Sober. Now what?
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 319
Sober. Now what?
Hi everyone,
I have a history of binge drinking to regulate emotions.
My last binge left me so bad off I know I either have to find another way to deal or do myself a favor and kill myself quickly rather than prolong the agony.
I was reading the sticky at the top of the forum and someone mentioned that they had NO ADULT EXPERIENCE SOBER.
Thats me. And im 55. Im recently divorced and by myself for the first time in my life.
Im consumed with fear.
Been sober 7 days but scared to death. Think about ending it every minute of every day but know i dont have it in me.
What now. I drink to get some peace, but it no longer works.
I feel like im in hell and my life is worthless.
I dont know if anyone has gone through this and went on to actually have a quality of life.
I have a history of binge drinking to regulate emotions.
My last binge left me so bad off I know I either have to find another way to deal or do myself a favor and kill myself quickly rather than prolong the agony.
I was reading the sticky at the top of the forum and someone mentioned that they had NO ADULT EXPERIENCE SOBER.
Thats me. And im 55. Im recently divorced and by myself for the first time in my life.
Im consumed with fear.
Been sober 7 days but scared to death. Think about ending it every minute of every day but know i dont have it in me.
What now. I drink to get some peace, but it no longer works.
I feel like im in hell and my life is worthless.
I dont know if anyone has gone through this and went on to actually have a quality of life.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Hi Dandylion- glad you are here.
A lot of us, definitely myself, can relate to the despair you talk about.
I nearly killed myself with my drinking and the very short answer to your last sentence is that yes, I now have a great life in recovery, like a good many people on here.
I have worked hard and keep putting my sobriety and recovery first - when I was finally DONE drinking I started AA. The program saved my life and I keep working it at two and a half years in.
You can find info on programs from AA to many other ones if you search around. Under Newcomers Daily Support Threads you can find the "Class of Sep 2018" which will have people getting sober this month like you.
Almost everyone I know here and IRL need support of some kind to get and stay sober. I was a terrible case at 39 and can tell you getting sober was the best thing I
have ever done.
Hope to see you on here.
On her
A lot of us, definitely myself, can relate to the despair you talk about.
I nearly killed myself with my drinking and the very short answer to your last sentence is that yes, I now have a great life in recovery, like a good many people on here.
I have worked hard and keep putting my sobriety and recovery first - when I was finally DONE drinking I started AA. The program saved my life and I keep working it at two and a half years in.
You can find info on programs from AA to many other ones if you search around. Under Newcomers Daily Support Threads you can find the "Class of Sep 2018" which will have people getting sober this month like you.
Almost everyone I know here and IRL need support of some kind to get and stay sober. I was a terrible case at 39 and can tell you getting sober was the best thing I
have ever done.
Hope to see you on here.
On her
Member
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Right here, right now
Posts: 3,974
Hi Dandelion, Welcome to this forum. You are not alone. I have been there. My drinking progressed from occasional to moderate daily to daily binge drinking when I was going through a difficult family time. The pattern of daily binging developed into alcoholism and I was drinking to self medicate. I had a difficult time breaking the cycle. I had countless relapses. I’ve now been sober close to two years. My life is so much better now. Life still has its ups and downs and always will but dealing with life’s challenges sober is always better. Nothing is made better by drinking. What it took for me to finally get sober for good is to give up the thought of believing that someday I can go back to moderation. Even if that’s possible (in the long run, it never worked for me) , I don’t want to anyway. I am so much healthier physically, spiritually, mentally. Also, I came to accept that alcoholism is a disease, I am an alcoholic and I am powerless over alcohol. When I accepted this fact, I knew I needed a life time plan to change for good. I never joined AA but I did start the 12 steps and reading the Big Book online. I come here to SR daily. I had a year of therapy my first year and I occasionally go back to therapy when I feel I need it. I had to learn new life coping skills to replace alcohol as my main coping mechanism. Everyone’s recovery path is unique. Find a path that works for you. So many others here have been where you are and have managed to achieve long term sobriety. It is difficult in the beginning. But it does get easier and you can do it!
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 319
Thank you everyone.
Im a wreck. My fear and anxiety is terrible.
Ive been popping melatonin.
Finances since my divorce have been scary.
Im not used to worrying about basics.
Theyre going to cut my electric off Thurday because i cant pay until Saturday morning.
My only hope is to leave the dog out and hope they cant shut it until Saturday.
I dont know how im going to survive.
Im trying to have faith.
I feel guilty and ashamed
Im a wreck. My fear and anxiety is terrible.
Ive been popping melatonin.
Finances since my divorce have been scary.
Im not used to worrying about basics.
Theyre going to cut my electric off Thurday because i cant pay until Saturday morning.
My only hope is to leave the dog out and hope they cant shut it until Saturday.
I dont know how im going to survive.
Im trying to have faith.
