I never experienced the concept of peace until I got sober

Old 10-07-2018, 07:41 PM
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I never experienced the concept of peace until I got sober

I was reading Buck's recent post and I was thinking how although I have old demons who still come knocking, there are moments and experiences that I am having sober that I don't recall ever having before.

The old demons - avoidance, procrastination, self-doubt, nerves - they come around less now that I am sober. Certainly the 3:30am utter panic hours have faded all away. But the demons still do their chatting and try to do their best. I am focused on doing the right things with my time these days. So they might visit for an afternoon but then they are gone before I have time to say f off.

What I am struck by though are these experiences I am having on the other end of the emotional/physical/mental spectrum - these transcendent moments (often just moments, though long enough that I am aware of the experience) of what I can only call, at the risk of sounding like a quack, inner-peace. These moments are filled with a quiet, sure feeling of self-trust, or universe-trust - or something I really cannot name damnit . But they happen and there is a part of me that feels, deeply, that things will be OK. That's a very, very new feeling - that no matter what, I will manage and I will be OK.

It's remarkable - I'm only 5 months sober or so, but I truly believe that I am experiencing some serious healing inside my self/person/psyche. None of this suggests that things are easy-breezy - I'm up all night with a 4 month old, I've embarked on a very risky and exciting career move, I answer all phone calls, I go to the gym before dawn almost every day of the week, candle burning on both ends etc - I am WORKING for the peace.

But it comes. And it is like nothing I've experienced before. Very, very grateful for my sobriety tonight. Very, very thankful for SR for getting me there.
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Old 10-07-2018, 08:02 PM
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That's beautifully put, LG.
Action in recovery brings great rewards and one of them is those feelings you are feeling. I've been in that spot before and it is pretty wonderful. Gratitude is so important. It 's easy to slip away from that place. Good for you and all the work you've put into it. Enjoy it!
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Old 10-07-2018, 08:08 PM
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That inner peace I get also it comes and goes very quickly. I call it a sober euphoria where you are just so happy that you know things will be alright and better than before. That is the feeling I want to grasp and hold onto forever. Whenever I think about a drink I remember that feeling and it calms my soul and I triumph over the AV. Congrats on the 5 months.
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lessgravity (10-08-2018)
Old 10-07-2018, 08:23 PM
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sounds amazing and you worked for it. I know what you mean I had 50 something days sober last year and I felt peace at least peace from the drama that active drink is :the wreckage the what i did last night, the anguish of knowing deep down that the way i had behaved had nothing to do to who i am inside. The guilt the sorrow the shame is all too much.

Alcohol is a poison not only on the body but also for my soul. Your post inspires me i want what you have.

best to you, very happy for you.
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