For the recovering moms....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 22
For the recovering moms....
I’m curious as to what I should expect. I’m expecting in 50 days (haha yes I’m down to day counting aghhhh) and wondering how new motherhood (first born) is going to affect my sobriety. Did others find it challenging in terms of staying sober?? I can anticipate being greatly overwhelmed but I just don’t know how that’s going to affect my head. I’m either going to be too busy and tired to even think about drinking/using or I’m going to want to desperately escape my feelings with a bottle or a drug. I know every person is unique but any experiences with this would be appreciated!!!
Side note - I do go to meetings but not often. I stay in touch with multiple f2f friends in recovery daily and have been using SR daily as well. I also have a therapist and a good doctor etc... as for my supports. And my partner is 3 years sober in recovery.
(I am also at huge risk for post partum depression, I am also certain this will happen for me as I’ve already struggled with pre partum depression).
Thanks for any and all responses! 💕
Side note - I do go to meetings but not often. I stay in touch with multiple f2f friends in recovery daily and have been using SR daily as well. I also have a therapist and a good doctor etc... as for my supports. And my partner is 3 years sober in recovery.
(I am also at huge risk for post partum depression, I am also certain this will happen for me as I’ve already struggled with pre partum depression).
Thanks for any and all responses! 💕
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: middle of nowhere
Posts: 2,849
Whatever you do don't isolate! After my last daughter I relapsed SO hard because I was extremely isolate.
Keep up with the meetings.
Get a sponsor.
If you can find one and find people who will check in with you if you are not going to meetings I think this is one of the best things I am doing.
Having good people is crucial.
Be gentle with yourself.
Be honest with yourself.
I think everything you are doing so far is great and you are on the right path.
Self-care. Remember you have to take care of YOU first so you can love on that precious little baby of yours
<3
Keep up with the meetings.
Get a sponsor.
If you can find one and find people who will check in with you if you are not going to meetings I think this is one of the best things I am doing.
Having good people is crucial.
Be gentle with yourself.
Be honest with yourself.
I think everything you are doing so far is great and you are on the right path.
Self-care. Remember you have to take care of YOU first so you can love on that precious little baby of yours
<3
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 22
Originally Posted by Delizadee 
Whatever you do don't isolate! After my last daughter I relapsed SO hard because I was extremely isolate.
Keep up with the meetings.
Get a sponsor.
If you can find one and find people who will check in with you if you are not going to meetings I think this is one of the best things I am doing.
Having good people is crucial.
Be gentle with yourself.
Be honest with yourself.
I think everything you are doing so far is great and you are on the right path.
Self-care. Remember you have to take care of YOU first so you can love on that precious little baby of yours <3
Keep up with the meetings.
Get a sponsor.
If you can find one and find people who will check in with you if you are not going to meetings I think this is one of the best things I am doing.
Having good people is crucial.
Be gentle with yourself.
Be honest with yourself.
I think everything you are doing so far is great and you are on the right path.
Self-care. Remember you have to take care of YOU first so you can love on that precious little baby of yours
<3Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
I wasn't in a place where I was acknowledging my alcoholism when I first gave birth. Granted, I was an alcoholic, I just had not started dealing with it yet.
I quit for both of my pregnancies (drinking the very occasional, small glass of wine- once every two months maybe, a half glass at dinner).
After the birth of my first son I had a terrible time for a variety of reasons. My son was unexpected and the father, although he insisted I return to Italy and we make a family- had not fully accepted the situation. He was outrageously cruel to me during this time. That is separate from the issue of postpartum depression/psychosis that I suffered. After about a month after the birth I started drinking again, not to an extreme, but enough that I had to carefully schedule feedings to be sure my son was not getting alcohol through my milk.
After the birth of my second son I was amazed to find I had what I referred to as the opposite of postpartum depression, I was joyful and happy to be a mother. This changed nothing in my drinking habits, in fact they were worse (as my alcoholism had progressed). While I had breastfed my first son until nearly a year, with my second son I stopped at about six weeks because I just wanted to drink too much and couldn't manage breaks in my drinking long enough to clear my milk of any alcohol. It is a decision that obviously was the right one for my child but one I regret to this day. If only I had been able to stay sober I could have fed him my milk longer.
That said, and this gets confusing because I just lamented the fact that I did not breastfeed longer, but breastfeeding is very difficult for some women and can cause an incredible amount of stress. I was bound and determined to make it work with my first despite it feeling like hell on earth. I would grab on to something to squeeze with all my might and wail out from the depths of hell in pain when my son latched on. This does not happen to everyone, some have it very easy. But if you do decide to breastfeed and you do have trouble, there are places you can contact for help and you can also.... just stop! Artificial milk is perfectly fine for babies. Perfectly fine. You'll see plenty of stuff "breast is best" that makes you feel pressured to keep going. If you can and you want to, great. But if you can't, feeding your child from a bottle is absolutely taking good care of your baby.
