Awal

AH kept looking at his watch last night...8.15pm...9pm...9.15pm...
I asked why he kept doing this when all we were doing was watching tv, we had nothing planned or not expecting visitors etc. His answer was "Just checking if its time for a Jacky D yet". Turns out in his head he has to wait for the clock to hit 9.30pm before he can have a drink.
I asked why this was...if he felt like drinking at 8.15pm why didn't he just do it then? He said that's just how it is...
Has anyone else know an alcoholic to self impose such 'rules'?
The obvious clock watching confirms he was craving a drink...but why the partial self control? Has anyone else heard of or experienced this?

Dee74

I had all kinds of little rationalisations that 'proved' I wasn't an alcoholic - one of them was not starting to drink until Id had dinner, or whatever.

I'd break that declaration and then impose another (like no drinking before 5) and eventually break that too.

D

Ghostlight1

Oh yeah, the 5 O'clock drunk.
That was my uncle. And many others, I may add, if they didn't drink before a certain time than they couldn't possibly be an alcoholic.
When five o'clock hit, you should have seen my uncle go at it. Shots of vodka followed by martinis.
Elbows flying getting those shots down.

It's more common than you would think.
The cocktail hour. If you didn't drink before the cocktail hour, you couldn't possibly be an alcoholic.

Your husband is not alone. I've witnessed it in many others.

Kid50

Mine was I had to eat first. Before drinking. This in time was reduced to eatin a biscuit . Resulted in major weight loss and even more bizarre drunken behaviour

August252015

Yes- alcoholics make up all kinds of "rules" about when, where, how, with whom.....to avoid the one thing we need to do: not drink at all.

Most of us call that bargaining, usually a stage where we have started well on the path of abnormal drinking but don't want to accept that. We prove ourselves capable time and again of justifying a change in said rule(s) as we keep drinking. In r covert, or attempts at moderation that many try, we can see how out of control all of this behavior and thinking was.

Spider

Not me. Not for appx 5 years. When I pick up it, whether it be noon, midnight, sunrise, or sunset I am on a deterministic mission for absolute oblivion/pre-born state. No food-only non alc chasers to put the poison down. Intake would be appx 1.5 liters of vodka a day, and whenever I rose from wherever I passed out, it was straight back to the bottle. This cycle would repeat for 10-14 days until my body would simply and violently reject any more alc resulting in the most unendurable side effects that lasted for weeks. My last 5 runs I was hospitalized all with over .3+ (one just under .4) bac's.

Forgive my thread hijack...and thanks for indulging it. I have been using this as a living journal of sorts.

As to the theme of the thread, I have been at the point of restraint and engaged in a wide array of rational/metal gymnastics where my consumption of drugs and alcohol have been concerned. It's impossible to diagnose another, but this type of telegraphed drinking is not normal. All the best to you both

ScottFromWI

I tried just about every possible method of "control" with my drinking. The quantity, frequency, type of drink, you name it. None of them worked, despite repeated failed attempts. Why did I do it? - Because I'm an alcoholic pure and simple. I even tried a formal "recovery" method called moderation management ;-)

D122y

Awal,

The main thing is I am in recovery. It is something I only speak of here or aa meetings.

Folks that are active addicts, which pretty much includes every drinker on the planet, are doomed to live and relive the nightmares we routinely obsess over here.

Talking, here 99% of the time, about the negative impacts of drinking has become a past time for me.

Being sober is no longer a fad for me. It is part of me. Actives will get it when they are ready.

When I was an active, I had little animosity towards non drinkers. I sometimes envied them, especially as the night wore on and definitely the next day. They were so bright eyed and bushy tailed.

Glad to finally have joined their ranks. My son told me last night as I made him a great healthy dinner.....Dad you are the GOAT.

If I didn't quit drinking, last night would have been me passed out by 6 PM and my 15 yo on his own. I might even be on diabetes meds or something.

Tears me up thinking how lucky I was to have found and stuck with SR.

Happy Sunday SR ohana.

Thanks.

Wastinglife

My mother never drank before 5pm, giving her plausible deniability about her drinking problem. I used to watch her look at the clock in our living room with increasing regularity as 5pm approached. By 5:02pm, she had a drink in her hand without fail. Everyone deserves a drink in the evening to wind down, right??

Buckley3

They aren't rules. They are rationalizations and cognitive distortions. Sure-fire signs of denial. Also signs that the ego still thinks it's in control. What's really sad - especially as I reflect on my own issues - is how completely convinced I could make myself that I was managing while being absolutely oblivious to the fact that I was exerting a stupid amount of energy on... alcohol.... when there's so much other living to do. Living I couldn't even see.

Denial is the first step that has to be confronted.

Best to you-

B

Delilah1

I definitely made up my own ridiculous rules about drinking, and would often find reasons to amend them to drink earlier, or more.

MindfulMan

The majority of drinkers are not alcoholics. They can take or leave a drink. If someone said "Can you try not drinking for 90 days?" the answer would be "OK." They only have a few drinks at weddings. They can go to restaurants that don't serve alcohol and not give it a second thought. They can meet old friends for a game of golf and not feel it's necessary to hit the 19th hole. They may finish a bottle of wine with a friend or lover, but this does not occur multiple nights in a row...without effort or trying. They can enjoy a glass of wine precisely because they don't NEED it.

They don't have rules that they have to regularly follow like no drinking before X time, no drinking alone, no drinking during the week, beer and wine only, etc. I call that "Negotiating with alcohol." It never works and once you start, alcohol will always win. This is true of virtually any addictive substance as well.

I didn't realize this until I stopped and observed normal drinking behavior. When in active addiction, we feel that everyone drinks or uses like we do. The truth is...most don't.

Which is why we can't do it at all.

D122y

I believe most drinkers are addicted to booze. They might not drink 10 units a night, but they will crave at some point and drink.

I think booze is hyper addictive. In the early stages of the addiction, the ramifications are usually imperceptible. Many addicts are responsible and keep the intake under or close to the legal limits. They are still addicted.

Anyone who drinks just a few units a week, because they want to, is addicted.

Addiction has multiple depths.

I am not justifying drinking, I am vilifying drinking. I am saying that if the masses ever really understood what we here do, there would be a lot more non drinkers in the world.

Just me.

Thanks.

Tarpaulin

This. 100 percent. I totally agree with what you have said. William Porter’s book “Alcohol Explained” has really helped me understand alcohol’s effects on the human body and mind. I now no longer see it that I am “missing out” - on the contrary, I feel like everyone who drinks (however small the amount) has the potential to spiral out of control at any given moment. I feel like it is an honour to be able to live an authentic, sober life. Alcohol is conning everyone else. That’s my view and I never, ever want to return to that false existence.