face your family after you've let them down again? I'm so embarrassed about everyone knowing and talking behind my back! I don't know whether to be upfront or make excuses about me not drinking as there are events coming up. My mind is going a million mph.....but it doesn't matter. The best and one only thing I can do is not pick up that first drink....i can't! Day 3 sober for me and hopefully the rest of my life! I was embarrassed to post again, but I need the support!
Thank you all for listening!
If you want to be done then be done.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 104
Originally Posted by OtterIsland
I could have posted almost this exact post today. Except I have teens and not little ones. But they are still my little ones at heart.
I've struggled and am looking for help and answers....and I too came to Sober Recovery to get help.
I don't care for AA....I nearly always left AA meetings feeling worse than when I arrived. This is not normal....most other people feel better when they leave. If it makes you feel better then keep going, I believe it works for most people.
I too feel ashamed and have a hard time facing my family. They've all but given up on me, but love me anyway.
I don't have answers, but I share your sobriety date as I'm on day 3 also....let's find strength among our friends here together.
Best of luck....see you around the boards here.
I've struggled and am looking for help and answers....and I too came to Sober Recovery to get help.
I don't care for AA....I nearly always left AA meetings feeling worse than when I arrived. This is not normal....most other people feel better when they leave. If it makes you feel better then keep going, I believe it works for most people.
I too feel ashamed and have a hard time facing my family. They've all but given up on me, but love me anyway.
I don't have answers, but I share your sobriety date as I'm on day 3 also....let's find strength among our friends here together.
Best of luck....see you around the boards here.
have a Blessed day!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 104
Originally Posted by ljc267
This is a small thing, but in my experience using or thinking "hopefully I'm done" leaves the option to go back to drinking open. I did it a million times
If you want to be done then be done.
If you want to be done then be done.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 104
Originally Posted by thomas11
Keep in mind that a plan is just a plan. Putting into action is where the rubber meets the rode.
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