I mention breastfeeding so extensively because it was a very traumatic experience for me and and experience I put pressure on myself to make work. In hindsight, my mental health would have been much better had I stopped with my first son and fed him exclusively artificial milk. Every child and situation is different though, I had no problems with my second son, I simply stopped because I wanted to drink.
The pressures of early motherhood are incredible in scope. You think "how hard can this be? they cry, they eat, I change a diaper, repeat" But the days seem to last years while the months fly by at the speed of light. I don't know how else to describe it.
Be gentle with yourself and keep your expectations low. There will be days you can't manage to get out of your pyjamas, or cook a meal or get out of the house. It happens and it is normal.
I can say from experience, drinking makes everything worse. You are more tired, more on edge, less patience, less clear headed to evaluate very new situations.
I will also say that if you even think for a second you are suffering from postpartum depression reach out as soon as possible for medical help. I sure wish I had. Note that a history of depression does not necessarily correlate to postpartum depression. There are women who have never suffered from depression in their lives who suffer horribly after the birth and then those who have always suffered from depression who have no issues after birth. They are two different animals. With my first son I found myself on a window ledge, baby in arms, ready to jump. With my second son I was out rolling in the grass, picking flowers and laughing joyfully at my tiny baby. You just never know.
Again, the most important thing right now is to stay sober and clean and to take that sobriety into motherhood. You will never regret it. It will make your life so much easier and you will have those early memories that you can be proud of. Best of luck to you.
I quit for both of my pregnancies (drinking the very occasional, small glass of wine- once every two months maybe, a half glass at dinner).
After the birth of my first son I had a terrible time for a variety of reasons. My son was unexpected and the father, although he insisted I return to Italy and we make a family- had not fully accepted the situation. He was outrageously cruel to me during this time. That is separate from the issue of postpartum depression/psychosis that I suffered. After about a month after the birth I started drinking again, not to an extreme, but enough that I had to carefully schedule feedings to be sure my son was not getting alcohol through my milk.
After the birth of my second son I was amazed to find I had what I referred to as the opposite of postpartum depression, I was joyful and happy to be a mother. This changed nothing in my drinking habits, in fact they were worse (as my alcoholism had progressed). While I had breastfed my first son until nearly a year, with my second son I stopped at about six weeks because I just wanted to drink too much and couldn't manage breaks in my drinking long enough to clear my milk of any alcohol. It is a decision that obviously was the right one for my child but one I regret to this day. If only I had been able to stay sober I could have fed him my milk longer.
That said, and this gets confusing because I just lamented the fact that I did not breastfeed longer, but breastfeeding is very difficult for some women and can cause an incredible amount of stress. I was bound and determined to make it work with my first despite it feeling like hell on earth. I would grab on to something to squeeze with all my might and wail out from the depths of hell in pain when my son latched on. This does not happen to everyone, some have it very easy. But if you do decide to breastfeed and you do have trouble, there are places you can contact for help and you can also.... just stop! Artificial milk is perfectly fine for babies. Perfectly fine. You'll see plenty of stuff "breast is best" that makes you feel pressured to keep going. If you can and you want to, great. But if you can't, feeding your child from a bottle is absolutely taking good care of your baby.
I mention breastfeeding so extensively because it was a very traumatic experience for me and and experience I put pressure on myself to make work. In hindsight, my mental health would have been much better had I stopped with my first son and fed him exclusively artificial milk. Every child and situation is different though, I had no problems with my second son, I simply stopped because I wanted to drink.
The pressures of early motherhood are incredible in scope. You think "how hard can this be? they cry, they eat, I change a diaper, repeat" But the days seem to last years while the months fly by at the speed of light. I don't know how else to describe it.
Be gentle with yourself and keep your expectations low. There will be days you can't manage to get out of your pyjamas, or cook a meal or get out of the house. It happens and it is normal.
I can say from experience, drinking makes everything worse. You are more tired, more on edge, less patience, less clear headed to evaluate very new situations.
I will also say that if you even think for a second you are suffering from postpartum depression reach out as soon as possible for medical help. I sure wish I had. Note that a history of depression does not necessarily correlate to postpartum depression. There are women who have never suffered from depression in their lives who suffer horribly after the birth and then those who have always suffered from depression who have no issues after birth. They are two different animals. With my first son I found myself on a window ledge, baby in arms, ready to jump. With my second son I was out rolling in the grass, picking flowers and laughing joyfully at my tiny baby. You just never know.
