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I can't understand why AA is not working

Old 10-07-2018, 01:42 AM
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I can't understand why AA is not working

I don't believe God alone can stop you drinking. And as for resentments I only have a few minor ones. AA only works for one in ten. What about the 90perçent it doesn't. As for service work. I can barely look after myself due to bipolar disorders. I can't make the commitment in case I am too unwell that day. I have just felt guilt condemnation and extreme stress. Good luck to all the people it does work for.
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Old 10-07-2018, 01:48 AM
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Maybe I am breaking the rules and should have posted in the Alcoholism forum.
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Old 10-07-2018, 01:49 AM
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Sweetichick- AA for me is a tool, made up of individuals- all of whom are different and all at different stages of recovery and stories. If nothing else AA meetings gives me the opportunity to socialize...not to isolate. Not all meetings are the same- perhaps if you tried differing ones- in different areas? Women's only, daytime, who knows? Support to you.
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Old 10-07-2018, 02:08 AM
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You are right Phoenix maybe I need to be more selective about what meetings I attend.
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Old 10-07-2018, 02:21 AM
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You also need to get a sponsor and work the steps. The program of AA is working the steps. The meetings are for face-to-face support, but if you don't work the steps, you are not doing the program of AA, so it is unfair to say AA doesn't work for you.
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Old 10-07-2018, 02:27 AM
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I have been doing the steps and gone through 4 sponsors so don't say I haven't tried.
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Old 10-07-2018, 03:42 AM
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Sweetichick,

You sound pretty frustrated. Anyone who has been through four sponsors has certainly given the AA program a try. You are correct. AA does not work for everyone.


So if not AA then what can you do to maintain your sobriety? Maybe AA has a role but not as big a role in the recovery process for you. Perhaps as you said you can find an AA meeting you like and just show up at that particular meeting regularly? But just use AA as a supplement to your overall program of recovery?

I wish I was able to offer more but that's all I have. I hope you have a serene peaceful sober day.
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Old 10-07-2018, 03:46 AM
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HI sweetichick

I dunno about anyone else but for me not drinking was hard work for a while. I didn't use AA but I did use this community.

Everytime I wanted to drink I came here.


Arguing about relapse rates is useless - Relapse rates didn't bother me cos I knew I was doing everything possible not to drink.

If there's anything in your life or you head that you think is a reasonable excuse to drinking over, you have to fight that. I had to stop giving myself permission to drink.

I don't think I was anything special - if I could stay sober I think you can too - but it needs total commitment.

D
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Old 10-07-2018, 05:18 AM
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I think you know the answer to this one. Lots of other ways to quit.
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Old 10-07-2018, 05:24 AM
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SwCh- for ME (not you) I find meetings vary in their usefulness. I think on those occasions it is me- perhaps not in the mood, not ready, or tired or just pis.ed off.
I go just to listen these days..pick up stuff as I can. Even if it just an exercise in patience and learning the skill of listening- everyone has their own story to tell. Pick and choose what works for you. Dee used here.
I went to SMART, SR and AA.
What ever works.
Anything, everything- use it!
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Old 10-07-2018, 05:59 AM
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SC nothing will 'work' until you are all in. No justification, rationalization, blame. 100 % accountability.

If that is AA, then you grab on and work the program. If it isn't for you, then you find something that is. But like Dee said, if there are excuses/reasons to drink, I drank. Take all that away, and drink isn't an option.

I have a hybrid approach to quitting. I don't believe in God, which makes me kind of sad to say, but I don't. So God obviously wasn't the answer for me. Doesn't mean I haven't learned a tremendous amount in AA....mostly about owning my own shlit and growing up.

So, for me, if God wasn't the answer then what was? Well, choice. I stand between myself and a drink. I make that choice. And then build things into my life that help manage my depression and anxiety. Exercise, healthy eating (well mostly) hobbies, my furbabies, sleep. All very important to staying sober each day.

I don't drink no matter what happens, who happens or how I feel. For me that was the only way.
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Old 10-07-2018, 05:59 AM
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Don't despair; where AA is concerned, it's a wasted emotion. For me, the primary objective/imperative is to not consume alcohol. As many people have stated on this site (and elsewhere), it is a tool that if you find any merit in, simply use to your benefit. AA has a lot of really good, well intentioned people, but it also has myriad subcultures that preach and attempt to indoctrinate often to the disadvantage of others. That discussion is one for a philosophy board, lol.....anyways, I have read the book in deep read forms and among many of the "issues" is that the word sponsor is never used (the notion of another person sought to purge resentments is). Again, for me, the steps are a behavioral exercise to either redeem or invent some virtue that assist in living a more noble life...and clean. Too, there is inarguable value in the symbiotic nature of collective goals...much like here. We are all afflicted with the same problem; we all want to recover, and we all can't do it alone.


