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Almost 4 months, temptation setting in

Old 10-05-2018, 05:34 PM
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Almost 4 months, temptation setting in

Happy Friday everyone,

As of today, I have gone 3 months and 3 weeks without a drink. For the most part, I have been staying busy with work and reading a ton of books. I haven't really been tempted to drink since I stopped in June..until a few days ago. My AV is telling me that I can try again and successfully limit my alcohol intake, but my rational mind knows that's false. Luckily, I haven't gone to the store and impulsively bought anything yet, and I don't think I will. The idea, however, keeps popping into my head.

What's stopping me from going to the store and picking up a few six packs is the shame I know I'll have after I break my almost-4-month-old sobriety. I don't want to feel that. On the other hand, I miss drinking with my friends. And it's pumpkin beer season.

It's been a while since I've posted here (really it's been a while since I felt like I needed to). I'm glad to get this off my chest and to share my thoughts with someone who understands the struggle.
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Old 10-05-2018, 05:50 PM
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Hey zoos, I can relate. I am a 52 year old guy who's had a few careers in drinking...all alcoholic in scope....20's, 30's, and 40's. The former 2 were characterized by a chameleon like ability to seem ok. Behind the scenes they were anything but. The history is punctuated by many periods of sobriety ranging from a couple of months to nine months. I don't know where you are in the progressive stages but if you're an alky, it likely won't get better. I too read a great deal, but I have found exercise/music very helpful as well. It totally honest (which I appreciate a great deal); 100 lbs is always 100lbs and an hour on cardio is always just that. Plus it is completely within my control (very little is at this point in my life). Anyways, thanks for the post....I too am at the 4 month period. Best

:edit: Forgive me, but what or who is your AV? Not asset value for sure
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Old 10-05-2018, 06:07 PM
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Thanks for the response Cordeliatolear,

I also have quit and returned many times..although usually for no more than 2 months so I am kind of in No Man's Land. I think (and hope) I am just ready to get past the drunken weekends and memories of glory-day 20's; I'm ready to move on to a new life (I'm in my mid 30's). It's funny you mention music, I have been listening to a lot of different types of music since I've been sober.

AV is your alcoholic voice, the thought in your head that tells you to pick up the drink, that you can surely handle just one drink.

I take it your a Shakespeare fan? I've had MacBeth on my to-be-read list for a while now.
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Old 10-05-2018, 06:17 PM
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Temptation won't bother you when you want to be sober more than you want to drink. To cement your sobriety, practice gratitude every day.
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Old 10-05-2018, 06:17 PM
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Ah yes, the AV...or the selective amnesia/memory syndrome. It's powerful as a hijacking.

Mid 30's...great; lot's of time left on this sphere. And cool on the music; it, in many forms, is transformative. I too listen to a variety. As to Shakes, yup...big admirer.

If time permits, may I ask what brought you to a recovery message board some years ago? Do you consider yourself an alcoholic? If so, has it progressed poorly?

Best!
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Old 10-05-2018, 06:24 PM
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Originally Posted by least View Post
Temptation won't bother you when you want to be sober more than you want to drink. To cement your sobriety, practice gratitude every day.
I feel the exact same way about my dog...no duplicity; all love. I see too the Camus quote. Are you a fan?

For me, I wish temptation could be easily tamed. I do agree that wanting sobriety more than the effects of alcohol is key. It's been my experience that sobriety can be excruciating, but that unbearable state in itself is not fatal.
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Old 10-05-2018, 06:55 PM
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Wanting to be sober more than anything was a mindset I had to get into. In early recovery it was a matter of just not drinking, no matter what. After I'd been sober for a while and started feeling better, I liked sobriety a lot more and wanted it for my lifestyle.

The last time I drank was at six months sober. I drank for two days and got deathly ill. When I woke up the next morning, I knew I was done drinking. I knew it would kill me, one way or the other, if I didn't stop.

I love living sober. My favorite part of the day is waking up feeling good.


PS, I don't know much about Camus, just know I like that quote.
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Old 10-06-2018, 01:23 AM
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You're in an almost identical situation to where I was about one month ago.

I am also mid 30s, I also had about 4 and a half months of sobriety under my belt and I was feeling fantastic. However I had a feeling that I'd be able to moderate drinking, so felt I should go back and give it a try. I then let a social situation develop where I was kind of under pressure to drink, so I did. Well, it's just not worth it. The experiment failed. The hangovers are just as bad, or worse, than they were before I quit. It hasn't got any easier to moderate it. I ended up drinking on two subsequent weekends following my initial relapse. Nothing terrible happened the 3 times I drank in September. However what I was reminded of was, that I am powerless over alcohol. Once I have one drink or sip, I have to drink until I get very drunk, as otherwise what is the point? Then I usually just pass out. I then wake up the next day feeling anxious, depressed and craving another drink. This is no way to live, and I am setting myself up for being unable to stop drinking, and ending up on a binge. Then **** gets really bad. Once you go back there, drinking has a nasty way of working itself back into your daily thinking and that isn't a nice place to be.

Remember, no one ends up on here, or in AA by accident. People without drink problems don't end up on here or in AA. The fact we do, is because our life has become unmanageable with alcohol. We can never go back. Don't think you can control it, you can't. We are powerless over Alcohol.
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Old 10-06-2018, 01:26 AM
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I can relate to all these posts. I'm at 11 months now, I'm in my late 40's and have been giving up alcohol since my late 30's. I've realised since my mid-30's that I am an alcoholic in that it changes my behaviour, predictably and not in a good way. So, I have had many attempts at sobriety and since my 40's, more or less been alcohol-free (I would say 80 - 20) but my current 11 months is the longest continuous period of sobriety.