Again, the most important thing right now is to stay sober and clean and to take that sobriety into motherhood. You will never regret it. It will make your life so much easier and you will have those early memories that you can be proud of. Best of luck to you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 22
Originally Posted by Meraviglioso
I wasn't in a place where I was acknowledging my alcoholism when I first gave birth. Granted, I was an alcoholic, I just had not started dealing with it yet.
I quit for both of my pregnancies (drinking the very occasional, small glass of wine- once every two months maybe, a half glass at dinner).
After the birth of my first son I had a terrible time for a variety of reasons. My son was unexpected and the father, although he insisted I return to Italy and we make a family- had not fully accepted the situation. He was outrageously cruel to me during this time. That is separate from the issue of postpartum depression/psychosis that I suffered. After about a month after the birth I started drinking again, not to an extreme, but enough that I had to carefully schedule feedings to be sure my son was not getting alcohol through my milk.
After the birth of my second son I was amazed to find I had what I referred to as the opposite of postpartum depression, I was joyful and happy to be a mother. This changed nothing in my drinking habits, in fact they were worse (as my alcoholism had progressed). While I had breastfed my first son until nearly a year, with my second son I stopped at about six weeks because I just wanted to drink too much and couldn't manage breaks in my drinking long enough to clear my milk of any alcohol. It is a decision that obviously was the right one for my child but one I regret to this day. If only I had been able to stay sober I could have fed him my milk longer.
That said, and this gets confusing because I just lamented the fact that I did not breastfeed longer, but breastfeeding is very difficult for some women and can cause an incredible amount of stress. I was bound and determined to make it work with my first despite it feeling like hell on earth. I would grab on to something to squeeze with all my might and wail out from the depths of hell in pain when my son latched on. This does not happen to everyone, some have it very easy. But if you do decide to breastfeed and you do have trouble, there are places you can contact for help and you can also.... just stop! Artificial milk is perfectly fine for babies. Perfectly fine. You'll see plenty of stuff "breast is best" that makes you feel pressured to keep going. If you can and you want to, great. But if you can't, feeding your child from a bottle is absolutely taking good care of your baby.
I mention breastfeeding so extensively because it was a very traumatic experience for me and and experience I put pressure on myself to make work. In hindsight, my mental health would have been much better had I stopped with my first son and fed him exclusively artificial milk. Every child and situation is different though, I had no problems with my second son, I simply stopped because I wanted to drink.
The pressures of early motherhood are incredible in scope. You think "how hard can this be? they cry, they eat, I change a diaper, repeat" But the days seem to last years while the months fly by at the speed of light. I don't know how else to describe it.
Be gentle with yourself and keep your expectations low. There will be days you can't manage to get out of your pyjamas, or cook a meal or get out of the house. It happens and it is normal.
I can say from experience, drinking makes everything worse. You are more tired, more on edge, less patience, less clear headed to evaluate very new situations.
I will also say that if you even think for a second you are suffering from postpartum depression reach out as soon as possible for medical help. I sure wish I had. Note that a history of depression does not necessarily correlate to postpartum depression. There are women who have never suffered from depression in their lives who suffer horribly after the birth and then those who have always suffered from depression who have no issues after birth. They are two different animals. With my first son I found myself on a window ledge, baby in arms, ready to jump. With my second son I was out rolling in the grass, picking flowers and laughing joyfully at my tiny baby. You just never know.
Again, the most important thing right now is to stay sober and clean and to take that sobriety into motherhood. You will never regret it. It will make your life so much easier and you will have those early memories that you can be proud of. Best of luck to you.
I quit for both of my pregnancies (drinking the very occasional, small glass of wine- once every two months maybe, a half glass at dinner).
After the birth of my first son I had a terrible time for a variety of reasons. My son was unexpected and the father, although he insisted I return to Italy and we make a family- had not fully accepted the situation. He was outrageously cruel to me during this time. That is separate from the issue of postpartum depression/psychosis that I suffered. After about a month after the birth I started drinking again, not to an extreme, but enough that I had to carefully schedule feedings to be sure my son was not getting alcohol through my milk.
After the birth of my second son I was amazed to find I had what I referred to as the opposite of postpartum depression, I was joyful and happy to be a mother. This changed nothing in my drinking habits, in fact they were worse (as my alcoholism had progressed). While I had breastfed my first son until nearly a year, with my second son I stopped at about six weeks because I just wanted to drink too much and couldn't manage breaks in my drinking long enough to clear my milk of any alcohol. It is a decision that obviously was the right one for my child but one I regret to this day. If only I had been able to stay sober I could have fed him my milk longer.
