Need advice and support
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2018
Posts: 1,254
Need advice and support
Hi ive been reading the forums for a while now and have cut down my drinking but it still creeps up on me each weekend. Ive gone abut 70 days last year and felt good but slipped back to drink. My dad had a huge stroke this year do its been difficult. Im a single parent and have no friends so do get lonely. My child is my world though. I just really need help and advice on quitting for good. I dont want to drink anymore but cant seem to break the cycle.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 732
How much are you drinking? In the early days the thing that really helps me is lots of yummy food and lovely teas and juices to drink. I found that so helpful, alongside Netflix bingeing ! Then the long term plan which is trickier - as a single parent I imagine it will be difficult to get to groups?
70 days is amazing xx
70 days is amazing xx
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: St.Petersburg, FL.
Posts: 1,077
Hello, Tinkerbeau. I'm very glad you are here; SR is an excellent place for advice and support. I'm sorry about your dad; it's awful when our parents become ill.
You have a big incentive in quitting drink with your child; as a daughter of an alcoholic who became one herself it's not a good, healthy way to grow up.
Be decent and gentle to yourself--mindless tv was a great distraction for me. I've found that B complex vitamins make me feel better--alcohol depletes them from our bodies. Wishing you all the best on your sober journey.
You have a big incentive in quitting drink with your child; as a daughter of an alcoholic who became one herself it's not a good, healthy way to grow up.
Be decent and gentle to yourself--mindless tv was a great distraction for me. I've found that B complex vitamins make me feel better--alcohol depletes them from our bodies. Wishing you all the best on your sober journey.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 547
Hi Tinkerbeau. My drinking escalated when I moved house to another part of the country, I pretty much left everything behind, friends and family and it wasn't helped by the fact that I work from home, so I do sympathise with the feelings of loneliness and lack of support. I read and posted daily on SR, it was a real comfort to know of others dealing with the same problem.
I took it one day at a time, didn't look further than just that 1 day, read up on alcoholism and it's progressive nature and everytime a craving came up distracted myself. I changed my daily routine up and I ate lots of sweet stuff, it really helps with the cravings.
I was also prepared to consider doing anything to remain sober, including AA which could help you with some valuable face to face support.
Sorry to hear about your dad by the way.
I took it one day at a time, didn't look further than just that 1 day, read up on alcoholism and it's progressive nature and everytime a craving came up distracted myself. I changed my daily routine up and I ate lots of sweet stuff, it really helps with the cravings.
I was also prepared to consider doing anything to remain sober, including AA which could help you with some valuable face to face support.
Sorry to hear about your dad by the way.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2018
Posts: 1,254
Thank you for all your comments, i havn't been drinking in week but intake between 3-4 bottles of wine at a weekend. Im just sick of the constant battle, thinking it will be ok then the guilt afterwards. I've been drinking too much on and off gor 20ish years im 39 now so worried i will die early because of alcohol. I like the tips of nice food as always feel like i need a treat at weekend after week at work etc, but reward myself with the worst treat in the world...alcohol!!! So a treat meal with be something to look forward to.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: Northwest U.S.
Posts: 778
Hi Tinkerbeau. Welcome to SR. I'm sorry to hear about your dad.
Two comments. First, having a sick parent is very stressful and difficult. I am sure that this has been very difficult on you. The thing is, with addiction, there will ALWAYS be a reason to drink. I spent years of my life convincing myself that right now things were too difficult to quit, but that thing, whatever it was, would soon let up and I would stop then, only to have another thing come up. Life is that way. In the end, I wasn't really seeking a time to quit, I was just seeking a rationalization for not quitting.
Second, as a parent, one of the greatest rewards to quitting was the example I now set for my kids. I came from a long line of boozers. My family was caring and loving and great, but they all drank - a lot. I entered adulthood with this being the absolute norm - and it continued with me. I am, for the first time in generations in my family, showing and teaching my kids a different way. I am teaching them, through words and through action, that genetics plays a huge role in addiction, that our addiction genetics are really crappy, and that booze should never, ever play a major role in life. It is very rewarding for me to think that my parents and grandparents and their parents, as good and decent as they all were, could never get this one very important thing right, but I am. My kids still hate me at times and we have our struggles, but at least on that front, I'm doing right by them. You can do the same.
Good luck to you!
Two comments. First, having a sick parent is very stressful and difficult. I am sure that this has been very difficult on you. The thing is, with addiction, there will ALWAYS be a reason to drink. I spent years of my life convincing myself that right now things were too difficult to quit, but that thing, whatever it was, would soon let up and I would stop then, only to have another thing come up. Life is that way. In the end, I wasn't really seeking a time to quit, I was just seeking a rationalization for not quitting.