I think the cumulative bad experiences I've had with alcohol make it undeniable that: Me + Alcohol = Disaster.

I have learnt to maintain sobriety as I know that all it would take me is about 3 mins to list 20 reasons that I should not drink. I know what will happen. I know how I'll feel, the shame and embarrassment, the paranoia, the mental anguish.
So far, this approach has worked for me.

I have also listened to a lot of music while sober, it is one of life's joys, especially live.
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Old 10-06-2018, 01:44 AM
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Glad you are sharing. Agreeing with Least that I had to want to be sober more than I wanted to drink. More than I wanted anything else in life.

What are you doing to support your sobriety? Like many others, I have found that I want more than sobriety, and that is a life in rcovery. I do that with a strong AA program, support system of sober friends re and lots IRL, changed habits and thinking. A whole overhaul of my life was what I needed and it's given me more than I could have thought at the beginning.

Knowing tools and steps to take when stress, or temptation or bad feelings, i.e. parts of life, come up, makes it easier to have this life.

Lots of suggestions and support if you want to join in more!
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Old 10-06-2018, 05:35 AM
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Wanting to stay sober more than anything else has an equal companion in my thinking. The absolute fact that drinking will not work. It won't be fun, it won't make me less anxious, it won't help current challenges, it won't make me feel good. And I won't be able to control it.

Riding the ups, the downs and the blahs is just simply living life like an adult. Drinking, at least for me, is impetuous, impulsive and totally childish. It was hard for me to face that, but I just don't have a right to drink.

I strongly encourage you to reconsider pumpkin beer as being a true temptation. Barf. Maybe a pumpkin latte? Double barf but some people like them.
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Old 10-06-2018, 07:04 AM
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What made you want to get sober? Remember those reasons. Write them out.

Humans are idiots.
In the sense that the human condition is one that seems to forget after time has passed how terrible something was.
Usually when you have had enough, you reach the conclusion that it is enough. Sometimes you just know this, sometimes you have to go through it yourself, and sometimes you learn from other peoples mistakes.
Be lucky in that, you got free, that alot of people dont and you dont know if you pick up again what will happen, where it will take you, the destruction, or whether you will put it down again or your AV will have a field day.
Something happens around 4-5 mos that you have to fight through it again.
Go back to the basics and core feeling of why you gave up in the first place. Read rich's thread on how he is going through a drunk driving episode, and find something new to motivate you to replace what you think you are missing from not being able to join in on the fall drinking scene.
And fight through the cravings to solidify your new fall normal.
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Old 10-06-2018, 07:07 AM
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Is there something you want to learn that you could start studying online through google? A new hobby or buying p90x workout routine, just dont give in. Replace it with some new motivator or interest and fight through the cravings.
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Old 10-06-2018, 07:20 AM
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And you were right, in that it is the AV, and its the addiction cycle that wants you back that is telling you to join in after time has passed.
Don't listen
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Old 10-06-2018, 07:46 AM
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After reading all the posts, I am truly glad that I posted last night. I don't want to give up my (almost) four months of sobriety, and the fact of the matter is that I've taken many *breaks*, only to return to the same behavior after thinking, "Hey, I can try to drink normally again!". 4 months is a record for me, and I feel great. I woke up this morning at 6:30 with a full day ahead of me.

As far as coping, I'm not in any program. My family is my support system. I've been meaning to get back to the gym (haven't gone for months). When I use to go to the gym regularly, that was a nice way for me to relieve stress and curb cravings. One thing I would also like to do someday is to write for fun. Once I have a bit more time, I would like to start doing that.

A few more benefits of sobriety:
-Saving money. I'm not throwing down $60-70 each week at the store on booze.
-Weight loss/loss of puffy face. I've lost about 6-7 pounds since I stopped drinking. I was kinda hoping for more loss (I guess I am getting older, weight loss doesn't happen as rapidly as before) but starting cardio exercise again should help.
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Old 10-06-2018, 08:02 AM
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Good job Zoos!
You have taken control of your recovery and new life.
Start the things now if possible. Start small. But begin, get the exercise a normal part of your routine again, join the gym or start jogging
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Old 10-06-2018, 08:03 AM
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Good job thinking it through and using your tools. Keep using them
Sobriety is amazing
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Old 10-06-2018, 08:21 AM
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https://jerryjenkins.com/how-to-write-a-book/
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Old 10-06-2018, 12:32 PM
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Originally Posted by Hopeful528 View Post
Thanks for the rec, I enjoyed reading that!
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Old 10-06-2018, 01:51 PM
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My AV is telling me that I can try again and successfully limit my alcohol intake,

Ah yes. The AV with that old chestnut....moderation. Watch out now.....he is good at this technique. Right about now youre probably feeling great and occasionally off guard. Well you know what? Moderation my dear sober friend is about as likely as Father Christmas bringing you a pet unicorn.

Keep on keeping on. Never look back. Never drink again. It gets better. You get stronger. Life is good. Eventually the AV will pipe down again. And eventually you hardly ever hear from him. Like an ex. Until eventually you do wonder "What did i ever see in you in the first place?"

All the best. Xx
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