That said, and this gets confusing because I just lamented the fact that I did not breastfeed longer, but breastfeeding is very difficult for some women and can cause an incredible amount of stress. I was bound and determined to make it work with my first despite it feeling like hell on earth. I would grab on to something to squeeze with all my might and wail out from the depths of hell in pain when my son latched on. This does not happen to everyone, some have it very easy. But if you do decide to breastfeed and you do have trouble, there are places you can contact for help and you can also.... just stop! Artificial milk is perfectly fine for babies. Perfectly fine. You'll see plenty of stuff "breast is best" that makes you feel pressured to keep going. If you can and you want to, great. But if you can't, feeding your child from a bottle is absolutely taking good care of your baby.
I mention breastfeeding so extensively because it was a very traumatic experience for me and and experience I put pressure on myself to make work. In hindsight, my mental health would have been much better had I stopped with my first son and fed him exclusively artificial milk. Every child and situation is different though, I had no problems with my second son, I simply stopped because I wanted to drink.
The pressures of early motherhood are incredible in scope. You think "how hard can this be? they cry, they eat, I change a diaper, repeat" But the days seem to last years while the months fly by at the speed of light. I don't know how else to describe it.
Be gentle with yourself and keep your expectations low. There will be days you can't manage to get out of your pyjamas, or cook a meal or get out of the house. It happens and it is normal.
I can say from experience, drinking makes everything worse. You are more tired, more on edge, less patience, less clear headed to evaluate very new situations.
I will also say that if you even think for a second you are suffering from postpartum depression reach out as soon as possible for medical help. I sure wish I had. Note that a history of depression does not necessarily correlate to postpartum depression. There are women who have never suffered from depression in their lives who suffer horribly after the birth and then those who have always suffered from depression who have no issues after birth. They are two different animals. With my first son I found myself on a window ledge, baby in arms, ready to jump. With my second son I was out rolling in the grass, picking flowers and laughing joyfully at my tiny baby. You just never know.
Again, the most important thing right now is to stay sober and clean and to take that sobriety into motherhood. You will never regret it. It will make your life so much easier and you will have those early memories that you can be proud of. Best of luck to you.
it’s good to hear so many things I should expect though. I feel like the better mentally prepared I am the better chance I have at maintaining sobriety and keeping it together.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
Originally Posted by Mrrryah86
Thank you for the good information! I am unable to breastfeed due to previous surgery (completely unable) so it’ll be formula baby from day one 
it’s good to hear so many things I should expect though. I feel like the better mentally prepared I am the better chance I have at maintaining sobriety and keeping it together.
it’s good to hear so many things I should expect though. I feel like the better mentally prepared I am the better chance I have at maintaining sobriety and keeping it together.One tip, don't stock up on milk just yet, babies seem to take to certain kinds and have issues with other kinds, it may take switching around a bit to figure it out. Same with diapers. I could only use pampers with my oldest son, everything else leaked. With my younger son pampers leaked all over the place and I found the grocery store brand worked best. So just buy a few things to prepare now in case one or the other doesn't work out, you don't want all that stuff to go to waste if you find you can't use it.
Oh, edited to add, I did not buy a lot of gadgets and stuff. Just a crib, a stroller, some pacifiers and a few toy things. There are millions of things out there for new moms- wipe warmers, special trash cans for diapers, to name a few. I found all that unnecessary. One thing I did go ahead and buy and found well worth it (if you have a microwave) is a microwave steriliser. You can put bottles, nipples, pacifiers and teething toys in it and in just a minute or two they are sterilised. Might be worth it to you as you will have several bottles in the mix. You can of course just boil them, but then they are very hot and it takes a while until you can use them.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
Sorry, me again, I felt the need to comment further on your remark "the better mentally prepared I am....." I don't know how to explain this without sounding negative, but there really is no way in the world to be mentally prepared. I think if you can concentrate on that and realise that this is going to be difficult in ways you never imaged and that THAT IS OK, then you will have a head start. But being prepared is something else altogether.
I was SO FORTUNATE, jesus christ, so fortunate in that my Italian family hired a nurse to be on call for the first month. I initially thought that it was excessive and ridiculous. I ended up calling on this woman multiple times a day, even in the middle of the night and she always came within minutes. For simple and stupid things, but I could not deal. I simply was not able to manage the simplest of things.