I feel guilty and ashamed
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 199
7 days is both a miracle and also not much time. You asked, now what? The answer, imo, is that your job is staying sober. And it is a job! You have to find other things to do, get sober support, figure out what you like and don’t like, what things bring you joy and which cause pain.
You have to take care of you, short answer. And that can be hard and scary.
Give yourself permission to do it. It’s worth your time. And if you do it, I think you’ll find that your other problems begin to resolve themselves. It really is quite strange how that happens, but it generally does.
You can do this!
You have to take care of you, short answer. And that can be hard and scary.
Give yourself permission to do it. It’s worth your time. And if you do it, I think you’ll find that your other problems begin to resolve themselves. It really is quite strange how that happens, but it generally does.
You can do this!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 199
Oh, and I’ve had my electric shut off before. It really isn’t the end of the world. You can make it from Thursday to Saturday. It may feel bad, but that’s just a feeling. The actual harm it causes is pretty minimal. Maybe you could think of it like there was a bad storm that took the lines down? You’d survive that, no?
And if you’re really dreading it, might you negotiate a partial payment with the company to see if they’d give you grace until Saturday? $20 even or whatever you can afford? They really don’t want to send someone out either, so they might be open to it.
And if you’re really dreading it, might you negotiate a partial payment with the company to see if they’d give you grace until Saturday? $20 even or whatever you can afford? They really don’t want to send someone out either, so they might be open to it.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 319
I have 3 dollars to my name. Its been a struggle for me which leads to a binge.
I truly just want to be unconcious.
Im not sure how to go on, but I really wish God would just take me out of here for good or fix whatever the heck is wrong that i cant live like a normal, functioning person.
Thank you for your support. The horrible shame feeling is unbearable.
I truly just want to be unconcious.
Im not sure how to go on, but I really wish God would just take me out of here for good or fix whatever the heck is wrong that i cant live like a normal, functioning person.
Thank you for your support. The horrible shame feeling is unbearable.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,510
Feeling a lot of despair and fear in early recovery is quite common. I sure felt that way. Do you have a food bank or church in your area where you could get some help?
You can learn to manage your emotions and to find healthy ways to deal with life.
TIPS FOR DEALING WITH ANXIETY (the American Assoc for Anxiety & Depression)
Take a Time-Out. Try some yoga, listen to music, meditate, get a massage or learn relaxation techniques. Stepping back from the problem can help clear your head.
Eat well-balanced meals. Do not skip any meals. Keep healthful, energy-boosting snacks on hand. Limit caffeine.
Get enough sleep/rest. Exercise daily to help you feel good and maintain your health. Use an iPod or exercise buddy to help you stick to your routine.
Take deep breaths. Inhale and exhale slowly. Belly-Breathing: Sit comfortably with shoulders, head and neck relaxed. Breath in slowly through your nose so that your stomach expands. Tighten stomach muscles, letting them fall inward as you exhale slowly through your mouth.
Do your best. Instead of aiming for perfection, which isn’t possible, be proud of however close you get.
Accept that you cannot control everything. Put your stress in perspective: Is it really as bad as you think?
Welcome humour. A good laugh goes a long way.
Maintain a positive attitude. Make an effort to replace negative thoughts with positive ones.
Get involved. Volunteer or find another way to be active in your community, which creates a support network and gives you a break from everyday stress.
Learn what triggers your anxiety. Is it work, family, school or something else you can’t identify? Write in a journal when you’re feeling stressed. Look for a pattern.
Talk to someone. Tell friends/family you’re feeling overwhelmed and let them know how they can help. Talk to a professional.
You can learn to manage your emotions and to find healthy ways to deal with life.
TIPS FOR DEALING WITH ANXIETY (the American Assoc for Anxiety & Depression)
Take a Time-Out. Try some yoga, listen to music, meditate, get a massage or learn relaxation techniques. Stepping back from the problem can help clear your head.
Eat well-balanced meals. Do not skip any meals. Keep healthful, energy-boosting snacks on hand. Limit caffeine.
Get enough sleep/rest. Exercise daily to help you feel good and maintain your health. Use an iPod or exercise buddy to help you stick to your routine.
Take deep breaths. Inhale and exhale slowly. Belly-Breathing: Sit comfortably with shoulders, head and neck relaxed. Breath in slowly through your nose so that your stomach expands. Tighten stomach muscles, letting them fall inward as you exhale slowly through your mouth.
Do your best. Instead of aiming for perfection, which isn’t possible, be proud of however close you get.
Accept that you cannot control everything. Put your stress in perspective: Is it really as bad as you think?
Welcome humour. A good laugh goes a long way.
Maintain a positive attitude. Make an effort to replace negative thoughts with positive ones.
Get involved. Volunteer or find another way to be active in your community, which creates a support network and gives you a break from everyday stress.
Learn what triggers your anxiety. Is it work, family, school or something else you can’t identify? Write in a journal when you’re feeling stressed. Look for a pattern.
