My ex is not even dead
 

He may be severely ill with cancer and suffering but he is definitely alive. He went to Thailand with his fourth wife and they both put pictures on social media. My dad thought they could be old photos but I checked hair cuts, what is going on in Thailand ATM and ages of the grandkids. I can't believe I wasted so much time mourning him. I feel scammed angry bitter and bruised. I am way better off without him. I will just keep moving on.

I think moving on is the right thing to do.

D

Thanks Dee . It should be bedtime for you.

Let it go, Sweetichick.

Sweetie,

When will enough be enough?
Enough of this man (who is with someone else, dead or alive)
Enough drinking
Enough of the cycle of insanity

To break free of this one must change PEOPLE, places, and things.
Get rid of facebook- or BLOCK all those people who no longer serve a HEALTHY purpose in your life.
Get moving to real sobriety so you are able to recover and hopefully enjoy the rest of your years on earth. We are not guaranteed tomorrow, drinking sounds like a pretty lame way to spend days.

Sell your car and go to rehab, your life depends on it.

Sticking around for the drama is doing you no good, it is going to keep you right where you are.

I know somewhere in you, you want to be sober. Maybe you are scared, feel unworthy, or whatever BUT there is a better life out there for you. Just GRAB the F**K onto it, trust the process and do something about it.

I say all of this with sympathy, and pretty sternly because it is always the same thing. I see no change and it makes me sad for you.

Blessings,
DC

Sweeti, I have been reading your threads and I feel your pain, deeply.

Do you know what the past does to us? If we hang on to all those old hurts?
It kills us. We drink and we drive ourselves insane and sick.

It is OK to hurt, and to feel angry and sad. If you need a moment to grieve that is ok. We can't let it grip us forever though, right?

I sometimes think when someone has hurt us the best advice I ever heard was Dr Phil, lol. The best revenge is living well.
But on the other hand, sometimes the best way to move forward is with forgiveness and grace. He can't hurt you unless you let him.

The very, very best thing for you to do, is to love yourself and take care of yourself. Whatever the cost. You are absolutely worth it.

Hi Sweeti,

I'm glad you've moved on, I would also block them on FB, there is no reason to continue having any contact.

How are you doing with recovery?

His second wife contacted me and confirmed that he is not dead. I was doing well with recovery up till now. I can't seem to move on. Maybe because it was a three year long affair and I lost him mainly because of drinking. I don't like his aunty in law playing mean tricks from across the road and coming over here telling lies. On the other hand he has a new harem and I am staying out of it. If I was still hanging out with the wrong crowd they would have thought of something illegal to do by now. I can't do anything I don't have the guts. I know these thoughts of revenge are in direct contrast to AA principles. I will try to keep following the program.

Sweetichick - anyway you cut it this relationship is not good for you - if it ever was...I remember this guy was very controlling and nasty to you - and all that has been going on since then seems very manipulative.

shut the door on it. Its no good for you.

D

Thanks Dee

The best and sweetest revenge you can get over these people and this guy is to get sober and become the best version of you that you can be. Get healthy, get happy, create a new life and drag yourself out of their grip.

Staying in the grip of their gossip, letting what they say and do keep you down, depressed and drinking only serves to make them feel like they are winning and keeps you a pawn in their game. Refuse to be a pawn, take your life back and take control back of how you feel, don't let them own your emotional remote control!

Best of luck x

Thanks Mantal. I will follow your advice.

Sorry Sweet... but this is simply not true. I'm afraid it's problematic for you if you mislead yourself like this - which is why I point it out.

Recovery is all that matters right now. The health issues, the social issues, the psychological issues... I don't believe any of those things can ever really get sorted as long as recovery and abstinence from alcohol aren't the #1 focus and priority - more than that - you really need to just not drink period. Not drinking is the only evidence that it's a priority and a focus. Saying it is doesn't get us sober. Being sober gets us sober.

Let the world spin on its own for awhile. Just don't drink. Keep it simple.

I was hesitant to even post anything. I'm growing afraid that feeding into all the narratives you create on all the issues that you use to distract you from simply not drinking is just enabling you to continue in this cycle you are in.

With that, I wish you the best and hope you finally commit to being sober.

-B

No one else can make you drink; no one else can make you be sober. I can appreciate what you're going through with your ex but remember the old saying- holding onto a grudge is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. As much as it hurts now it's kind of like ripping off a bandaid- better to just give it one hard yank vs pulling one hair out every day.

He is dead. His latest wife sent me photos. I am drunk again though. Tomorrow another tough day 1.

Wishing you peace and sobriety sweeti. I'm sorry things have been so difficult, but getting sober will really change everything.

I'm so sorry....but now you can move on. Best to you....

Write down all these peoples numbers, delete them from your phone contacts and then set up a new contact called “Ignore”. Then add all these peoples numbers to this contact, then go to your settings and block that contact. You will no longer be able to tell who’s number is who’s so you don’t call/message them and as all their numbers are blocked you cannot receive calls or messages from them.

You have to move on and let this go or nothing is going to change.

I think Manta has an excellent idea here sweeti. Let them go now that he's really gone. They will only hurt you with continued contact.

Excellent idea Mantal and Hawk. Thanks for your help.