BUT- READ THIS- I had many friends in the same boat, they absolutely could not even handle it but did not have the blessing of an on call nurse and they managed, they DID IT. They got through and both they and the baby survived. You can do this. But if there is any help available- people offering to bring meals, to watch the baby while you shower, anything, take it!
With my second child I refused the nurse. I said "I've got this, I know what it is like I've been through this before, I'm ok" Holy hell! It was the same mess all over again! i was sinking, dying, had no idea what to do. But I survived. My baby survived. It is possible.
I think what I want to say to you is to prepare for your sobriety more than anything else. Because the baby stuff is just going to be crazy and wonderful and scary and overwhelming and beautiful and whatever no matter the circumstances. The important thing here is to strengthen your sobriety so that you do not turn to alcohol or drugs as a way to escape. I would give my right arm to have back the moments I missed because I was drunk.
I was SO FORTUNATE, jesus christ, so fortunate in that my Italian family hired a nurse to be on call for the first month. I initially thought that it was excessive and ridiculous. I ended up calling on this woman multiple times a day, even in the middle of the night and she always came within minutes. For simple and stupid things, but I could not deal. I simply was not able to manage the simplest of things.
BUT- READ THIS- I had many friends in the same boat, they absolutely could not even handle it but did not have the blessing of an on call nurse and they managed, they DID IT. They got through and both they and the baby survived. You can do this. But if there is any help available- people offering to bring meals, to watch the baby while you shower, anything, take it!
With my second child I refused the nurse. I said "I've got this, I know what it is like I've been through this before, I'm ok" Holy hell! It was the same mess all over again! i was sinking, dying, had no idea what to do. But I survived. My baby survived. It is possible.
I think what I want to say to you is to prepare for your sobriety more than anything else. Because the baby stuff is just going to be crazy and wonderful and scary and overwhelming and beautiful and whatever no matter the circumstances. The important thing here is to strengthen your sobriety so that you do not turn to alcohol or drugs as a way to escape. I would give my right arm to have back the moments I missed because I was drunk.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Aside from prepare for your new babies arrival, you have 50 days to set up a strong support network. Do it.
Having a child is stressful and amazing. You have an opportunity to be a sober Mom and that is incredibly powerful. But you have to want that more than anything else in the world.
I hope that you will choose the right path....this is a huge moment for you, if you see that. Using while pregnant is extremely dangerous, you know that. But using as the child grows up, in many respects, is even more so.
Having a child is stressful and amazing. You have an opportunity to be a sober Mom and that is incredibly powerful. But you have to want that more than anything else in the world.
I hope that you will choose the right path....this is a huge moment for you, if you see that. Using while pregnant is extremely dangerous, you know that. But using as the child grows up, in many respects, is even more so.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 199
You have got this!!! And congratulations!!! I wish, wish, wish that I could have another child. Alas, I have 7 yr old twins now and my husband and I are both getting older. But I love babies.
First, everything is going to seem chaotic and you are likely going to be plagued with self-doubt. That’s just how motherhood works in general, unfortunately. It’s hard not to question every decision and think that you’re doing something wrong. Just remember that people have been having babies since the beginning of time. Cavewomen, slave women, women with all kinds of physical disabilities, extremely impoverished women. Women with literally nothing, no “expert” books, no fancy supplies, nada, have had and raised babies. That perspective always helped me. It is actually pretty difficult to mess it up - all of that anxiety that you will likely feel is just in your head. If you feed (however you want), clothe (in whatever is clean), and cuddle your child, the baby will be fine. Everything else is optional. We all try to do more, sometimes a lot more, but try to give yourself credit for all the extras instead of feeling bad that you’re not taking it even further.
Read the last sentence above again.
As for substances - the more you can give yourself a break, the easier it will be to avoid relapse, imo. Ask for help, pat yourself on the back. Try not to get too obsessive. Let things go - if grandma doesn’t put the blanket over the baby’s head before she takes her/him out, let it ride (or whatever your pet peeve is). The only things that really matter are the baby’s physical safety and hunger.
It’s also easy to get resentful. As the mom, you will typically be doing the majority of the work. Dads, even very involved and loving ones, can be clueless. Managing that resentment can be very, very difficult. And strategies are very personal. The only tip that I can give here is that you need to acknowledge when you’re feeling it and find someone to talk to. Could be a group of new moms, a friend, a family member, sponsor, whatever.
Finally, try your best to enjoy it!!! It really is magical. You’ll be tired and overwhelmed and it’s easy to take motherhood for granted. But ithat first year is a very, very special time. Try to remember your gratitude and everything will be easier.
You can do this!! And I am so very excited for you.
