I think I hit rock bottom
 

I'm 20 hours sober. This was a really rough week, I've been experiencing day time withdrawal for a few months now but it's gotten bad. I'm not a day drinker, I drink at night usually from about 6pm to 11 pm, 12-15 spiked seltzers, every day. Yesterday I was having horrible anxiety constantly on the verge of a panic attack, my heart was thumping and racing. Sometimes it would come out of no where and I'd feel like I couldn't unlock my jaw and breath.

On my way home I bought my nightly haul and an extra tallboy that I hid in my purse. When I got home I immediately hid in the shower and drank it. Within minutes I was feeling all better. I started planning how I could drink at work and throughout the day to keep the withdrawal at bay. I decided I couldn't risk ruining my life by getting caught so I bought some multi vitamins and a Gatorade to take in the morning and hoped for the best.

Today was just as bad as yesterday, constant anxiety and panic, thumping chest. So I did the unthinkable, I decided I need to get sober. This was never the plan, it's Friday, my weekend but it's 2 hours past my drinking time and I'm still riding this out sober as can be.

I hope my willpower can hold out and I hope I am able to sleep tonight. Thanks for reading.

Welcome Giggler. You can do this.

Welcome! You can most definitely do this. Please read and post often, we're here for you!

Welcome to the family. :) Yeah, when I had to drink to stave off withdrawals I knew I was bad off. :(

I hope the awesome support here can help you get sober for good. :hug:

Welcome Gig - we've all been there and it's a tough, tough place to be. That anxiety that you feel soaked in and saturated by, it fades with sobriety.

Do the work. It's worth it. And welcome again. This place can get you sober, if you let it.

You sound more than worth it. That juggling act is terrifying and siren like. I hope you'll stick, and if you can...maybe take a minute away from work and towards tangible steps in recovery....like what you did here!

Stay sober and you will have the most beautiful morning of your life tomorrow, knowing you made it when the sun comes up and don’t have a pounding hangover. The anxiety will lessen every hour ( melatonin helped me sleep at night and green tea with additional green tea vitamin supplements helped during the day, as did fancy iced coffee). Do whatever you enjoy as long as it does not involve alcohol.

You may regret drinking, but you will never regret NOT drinking. Sending positivity and support to you!

Welcome, Giggler. I'm very glad you've joined us; this is a great place for information, hope, and advice from people who really understand. I've experienced withdrawals and they are terrifying and vicious, but you never need feel them again once you achieve the freedom of life without alcohol. I hope that you stick around and post often. SR has been a vital part of my recovery. Best wishes-you can do this!

Glad you are here, this is a great beginning and ongoing supportive site filled with love and acceptance.

Welcome to SR!! Getting sober was the very best thing I've ever done, and this site has been my biggest support. Spend some time reading and posting on here.

Welcome Giggler

D

I made it through the night! I fell asleep after less than an hour of tossing and turning, which is a lot easier than I thought I would. I slept for a solid 9 hours with no issues. I'm very thankful for that.

Thanks everyone for the supportive words, I appreciate it a lot. Day 2, here we come!

Giggler - I actually did plan how I could drink at work so I wouldn't shake & get nauseated. It did not end well. Alcohol was in my system 24/7. I somehow justified it.

I'm so glad you see what needs to happen. I wish I'd stopped myself when I reached the point you're at now, but I went on for many more years - leaving a path of destruction. This won't have to be your fate. Welcome!

Welcome, Giggler. You can do this. Withdrawals can be tough in the beginning. Stick it out though, and your life will become so much better. Keep coming here for support. If the withdrawals are severe (or even if they aren’t), think about reaching out to your doctor and for additional support as well. I went to my doctor and started therapy and it helped me tremendously.

Day 3! I made it all weekend, I think the worst of the withdrawal might be over. Haven't felt on the verge of a panic attack since yesterday afternoon and with a clear mind it was a lot easier to calm myself down. I keep telling myself that if I don't go back to the booze then this is the last time I will ever have to feel like this. I'm trying to burn every uncomfortable moment into my memory so I can call on it when I think about throwing sobriety away. However the better I feel the more distant the worst of this has become.

Looking back on the panic, anxiety and heart thumping that I felt only 4 days ago, it seems like it was much longer ago.

I remember coming to SR in the past and feeling jealous to the point of resentment at all of you. You're already on the other side of quitting, how nice and wonderful your lives must be while I'm here rationing my last 7 beers to make sure they get me to bedtime.

I am so thankful now. Thankful that this forum exists, thankful for the support and inspiration that is abundant here. Thankful that I was able to take that jealousy and turn it into positive change.

Everything I come across here, good or bad, triumphs or fails, motivates me and makes me feel so grateful. Thank you all, truly!

I'd dump those 7 beers..I was told that a few years ago and thought "you people have zero idea of how hard I 'party'! a few beers are nothing" Turns out..these fine folks, indeed,did/do know how hard I was 'partying'.
I cringed when you mentioned the 'lock jaw' thing..I remember when I was stopping and had that..it sucked and was very scary!:dee

Good for you on recognizing things are spiraling out of control. Welcome to SR, lots of great people here to help you.

This is a huge first hurdle you've just crossed, nicely done!!!:c011:

That's wonderful news, Giggler. :) You never have to return to that miserable place.

Good job, Giggler!! You made it through your first weekend. That’s a major event!