Too, I agree with D...F the stats. Drunks and junkies lie. T-Scores, Regression co-efficient, and any other scientific statistical applications are useless. The good news is that as they stand (or even if they could be reliable), they have nothing to do with our individual recovery. Best to you, for real
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Old 10-07-2018, 06:23 AM
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Maybe AA isn't for you. Give something else a try. But remember, no program in the world is going to help you unless you are determined to do whatever it takes to stay sober.
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Old 10-07-2018, 06:43 AM
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Oh, and I couldn't agree more on the god thing...arguably for me a participative god, one that chooses me, over say the 6-10 million kids who dies painful and preventable deaths every year isn't one I want to know. Sometimes the arcane methods are too much to grasp..AA, again, it's a really beautiful and often benevolent tool.
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Old 10-07-2018, 06:43 AM
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Sweeti, if AA doesn't work for you, then focus on what does work for you. You will see all kinds of ways that people work on their recovery when you look around here.
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Old 10-07-2018, 07:11 AM
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Originally Posted by Frickaflip233 View Post
SC nothing will 'work' until you are all in. No justification, rationalization, blame. 100 % accountability.

If that is AA, then you grab on and work the program. If it isn't for you, then you find something that is. But like Dee said, if there are excuses/reasons to drink, I drank. Take all that away, and drink isn't an option.

I have a hybrid approach to quitting. I don't believe in God, which makes me kind of sad to say, but I don't. So God obviously wasn't the answer for me. Doesn't mean I haven't learned a tremendous amount in AA....mostly about owning my own shlit and growing up.

So, for me, if God wasn't the answer then what was? Well, choice. I stand between myself and a drink. I make that choice. And then build things into my life that help manage my depression and anxiety. Exercise, healthy eating (well mostly) hobbies, my furbabies, sleep. All very important to staying sober each day.

I don't drink no matter what happens, who happens or how I feel. For me that was the only way.
If I understand you correctly, sobriety means a change in lifestyle. I think it is possible to get a lot out of the 12 steps but not believe in a god. Most of the steps require a change in both thinking and doing.

Sweeti, I really hope you stick with AA cause it does provide a lot of great advice on how to move on and create a healthier lifestyle, but like this poster said, it also requires changes that maybe the 12 steps don't address. Maybe look at other changes that you can make that would help you get sober. It's really hard work to make changes in your life. Just start with little things, then go from there. Good luck. John
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Old 10-07-2018, 07:17 AM
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Originally Posted by sweetichick View Post
I have been doing the steps and gone through 4 sponsors so don't say I haven't tried.
No one is saying you haven't tried. Consider that perhaps you haven't been trying the right things. Or that perhaps you haven't accepted that drinking isn't an option.

Just the other day you made a statement when you had talked to your doctor and you said that it was "your choice". That's very true - it is your choice. There is no magic pill, program, technique that will override that fact - you choose to pick up that first drink or not. The recovery method you choose to use ( or not ) really doesn't change that fact.

I needed to accept that I can not drink alcohol, in any quantity, EVER - unless I want to face the negative consequences. You know exactly what the stakes are - literally your life.
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Old 10-07-2018, 07:19 AM
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Originally Posted by Frickaflip233 View Post
Doesn't mean I haven't learned a tremendous amount in AA....mostly about owning my own shlit and growing up.
.
That was the hardest lesson I had to learn as well. Still working on it actually.
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Old 10-07-2018, 07:32 AM
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Back when I stayed drunk all the time, I used to wonder why the world wasn't working. Turns out the world was working just fine all along, go figure!
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Old 10-07-2018, 08:16 AM
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To me the single most important step in gaining lasting sobriety is to really, really take ownership of the problem. This is the essence of the first of the 12 Steps of AA or the Big Plan of Rational Recovery. Nobody else can own it for you.

Accepting ownership means acknowledging deep in your heart and soul that: 1.) Alcohol is the root of your problem, 2.) That you can only solve the problem by stopping drinking, 3.) That there are no magic bullets or pills that will make the problem go away, 4.) That nobody else can quit drinking for you, and 5.) You have to stop drinking all by yourself; it’s a lonely, difficult journey.

Sobriety comes from within.

Sure, support helps, it helps a lot, but support can only help you hold to your own commitment: A support group cannot create commitment for you. But, they can provide an environment in which you create it for yourself.
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