First, everything is going to seem chaotic and you are likely going to be plagued with self-doubt. That’s just how motherhood works in general, unfortunately. It’s hard not to question every decision and think that you’re doing something wrong. Just remember that people have been having babies since the beginning of time. Cavewomen, slave women, women with all kinds of physical disabilities, extremely impoverished women. Women with literally nothing, no “expert” books, no fancy supplies, nada, have had and raised babies. That perspective always helped me. It is actually pretty difficult to mess it up - all of that anxiety that you will likely feel is just in your head. If you feed (however you want), clothe (in whatever is clean), and cuddle your child, the baby will be fine. Everything else is optional. We all try to do more, sometimes a lot more, but try to give yourself credit for all the extras instead of feeling bad that you’re not taking it even further.
Read the last sentence above again.
As for substances - the more you can give yourself a break, the easier it will be to avoid relapse, imo. Ask for help, pat yourself on the back. Try not to get too obsessive. Let things go - if grandma doesn’t put the blanket over the baby’s head before she takes her/him out, let it ride (or whatever your pet peeve is). The only things that really matter are the baby’s physical safety and hunger.
It’s also easy to get resentful. As the mom, you will typically be doing the majority of the work. Dads, even very involved and loving ones, can be clueless. Managing that resentment can be very, very difficult. And strategies are very personal. The only tip that I can give here is that you need to acknowledge when you’re feeling it and find someone to talk to. Could be a group of new moms, a friend, a family member, sponsor, whatever.
Finally, try your best to enjoy it!!! It really is magical. You’ll be tired and overwhelmed and it’s easy to take motherhood for granted. But ithat first year is a very, very special time. Try to remember your gratitude and everything will be easier.
You can do this!! And I am so very excited for you.
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Join Date: Aug 2003
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Posts: 61,509
M, don't stress about the breast-feeding. We all do what we can do, and that's enough.
I wasn't drinking at all back in my pregnancy days, but I definitely struggled after the births of my two children. Don't isolate is good advice. I was isolated, not by choice. I was a military wife, 4,000 miles away from family and friends and my husband was away a lot, so I had very little support. Take a look around your community and see if there are any Drop-in Centers for Moms & kids, or your Library will likely offer something, too.
I think you can expect to feel emotional as the hormones work on settling down. Rest when you can, even if you can't sleep. Ask your partner to help if you need it.
I wasn't drinking at all back in my pregnancy days, but I definitely struggled after the births of my two children. Don't isolate is good advice. I was isolated, not by choice. I was a military wife, 4,000 miles away from family and friends and my husband was away a lot, so I had very little support. Take a look around your community and see if there are any Drop-in Centers for Moms & kids, or your Library will likely offer something, too.
I think you can expect to feel emotional as the hormones work on settling down. Rest when you can, even if you can't sleep. Ask your partner to help if you need it.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Minnesota, USA
Posts: 1,469
Congrats!!!!
I did not drink during my pregnancy, I was able to put it down for that plus 6 weeks as I was brestfeeding.
I slowly got back to my full consumptions with in 2 years.
I suggest continue to work a program and pick up that 1000000000# phone when you feel likea drink.
Babies/kids/life change can be hard to deal with, just know that everything will pass and you will not have to worry if you screwed up because you were drunk.
My little is now 3. I am so glad I am here for him at every hour of every day in case he needs me for whatever, I am full there and aware of what is going on.
I wish you the best!!!! Being a parent is HARD all I remeber from the foirst year is wanting my body back to just ME and not having a child stuck to me all the time. NOW I wish I could just hold him like he was when he was a baby. The time goes by so fast, they grow up and learn at such a rapid rate, take it all in, BREATH when you can and I hope you have a TON of support and HELP because doing the parenting thing alone is a battle, as it does test every fiber of your being and the best way to show success is the smile on your littles face!
Blessings,
DC
I did not drink during my pregnancy, I was able to put it down for that plus 6 weeks as I was brestfeeding.
I slowly got back to my full consumptions with in 2 years.
I suggest continue to work a program and pick up that 1000000000# phone when you feel likea drink.
Babies/kids/life change can be hard to deal with, just know that everything will pass and you will not have to worry if you screwed up because you were drunk.
My little is now 3. I am so glad I am here for him at every hour of every day in case he needs me for whatever, I am full there and aware of what is going on.
I wish you the best!!!! Being a parent is HARD all I remeber from the foirst year is wanting my body back to just ME and not having a child stuck to me all the time. NOW I wish I could just hold him like he was when he was a baby. The time goes by so fast, they grow up and learn at such a rapid rate, take it all in, BREATH when you can and I hope you have a TON of support and HELP because doing the parenting thing alone is a battle, as it does test every fiber of your being and the best way to show success is the smile on your littles face!