Second, as a parent, one of the greatest rewards to quitting was the example I now set for my kids. I came from a long line of boozers. My family was caring and loving and great, but they all drank - a lot. I entered adulthood with this being the absolute norm - and it continued with me. I am, for the first time in generations in my family, showing and teaching my kids a different way. I am teaching them, through words and through action, that genetics plays a huge role in addiction, that our addiction genetics are really crappy, and that booze should never, ever play a major role in life. It is very rewarding for me to think that my parents and grandparents and their parents, as good and decent as they all were, could never get this one very important thing right, but I am. My kids still hate me at times and we have our struggles, but at least on that front, I'm doing right by them. You can do the same.
Good luck to you!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,497
Welcome Tinker, and I'm glad you found us.
Since you know the weekends are a problem, my suggestion is to plan ahead. Make plans to be doing something specific on the weekends that will help you to avoid alcohol. I'm not sure how old your child is, but there are so many things you can do with kids on the weekend. And, as others said, do something for yourself, too.
Since you know the weekends are a problem, my suggestion is to plan ahead. Make plans to be doing something specific on the weekends that will help you to avoid alcohol. I'm not sure how old your child is, but there are so many things you can do with kids on the weekend. And, as others said, do something for yourself, too.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2018
Posts: 1,254
Hi yeah your right i need to change my routine and plan activities. Friday is only night my little one stays at grandparents so i need to do something for myself maybe i will try swimming or window shopping ?? And rest of weekend i can plan days out with my child.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 17
Hi Tinker! I’m only 29 days sober, but this time feels different for me because I’ve made some changes.
One of the first things I did was to rearrange my bedroom - sounds crazy I know! I moved the bed to a different position and just shook things up a bit. I bought some cheap new throws and cushions and brought some nice bedside lamps from downstairs. I now feel like I’ve never been in my bed with a drink inside my body and I want it to stay that way!
Netflix binges for me were a huge trigger because I used to spend most of my wine drinking and hungover time watching films and series. I now sit in bed, read and come on here! I have read a tonne of “quit lit”. My favourite was Alcohol Explained by William Porter. Also The Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray.
I’m not sure where you are, but I’m in the U.K. and both of these writers really “spoke” to me. I’m currently enjoying 3 fiction books simultaneously as well!! Haha! All this, from my new cosy retreat once I’ve tucked my children up in bed. I wouldn’t have been able to focus on a book unless I was totally sober for a good few weeks.
I tried to moderate, but ultimately I realise I just can’t do it. It’s such hard work as well. Constantly worrying about alcohol. Drinking too much/not enough/feeling hungover....exhausting.
Keep posting. We gotcha xxx
One of the first things I did was to rearrange my bedroom - sounds crazy I know! I moved the bed to a different position and just shook things up a bit. I bought some cheap new throws and cushions and brought some nice bedside lamps from downstairs. I now feel like I’ve never been in my bed with a drink inside my body and I want it to stay that way!
Netflix binges for me were a huge trigger because I used to spend most of my wine drinking and hungover time watching films and series. I now sit in bed, read and come on here! I have read a tonne of “quit lit”. My favourite was Alcohol Explained by William Porter. Also The Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray.
I’m not sure where you are, but I’m in the U.K. and both of these writers really “spoke” to me. I’m currently enjoying 3 fiction books simultaneously as well!! Haha! All this, from my new cosy retreat once I’ve tucked my children up in bed. I wouldn’t have been able to focus on a book unless I was totally sober for a good few weeks.
I tried to moderate, but ultimately I realise I just can’t do it. It’s such hard work as well. Constantly worrying about alcohol. Drinking too much/not enough/feeling hungover....exhausting.
Keep posting. We gotcha xxx
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2018
Posts: 1,254
Hi thats a really good idea to make the house look a little different, change and new starts. I've read the joy of being sober and really got everything in it but putting it in too practise has not been so easy, think i will re read and check out the other book you recommend. Im not very good at focusing on films or tv programmes when i drink so maybe if i can get into some box sets it might occupy my mind?? I defo need to find a new proper way to relax and de stress
29 days is great though well done and yes trying to moderate is just impossible and a never ending self battle its horrible i just want to be free of it
29 days is great though well done and yes trying to moderate is just impossible and a never ending self battle its horrible i just want to be free of it
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2018
Posts: 1,254
8 days
Made it to 8 days, early days but pleased with myself feel like im turning a corner. Took everyone's advice and have indulged in nice food and treats. Took my son away for night for little getaway and had a lovely time, sight seeing and eating cake. Bought some nice bits from gift shops and when i worried about cost realised it was alot better than wasting money on wine !!! Hope i can keep this up
Keep on keepin' on, it gets better.
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