Talk to someone. Tell friends/family you’re feeling overwhelmed and let them know how they can help. Talk to a professional.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
I can understand how you feel. The anxiety and problems that need to be resolved can be crushing. I can say this, you've taken the first right step and that is to quit drinking. After things calms down a little, it will be time to roll up the sleeves and get down to problem solving. I've been through it, darn near lost my house and everything. Faced my issues sober and head on and got it all fixed.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 319
Originally Posted by aasharon90 
Do you have a job and working, Dandelion?
Now im only happy when im unconcious. Not good. I have no clue anymore, I really dont.
I honestly wish i had quietly passed in my sleep.
Life has never been easy for me, even before I touched a drink.
I honestly just wanted some peace. Still do.
My ex was a drinker and dont think he even noticed that I was going down the rabbit hole.
My mind is just obsessing. No peace.
I just cant function normally
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
The title of your thread reminded me of the founding moment of Alcoholics Anonymous. Bill had been taking Dr Bob through the program and there came the moment where Bob had done the full deal. About a day later he says to Bill, "well, if we want to keep this thing going I guess we better find ourselves another drunk to work with" They did and along came AA number 3. Now, sevrral million have sobered up and found new purpose in their lives.
You could do worse than find your way to an AA meeting. It's free, and you have plenty of time on your hands. It's the best way I know to stop the misery.
You could do worse than find your way to an AA meeting. It's free, and you have plenty of time on your hands. It's the best way I know to stop the misery.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Dandelion - I'm very glad you joined us. Please know that you're never alone. Many of us have had the same thoughts in early sobriety, & we understand.
I drank 30 yrs. & in the end, it was in my system at all times. I never made a move without it. I knew I was going to die if I didn't stop - & I wasn't ready to give up on the precious life that I'd been given. I didn't want to keep living in a fog. But in those early days of being sober I felt empty & scared. The thing I'd used to cope with problems - I could never turn to again. We are learning to live in a new way. Please don't think you'll feel this way forever. A much better life is waiting for you - give yourself a chance to heal.
I drank 30 yrs. & in the end, it was in my system at all times. I never made a move without it. I knew I was going to die if I didn't stop - & I wasn't ready to give up on the precious life that I'd been given. I didn't want to keep living in a fog. But in those early days of being sober I felt empty & scared. The thing I'd used to cope with problems - I could never turn to again. We are learning to live in a new way. Please don't think you'll feel this way forever. A much better life is waiting for you - give yourself a chance to heal.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 319
Originally Posted by Hevyn
Dandelion - I'm very glad you joined us. Please know that you're never alone. Many of us have had the same thoughts in early sobriety, & we understand.
I drank 30 yrs. & in the end, it was in my system at all times. I never made a move without it. I knew I was going to die if I didn't stop - & I wasn't ready to give up on the precious life that I'd been given. I didn't want to keep living in a fog. But in those early days of being sober I felt empty & scared. The thing I'd used to cope with problems - I could never turn to again. We are learning to live in a new way. Please don't think you'll feel this way forever. A much better life is waiting for you - give yourself a chance to heal.
I drank 30 yrs. & in the end, it was in my system at all times. I never made a move without it. I knew I was going to die if I didn't stop - & I wasn't ready to give up on the precious life that I'd been given. I didn't want to keep living in a fog. But in those early days of being sober I felt empty & scared. The thing I'd used to cope with problems - I could never turn to again. We are learning to live in a new way. Please don't think you'll feel this way forever. A much better life is waiting for you - give yourself a chance to heal.
Thank you so much
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 374
Hey huni ...
The first few weeks are really hard
I didn't think I could do it to be honest ..
I'm 9 months sober on Thursday
And I feel fantastic ...
My advice to you is just take one day at a time don't think about tomorrow just today
Believe me when I was drinking my anxiety was through the roof I was a wreck
Alcohol will take everything from you
You have a brand new life ahead of you
Grab it with both hands please....
If I had of known
how I would grow mentally and spiritually i would have quit drinking years ago ...
Wishing you all the luck in the world
Cara❤
The first few weeks are really hard
I didn't think I could do it to be honest ..
I'm 9 months sober on Thursday
And I feel fantastic ...
My advice to you is just take one day at a time don't think about tomorrow just today
Believe me when I was drinking my anxiety was through the roof I was a wreck
Alcohol will take everything from you
You have a brand new life ahead of you
Grab it with both hands please....
If I had of known
how I would grow mentally and spiritually i would have quit drinking years ago ...Wishing you all the luck in the world
Cara❤
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 319
Thank you for your encouragment
Today is day7 but i am not feeling anywhere near ok mentally or emotionally.
I want a drink, but i alsi know it will go to a horrible place. So Im just laying here trying to breathe and focus.
Is this normal? How long before i at least feel competent? Im just confused and all over the place
Today is day7 but i am not feeling anywhere near ok mentally or emotionally.
I want a drink, but i alsi know it will go to a horrible place. So Im just laying here trying to breathe and focus.
Is this normal? How long before i at least feel competent? Im just confused and all over the place
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