Blessings,
DC
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,044
Hello!!
This is such an exciting time, and definitely can be a little stressful. I was sober throughout all three of my pregnancies, and while nursing, but gradually started drinking again after and before I knew it I was back to way too much wine most nights.
The biggest thing was I found I was at home in the evenings and felt crazy after a day of babies and work. And attempting balance. I would have been so much better off if I had taken a yoga class, or planned to walk nightly, rather than using wine as what I considered my downtime.
Carve out some time for you each day, and use this website, I wish I had known about SR years ago. Being a sober mom is so worth it. You have the opportunity for your little one to only know you as sober, and that's pretty incredible.
This is such an exciting time, and definitely can be a little stressful. I was sober throughout all three of my pregnancies, and while nursing, but gradually started drinking again after and before I knew it I was back to way too much wine most nights.
The biggest thing was I found I was at home in the evenings and felt crazy after a day of babies and work. And attempting balance. I would have been so much better off if I had taken a yoga class, or planned to walk nightly, rather than using wine as what I considered my downtime.
Carve out some time for you each day, and use this website, I wish I had known about SR years ago. Being a sober mom is so worth it. You have the opportunity for your little one to only know you as sober, and that's pretty incredible.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 22
Originally Posted by Delilah1
Hello!!
This is such an exciting time, and definitely can be a little stressful. I was sober throughout all three of my pregnancies, and while nursing, but gradually started drinking again after and before I knew it I was back to way too much wine most nights.
The biggest thing was I found I was at home in the evenings and felt crazy after a day of babies and work. And attempting balance. I would have been so much better off if I had taken a yoga class, or planned to walk nightly, rather than using wine as what I considered my downtime.
Carve out some time for you each day, and use this website, I wish I had known about SR years ago. Being a sober mom is so worth it. You have the opportunity for your little one to only know you as sober, and that's pretty incredible.
This is such an exciting time, and definitely can be a little stressful. I was sober throughout all three of my pregnancies, and while nursing, but gradually started drinking again after and before I knew it I was back to way too much wine most nights.
The biggest thing was I found I was at home in the evenings and felt crazy after a day of babies and work. And attempting balance. I would have been so much better off if I had taken a yoga class, or planned to walk nightly, rather than using wine as what I considered my downtime.
Carve out some time for you each day, and use this website, I wish I had known about SR years ago. Being a sober mom is so worth it. You have the opportunity for your little one to only know you as sober, and that's pretty incredible.
and to everyone else who responded too! Ugh I can see myself falling into that easy trap of “winding down with a bottle of wine” after a long hard day. But I want to wake up hangover free and healthy for my little boy!!!
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Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
Honestly: I had a tough time. I also had not acknowledged my alcoholism yet. Not until after my third child. Of course I knew I was alcoholic ( we all know deep down, don't we) but I had not addressed it. I stayed sober during pregnancies but did not remain sober after having my babies.
let me clarify by saying I always wanted kids and overall I was thrilled to be a mom. It was a lifelong dream to be a mommy. had my first at 26, second at 29, third at 36. I'm now 49. It's been the best thing that's ever happened to me and the entire point of my life.
But girl, it's tough at first. You really do need other moms. Are there moms groups in AA? In your neighborhood? At the park? Join, join, join. do not be alone. and if you get depressed (I was) go to the doctor and just handle it. Don't mess with that.
If you don't have mom friends, hang with sober women you trust for the first few months. We are not meant to be alone postpartum. Your baby can just be sleeping on your chest most of the time in a wrap while you spend time with other women. of any age. who are sober.
Start thinking about those social supports while pregnant. It's important. and hang in there!!
let me clarify by saying I always wanted kids and overall I was thrilled to be a mom. It was a lifelong dream to be a mommy. had my first at 26, second at 29, third at 36. I'm now 49. It's been the best thing that's ever happened to me and the entire point of my life.
But girl, it's tough at first. You really do need other moms. Are there moms groups in AA? In your neighborhood? At the park? Join, join, join. do not be alone. and if you get depressed (I was) go to the doctor and just handle it. Don't mess with that.
If you don't have mom friends, hang with sober women you trust for the first few months. We are not meant to be alone postpartum. Your baby can just be sleeping on your chest most of the time in a wrap while you spend time with other women. of any age. who are sober.
Start thinking about those social supports while pregnant. It's important. and hang in there!!
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,044
Originally Posted by Mrrryah86
Thanks and to everyone else who responded too!
Ugh I can see myself falling into that easy trap of “winding down with a bottle of wine” after a long hard day. But I want to wake up hangover free and healthy for my little boy!!!
and to everyone else who responded too! Ugh I can see myself falling into that easy trap of “winding down with a bottle of wine” after a long hard day. But I want to wake up hangover free and healthy for my little boy!!!
Also, one of the best baby purchases we made was the vibrating bouncy chair. My second kiddo was colicky, and it was the only place she would sleep. I ended up sleeping on the floor next to it many nights.
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Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 1,287
Hi M,
Been reading this thread for a while now - some very good advice from posts above.
It IS going to be difficult,it IS going to be life-changing, it was difficult for me and life changing for me - and I was sober at that time. But it was also wonderful, exciting and precious.
In the moment, while dealing with a colicky or sick child who won't sleep and cries incessantly - I want you to remember this,(something a friend said to me at the time)
"This too, shall pass " Simple but very very true.
Good luck on this tremendously exciting journey and please do whatever you need to do to stay sober. Now and after the birth.
Been reading this thread for a while now - some very good advice from posts above.
It IS going to be difficult,it IS going to be life-changing, it was difficult for me and life changing for me - and I was sober at that time. But it was also wonderful, exciting and precious.
In the moment, while dealing with a colicky or sick child who won't sleep and cries incessantly - I want you to remember this,(something a friend said to me at the time)
"This too, shall pass " Simple but very very true.
Good luck on this tremendously exciting journey and please do whatever you need to do to stay sober. Now and after the birth.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 22
Originally Posted by Ayers
Oh, and as you get closer and closer to the birthdate - sleep as MUCH as you can . I mean it. Sleep, sleep, sleep
I do know one other new mom who happens to be sober, her baby was already born and will be a couple months older than me. I hope I can take sleeping baby in a wrap to meetings? Can’t say I’ve ever seen anyone doing that before but it’s gotta be kosher as long as I leave if he starts crying no?
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Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 1,065
Congratulations!
Get a support network absolutely. Friends, neighbours. Lots of communities have mom and me groups, go join them, they are fun and an hour or two out of the house. Usually, the ones here were run by a nurse practitioner so you could ask questions. We did kindermusik right from the get go. Different places have different music proģrams but music at an early age is beneficial. I got a really good stroller and once I was ok to, walked every day. Just a half hour walk. My one daughter was born in November so we had lots of winter miles.
Do not worry about the breastfeeding. My gf was unable to as well and actually has a gastro nurse say something. Fortunately her mom was a nurse and she had a go at the nurse who tried to shame my gf. I drank occasionally during breast feeding and offered bottle when I did. I had hyper lactation and while having tons of milk is great, I had to feed or pump very frequently, lest it let down or better yet, shoot across the room! It was a great party trick. I fed for 2 years with both of mine, dh was very happy to have his friends back after 4 years lol. I wore sanitary napkins over my nipples for 4 years lol.
Relax and enjoy every minute. Except for the actual birth that is a bee with an itch. Get a midwife if you can afford it. Only thing I would have done differently.
Surround yourself with good, supportive people. Ask for help when you need it and just love that little bundle.
Get a support network absolutely. Friends, neighbours. Lots of communities have mom and me groups, go join them, they are fun and an hour or two out of the house. Usually, the ones here were run by a nurse practitioner so you could ask questions. We did kindermusik right from the get go. Different places have different music proģrams but music at an early age is beneficial. I got a really good stroller and once I was ok to, walked every day. Just a half hour walk. My one daughter was born in November so we had lots of winter miles.
Do not worry about the breastfeeding. My gf was unable to as well and actually has a gastro nurse say something. Fortunately her mom was a nurse and she had a go at the nurse who tried to shame my gf. I drank occasionally during breast feeding and offered bottle when I did. I had hyper lactation and while having tons of milk is great, I had to feed or pump very frequently, lest it let down or better yet, shoot across the room! It was a great party trick. I fed for 2 years with both of mine, dh was very happy to have his friends back after 4 years lol. I wore sanitary napkins over my nipples for 4 years lol.
Relax and enjoy every minute. Except for the actual birth that is a bee with an itch. Get a midwife if you can afford it. Only thing I would have done differently.
Surround yourself with good, supportive people. Ask for help when you need it and just love that little bundle.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 1,065
As to taking a baby to meetings. Personally I would not. I didn't bring my kids around alcoholics and I still try not too. Babies are huge bundles of sensory receptors and things discussed at meetings, feeling that permeate a room, energy, the baby will feel those. Just my personal opinion, your meeting might be a warm and receptive place. For me, what I saw was a lot of darkness.
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